Things are literally slipping out of my hands. It's been just over a week - not even two! - that i'm back at home, but so many things happened, that i just cannot realize where i am, what i'm doing and what for. My agenda is filled with to do lists but i cannot manage them anymore, i just postpone basically everything... I've never had it so extreme. And the faster it goes, the more i panick, the more i panic, the less i'm able to do and then the circle closes, because the less i do, the more i panic.
I should pull myself together and just do everything i have to, but above all, i just wanna run away for a while, even though i cannot afford that right now.
My head's filled with plans, decisions that have to be made as soon as possible, tasks, requests, homework... I cannot stop thinking bout certain things that are buzzing in my mind, i cannot get a hold of my routine, i lost my regular sleeping rhythm and i'm feeling the autumn creeping into me - it's almost as if i'm going crazy!!!
Right now, i would like to go for a walk with someone, just talk about nothing and forget what's happening. Maybe eat melon flavor ice cream and make some hot chocolate afterwards. I want that buzzing to calm down, because right now i'm in a bee hive that doesn't rest, bee hive of buzzing thoughts around me.
I don't know if i can allow myself to push everything for a second without feeling guilty about it.
And i do need a good massage.
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