Die for love.

There has something personal happened, that completely sucked my energy out. Ever since yesterday i feel as if i left this world and now just observe it through some thick glass. I'm the one who's outside and everything's left inside. I cannot reach, cannot touch, cannot talk to anyone, cannot understand what's happening and even though i tried to stay on the positive side as much as possible, in the end i fell asleep with my clothes on - that's how much i felt lost.

That heaviness on Monday evening just reminded of my good intuition - evening ended with tears flowing down my cheeks. And just when i was pulling myself together after exam, which by the way, went way better than i could have expected, i received a call from my special one.

"I have another location that i have to go to on Wednesday, so i'll be coming on Thursday or Saturday",- he said.

"Where does the Friday go?",- was the most natural question that came from my heart and mind.

"There's a lot of traffic jams on highways on Friday - it's really impossible, so that's why i would rather go on Saturday.",- was explanation that crushed me.

I was shocked at first, angry and sad. But as i was on my way to my friend to watch soccer, i just couldn't possibly go deeper in this matter. So it happened just after i came back home, sat down and then it got me.

Of course, it's rather a figure of speech, but i could die for love. There's nothing at the moment, that comes to my head, which i couldn't do for the sake of love. When i love, i give 100% of me, i dive into that feeling completely without any exceptions. What i would do is visit that something on Wednesday, get into car and GO! I wouldn't imagine waiting until Thursday let alone until Saturday. And no traffic jam would stop me, if i'm going to someone i truly love. Especially knowing, that Thursday is my last free day, and starting Friday i'm working every day.

It is unmeasurable how lost i feel. This for me is understandable. But is it acceptable? I still don't know...

This morning i had a short conversation with one of my good friends and he brought me back to reality, explained me how it might be working. I do understand, that my partner is way older and his rational thinking has taken over him long ago, but i couldn't imagine this could be happening! And i don't know if i'm ready to lose this love thrill just now.

After conversation with me friend though, i felt calmed down, because there it was: another perception of love and feeling, a perception that has of course always existed, but has never crossed my mind. Gosh, how different people can be, huh?