Showing posts with label university. Show all posts
Showing posts with label university. Show all posts

Wednesday, 20 October 2010

Too fast.

Things are literally slipping out of my hands. It's been just over a week - not even two! - that i'm back at home, but so many things happened, that i just cannot realize where i am, what i'm doing and what for. My agenda is filled with to do lists but i cannot manage them anymore, i just postpone basically everything... I've never had it so extreme. And the faster it goes, the more i panick, the more i panic, the less i'm able to do and then the circle closes, because the less i do, the more i panic.
I should pull myself together and just do everything i have to, but above all, i just wanna run away for a while, even though i cannot afford that right now. 
My head's filled with plans, decisions that have to be made as soon as possible, tasks, requests, homework... I cannot stop thinking bout certain things that are buzzing in my mind, i cannot get a hold of my routine, i lost my regular sleeping rhythm and i'm feeling the autumn creeping into me - it's almost as if i'm going crazy!!! 

Right now, i would like to go for a walk with someone, just talk about nothing and forget what's happening. Maybe eat melon flavor ice cream and make some hot chocolate afterwards. I want that buzzing to calm down, because right now i'm in a bee hive that doesn't rest, bee hive of buzzing thoughts around me. 

I don't know if i can allow myself to push everything for a second without feeling guilty about it.
And i do need a good massage.

Monday, 13 September 2010

Day 55.


Almost vacation today... We didn't work at lunch time and if not that reservation from a famous person, that came just while we were sightseeing a little bit, i don't know if we would have worked at all. But one reservation didn't hurt anyone! And we started just from 5 pm today, so i guess it's fair.

I was glad i could have a little bit more time than regular this morning... I did may things, started planning university, filled my agenda with when-to-do-what lists, started choosing additional subjects for studying - i'm thinking i'm going for russian and/or indonesian. I wanted to do DaF (German as foreign language), because i really love it, and i like the teachers, but every single class of that subject crosses with my main classes, so i cannot choose it. Pity, i was really upset by that. But it's never perfect in life, huh? Anyways, there's a lot of new subjects available which woke my interests to come back to that university a little bit more! But what i didn't like was that japanese is also available, which means that there might be newbies in the language course with us, which brings our already low level and further down...

For lunch we went to a park to have a picnic! I looove picnics! We didn't prepare anything by ourselves, because i think it was kinda spontaneous thing, so we had to buy everything, but that doesn't matter, because picnics - any picnics - rule! So we went to this nice quiet park surrounded by tea bushes... Was really beautiful and interesting. And that park had a small organic (i suppose) vegetables shop, where everything's pretty cheap, so we bought vegetables and fruits. Prices were really good except for honey - it was as expensive as hell (just like about everywhere), which makes me crave more and more for a true lithuanian honey. To be completely exact - for honey from my parents bee hives.


After our small picnic we went to a shrine and fed fishes and turtles. The smallest boy kept on eating the fish food, because it was actually kinda delicious and sweet - i tried it. There's gonna be a big festival in that shrine, but i'm not gonna be in Omaezaki anymore...

Before this small trip i managed to order pictures for my exhibition and with having done that i'm completely ready for the exhibition to come, just need to calm down my nerves and be positive about it! I already started doing my portfolio, since i'll have to show something when i'm going to UK. So it was a productive day for me - glad about it!

Tuesday, 20 July 2010

Update!


My daily snack became rather weekly i guess, but i’ve been busy like big piece of crap. I had to work and get ready for my trip, pack, finish the assignment for the university, then my friends visited me and i was thrilled to see them, but at the same time a little bit sad, i cannot spend as much time as i would like to. I’ve been busy like a bee and right now i feel pretty much tired. However, i’m really happy about the trip to Japan.


Many things happen actually... But i didn’t put any more pressure on myself with TO DO things, so i just put my blog aside for a while, because right now i have lots of time for myself - i’m siting in the train going to Frankfurt and from there i’m heading to Japan, so these hours when i have to sit in the train and wait for the check-in at the airport, gonna be filled with writing and just relaxing from everything i had in the last week.

First of all, i had an experience i don’t wanna repeat any time soon. For the first time in my life i had to dial the emergency number. I couldn’t stand the heat and after yet another working day, i almost completely collapsed at home. My heart was racing like crazy, i wanted to puke all over any second, my headache was killing me and the dizziness was driving me crazy, but i was still hanging in until everything turned black for a sec, then, sitting in a deadly cold bath tub, i’ve decided to dial the number. They came pretty fast, gave me a drip and my body calmed down a little bit, but it didn’t stop there, next morning i was still like drunk and wasn’t feeling too well, so i went to the doctor. Result of all that was me, siting at home for three days when i actually was supposed to work. My doctor ran some blood tests as well... He thought i’m too pale, so he wanted to be sure, there’s nothing wrong. Unfortunately, there was. I’m almost back to anemia. According to the results, it’s not anemia yet, but numbers are extremely love, so i’m basically standing on that thin line between normal and too low - i guess, everyone can make the conclusion. So i’m back on iron pills now and i’m gonna eat raw fish in Japan like crazy! I really do hope, i’m getting better, but if not, i will have to act on this.

My illness brought even more news and changes in my life. My boss did something that’s not allowed and actually not legal, but well, she did it anyway, because she’s the boss and she has to power and, probably, knowledge how to surpass the rules. So, she fired me. That’s pretty unfair, huh? Being sacked because i was sick ill, when there was one guy, who didn’t show up for many times, even after assuring he’s coming, and nothing - he didn’t get fired. But i did. Well, that’s how my boss is doing their job. (Pretty crappy...) She would rather fire a good worker, who’s working for 1,5 years, and look for another person (actually we always lack personnel, so everyone’s important for us...), just because she was in a bad mood, than just get over it and accept the fact that people get ill sometimes. Besides, i didn’t complain or didn’t say anything at the work place, when i wasn’t feeling alright - it started actually while i was working. But the interesting thing is, that i didn’t get too upset. I just changed my facebook status, called my mom and my boyfriend and that was it. Yes, i’m upset and disappointed a little bit, but something’s telling me, it’s not a bad thing, so i just take it as it comes. I’m gonna find another job in no time... I’m sure.

Also, i have to admit that me, being ill, kinda wasn’t that bad at all. I had the time for my university assignment and actually in this phase of life, university IS more important for me, than any job (unless it would be some kinda dream job). So i finished our assignment for university. I’ve never worked so hard on an assignment for 3 people, because normally everyone’s doing their part, but this wasn’t the case this time, so i had to do shitloads of things. It was really stressful and very ugly, if i may put it in these kinda words. I got a little bit disappointed in someone, i got pissed at someone, once during the whole thing i got even carried away and hung up on a friend, which wasn’t nice and rude - just like he told me then. He was right. I know and he knows, and he knows that i know. Anyway, that’s already in the past, we made it on time and that’s not weighing my shoulders anymore. I think the person i disappointed in should also know, that it’s not about that one’s personality in general. It’s just about the fact, that this person sucks at working in team on a written assignment, that’s it... There is one thing everybody should be aware of. When you suck at something, ask and cooperate, put your pride aside, so someone could teach you. It’s just for your own profit, isn’t it?


Still struggling with the assignment, i was excited bout my friends coming to me and so, on a Friday evening, my visitors arrived. It was my ex-boyfriend, which is an awesome friend now, and his friend. She’s really young, but a really nice person, i’m glad i met her and i was more than happy to have them both around for couple of days. It was really fun to get to see my friend! It’s been around 2-3 years from when i last saw him. It felt a little bit unreal at first and it’s a shame, i didn’t have too much time for them... We wanted to do many things, but it didn’t quite work out the way we planned. So i hope, they can visit me again. I am really thankful as well, since they helped me out with many things and made my preparations easier. That’s why i’m saying thanx to them not just for coming, but also for giving me a hand.



I still cannot believe, that tomorrow i’m gonna be in Japan. It looks like a dream and it’s freaking me out in a positive way... Anyway, dream or not, there are some responsibilities i’m carrying with me all the way to Japan, for instance - i’m taking my work-out outfit, cause i managed to gain 2 kg just before i left. Isn’t that just mean??? So even in Japan, i’m gonna do sports, so i could get lighter again!


There wasn’t much sleeping the last week, so i’m gonna use those 12 hours flight for sleep, so i can regain some energy back. First week i’m staying in Yokohama and having total vacation, just relaxing, maybe visiting some places. Well, i am visiting Lithuanian embassy in Tokyo with Natsuko just to say hi to everyone. I worked there last summer, so i suppose it’s a nice thing to do. The first thing i just HAVE to do tho, is find Softbank as fast as possible and buy a charger for my phone, cause i just couldn’t find it at home. It shouldn’t be too expensive, right? I’m also gonna buy something to my camera and i hope, i can find nice sneakers (and the right size), but i should always take in consideration, that i got fired, so the first time after i come back from Japan is gonna be tough. Probably i should save up some money.


Things with my special one are going good now... I still don’t know where we’re heading, but i do know that i wanna head somewhere exactly with Him, so i’m not gonna let Him go for a while. Of course, if things don’t turn out nasty. We’ll see how it goes after I’m coming back from Japan. For now, i feel a little bit unstable, but every time He calls and i again can hear His joyful voice, it makes me warm from head to toes.


Yesterday, on my last evening, we had a small gathering with friends. We barbecued, chatted and just enjoyed the evening. I’m gonna miss them a lot... Especially those, who are not gonna be in Leipzig anymore, when i come back. But i’m happy i’m going to England for couple of days after Japan, i’m gonna meet at least Clive! It’s tough, when your friends turn out to be E-Rasmus (Europe exchange program between universities) students, since they’re staying just for one year or one semester. You always know, they will leave sooner or later and it’s difficult, when you get attached to them, and when it comes to me - i get attached to people pretty fast, especially to people who make me smile and feel comfy around them. But in this modern world we can reach any corner of the whole planet rather easy, if not physically, then at least via internet, so there’s no need to get all upset.


So, i hope u’re doing great, guys. I’m not gonna promise anything, but i will really try to update this blog as often as possible, so you know what’s happening in my small world.












By the way, that’s a really nice dialog i overheard in the train of a small girl and her dad:


Girl: I see the sheep!

Dad: I SAW the sheep! (correcting)

Girl: I see the sheep!

Dad: I SAW the sheep!

Girl: I saw it too!


Hahahah, hilarious! That little girl’s sucha clever pants.