*Winterstart*

Frost touched roofs, street signs, her lips and fingertips. City was filling with steaming people every time they talk, yawn or simply breathe. Kids started painting on trams' windows - it's just a matter of time, when they start sticking their tongues to the metal poles to prove wrong or right the theory about metal and flesh cooperation in cold. People doubled in size - coat, scarf, hat; i'm not talking about that part of society though, which cares about actually exposing their bodies as much as possible - you will always find more of this treat in certain parts of the city. 

Dogs were dressed in colourful, warm and sometimes (mostly?) embarrassing clothes. Kids too. Neither of them really cared. 

Snow fell really slowly on the sleeping city when just few were awake and sneakily hid during the day. Layers of it like sugar icing on a cupcake were to be seen outside and she shuddered a bit while having her cup of tea at the balcony doors. She would normally go out and sit outside, but not now, not in the winter. 

She didn't like cold, although enjoyed the snow sometimes. Watching it. Especially in the mornings, when she would still be inside or in the evenings, when it glitters in million colours, reflecting street lamps, cars and the rest of what this flashing world has to offer. 

Mornings changed after the first snow fell. It became colder in temperature outside and inside, it became slower, for no one wants to get out of their cozy beds, it became really silent. Sometimes it would struck her, that yet another year passed by. Snow was her messenger.  Sometimes she would turn silent for the whole season and hold back a lot, stay in front of the books. She would often buy candles, for she thought it goes well with the winter. 

Today she's trying to figure out what kind of music suits winter most. 

"It's almost december",- she thought to herself. Everything around her knew what that means - another year almost passed by... 

Buy Nothing Day.

Today Buy Nothing Day starts in North America and from tomorrow it's going international, so i'm going to join as well! 

I'm really happy about days like that, because people consume way too much. Way too much... I hope there's gonna be a change during these two days, at least for a little while. 

You know, sometimes i wonder... Do people ask themselves really what they are buying and what for when they're in the super market??? 

Slow is good.

Today i had an early start. I woke up at 6:20 in the morning and decided to get up. Starting my morning so early and doing it slowly was a good idea... Recently i've decided to do more for myself, try to set some rules or come up with activities that are just purely for ME, my soul or my body. Not rushing in the morning is gonna be number 1 in my list. For that i might have to wake up early every day, but i would rather do that, then have just 20 minutes of my morning. For instance today i woke up and just walked around in the flat a little bit, got some fresh air in the balcony and just sat down and took 5 minutes for breathing and relaxing, my shower turned into spontaneous bath and i could enjoy my tea just how i like doing it - waiting until it's not that hot and warming up my palms by holding the cup. It's a big difference from the mornings, where you just grab cup of tea and drink it in one minute, because you normally do drink tea, so it's like you cannot skip that. But rushing doesn't do any good for me. 

I'm still not sure about multitasking though... Spiritually it shouldn't be good for anyone, but i'm happy i manage doing couple of things at once. And i'm afraid that without it, i wouldn't be able to fit in 24hours day. 

Yesterday the moment i went to bed and saw those so familiar ceilings and that window in my room and that gently red sky we sometimes have here, i realized i'm back at home, i realized there's gonna be just me and my life from now on. And it was a little bit weird knowing, there's not gonna be wwoofing tomorrow, going to a field or serving drinks at the cafe. At that moment my adventure summer ended, but no need to pull a long face - adventure autumn awaits! 

Saturday evening i became single (i guess i haven't mentioned that yet..) and that still doesn't make me as sad as i expected. It might be a good thing. But of course there's a hole in me at the moment, where He has to be. Now there's nothing and it's strange. But i'm ok, i'm dealing with that quite all right. I've been thinking today when in the bath tub, that it might be one of the good things that happened to me this year. I'm 20 years after all, have bunch of friends, am really busy and love travelling - what's the point in having crappy relationship then?? It's better not to have any and just enjoy everything life has to offer. I think it's gonna work out better than i can think. So i'm not gonna let the sadness in! I might wanna move to a new place though... This is way too big (and too expensive) for me alone. And i have to throw his perfume out, because that was one thing, that made me bite my lip off, when i opened the bathroom cabinet and smelled that familiar sense. 

I had to take care of couple of things today, so i spent my morning in the city. Every step i took was confident and i did feel at home, but also, i was just eating every single piece of this city with my eyes, observing everything and my mind couldn't calm down - every minute thinking if it's really ok, that i'm back. It was as if i was weighing everything i see and comparing it to Japan, it was as if i asked myself "Can i really live here? Is it the right place?", so it was a little bit tiresome. But i feel ok. It's cold here, but i feel good breathing in that... fresh air with a pinch of winter crisp. 

But being here isn't just about how the city looks like or how it feels, but it's also my real world. It's not just about IF i would like to live here, it's that i DO live here and with that i have all kinda strings attached, all kinda responsibilities. One of the biggest worry of mine is money. Right now, i have 8 Euros at the moment and i'm going to London on Friday for 5 days... That's gonna be tough. I don't have a job right now and without that i cannot afford living here, so i'll have to fix that really fast. Although everything i would like to do is just study.... And have millions and millions, so i wouldn't have to work. Dreams dreams..... I admit it - i do like it here, but i think it is gonna be just a middle stop between my start and my goal in my life. 

I did some housework and there's more to come and i enjoy it! I'm finally back at my own home, where i could do what i want how i want it. I think, that's my dualistic part again - as much as i love travelling, i always will enjoy being a housewife and playing that idyllic life. And this morning was a good example of that - waking up, doing laundry, having breakfast, shopping for groceries, taking care of some other things and then going back home, having a cup of tea and just writing my blog. Perfect, isn't it? 

I do realize as well, how badly i would love to work at home at my computer - writing books, articles or being an editor of something. Photography is also a good choice for me, because you do have to do lots of editing at computer. It would be really well for me, i know. But for that, i again need lots of money to be able to afford this kinda lifestyle - without a steady work. But it's gonna be my goal as well... I don't wanna be stuck in the office. 

So, everyone - buy my books when i publish them and help me live the life i'm dreaming about! I wanna wake up in the middle of the night with ideas for exhibitions, books and photo shootings just like i did in Japan. 

But right now i'm not in Japan anymore, i'm here, at home and i'm gonna make it work as much as possible! And gonna use every opportunity in my life i get to become a person i could be proud of. 

Day 65.

I couldn't avoid problems on the road - like most of the times. I'm so unlucky with transportation sometimes and i'm not just talking about being late or trains/buses/planes coming late, but i already have quite a list here. Train strikes - almost missed the flight, accidents on rails because of which trains didn't arrive, being stuck in Brussels because of, first, german train strikes, then because of french train delay - stopping in the middle of the way because of unexpected problems, missing trains, buses breaking down in the road, buses lost on the road, plane waiting for the new pulling-car, because the one broke down and stuff like that.... Today there was an accident on the highway, which made the Tomei Highway bus stop in Shizuoka. So i had to go to the train station first, get a train and after 5 or 6 times transferring to another train i finally made it to Tokyo! I was a little bit tired afterwards but i didn't let it get to me and after saying hi to the friend i'm staying at, i went to NiModo gallery in Shibuya to meet with old friends from last year.... And that just made my day!!! Last year we couldn't communicate too much, because of language gaps, but this year, when i finally talked japanese to them, it was so much easier! I was really glad and i came back home after couple of hours with a huge smile on my face. I met three people from last year and i hope i meet them again until i leave! Well, one of them i'm gonna definitely meet on Sunday - the Ainu Matsuri in Tokyo. Anyone who has some free time on Sunday (or Saturday - it's the whole weekend, but i'm going just on Sunday) please, feel free to join me! 

This year, i will try to enjoy Tokyo. Last year i didn't like it too much... And today i also was worried the plan to enjoy it is gonna fail too fast, because oh, how can i fall in love with the city who doesn't have much in common with me? A city filled with buildings, transportation, trash and plastic bags, a cold concrete jungle, a city where so much is wrong... But i will try to find good places, i will do my best! 

Day 56.NO PICS YET.

Today was a pretty easy going day... We had quite a few customers at lunch time, but no reservations in the evening, so we had a nice dinner and came back around 10 pm - quite early.

Since Nagomi wasn't busy we did some preparations. We made lots of veggie meat for burgers and, my favourite part, we made coconut and strawberry ice cream!

Today, filled with disappointment and uselessness i just HAD to get my jeans out of my suitcase and see if they still fit me. It was pretty hot, so long pants is not a good idea in Japan even if it's already september - it is still hot, but i just had to do it... And thanx god it still fits me. Well it looks not as good as it used to, but i still can put them on. Well, as much as i hate that weight i gained there's a good side of this - i get to lose it again which is lots of happiness every time i see i get slimmer!!! Always have to look at the good side, huh?

Day 55.

Almost vacation today... We didn't work at lunch time and if not that reservation from a famous person, that came just while we were sightseeing a little bit, i don't know if we would have worked at all. But one reservation didn't hurt anyone! And we started just from 5 pm today, so i guess it's fair.

I was glad i could have a little bit more time than regular this morning... I did may things, started planning university, filled my agenda with when-to-do-what lists, started choosing additional subjects for studying - i'm thinking i'm going for russian and/or indonesian. I wanted to do DaF (German as foreign language), because i really love it, and i like the teachers, but every single class of that subject crosses with my main classes, so i cannot choose it. Pity, i was really upset by that. But it's never perfect in life, huh? Anyways, there's a lot of new subjects available which woke my interests to come back to that university a little bit more! But what i didn't like was that japanese is also available, which means that there might be newbies in the language course with us, which brings our already low level and further down...

For lunch we went to a park to have a picnic! I looove picnics! We didn't prepare anything by ourselves, because i think it was kinda spontaneous thing, so we had to buy everything, but that doesn't matter, because picnics - any picnics - rule! So we went to this nice quiet park surrounded by tea bushes... Was really beautiful and interesting. And that park had a small organic (i suppose) vegetables shop, where everything's pretty cheap, so we bought vegetables and fruits. Prices were really good except for honey - it was as expensive as hell (just like about everywhere), which makes me crave more and more for a true lithuanian honey. To be completely exact - for honey from my parents bee hives.

After our small picnic we went to a shrine and fed fishes and turtles. The smallest boy kept on eating the fish food, because it was actually kinda delicious and sweet - i tried it. There's gonna be a big festival in that shrine, but i'm not gonna be in Omaezaki anymore...

Before this small trip i managed to order pictures for my exhibition and with having done that i'm completely ready for the exhibition to come, just need to calm down my nerves and be positive about it! I already started doing my portfolio, since i'll have to show something when i'm going to UK. So it was a productive day for me - glad about it!

Day 54.

We had an early finish today! Woohoo!! We had a reservation for lunch, but none for the evening, so my hosts decided to call it a day when it was just 5 pm.

It was good for me, even though i didn't do anything remarkable in my free time. I did however grab a bike and went for a short ride in the neighborhood. I'm also done with the final pick for the exhibition, so now it's just ordering left. It's less than a month until my grand opening and i'm really happy i've decided to do it! I've never studied photography, i just learned it by doing it and experiencing new things, so i often feel insecure about my pictures, because i lack theory in order to defend them if someone says it's crap. But i guess everyone will just smile at me, even if it's terrible.

I notice that the work starts annoying me sometimes. Especially in the mornings. Today we left at 10 am, which is about 2 hours earlier than normal, so i was already a little bit afraid of what's coming today. But it turned out not so bad at all... I started sleeping worse, way worse and it's definitely a result of this kinda work, but it's just 10 more days before i leave, so i can take it. The sleep is not as important at the moment as for example my weight... Today i couldn't believe how badly i fucked up!! I don't remember the last time it was as bad as now, so it really got on my mood for the whole day. I'm angry with myself. Big time. And i've already told my host-momma that i'm gonna cut on the portions a little bit, because i don't feel good now and she understood me - she's a woman after all. (And a gorgeous one by the way...) It's a pity it's so terribly hot in Japan, because i would like to do some jogging and sports outside - i brought my exercise outfit, but for me it's just suffering to be outside, not even talking about working out. But i'll find a way. I know i will lose that weight and get back to normal look, but it's gonna cost lots of time, nerves, patience and self-confidence, which i barely have. Anyway, it's not just about the fact it's not gonna be easy, but also bout the fact, that i fucked up so much! I mean, i gained 5 kg which is A LOT and i gained them in like 2 months, but to lose them takes way longer, it's not just about the weight as well, it's also bout the body shape, because it's not gonna be nice after i lose them... Well, to sum this up in a sentence: i'm angry, disappointed, disgusted and upset.

Day 53.

Today my hosts have wedding to attend, so we had a day off!! (Magical combination of words for me by now) And i managed to stay at home for the whole day and sleep, rest, do some crap...

I was planning to go to the beach, but i fell asleep and when i woke up it was dark already, so i kinda didn't wanna drive a bike in a city that i don't know when it's dark. So i just stayed at home, watched Mononoke Princess again - a beautiful beautiful movie. I also cooked today which was fun, since i normally cook every day for myself (i live alone), but here i always get food prepared by the hosts mostly. Well i do help, and i did make pizzas once and miso soup once, but normally i'm not the cook here, so it's unusual for me and i really truly miss cooking.

As the flight back to Europe draws nearer and nearer, i start going back to the routine in my mind. Today i took a look at job ads, since i really need a job back at home. I lost my last spot - long and sad story... Well, that's what you get for being a foreigner in eastern parts of germany. I wish i could do what i really like, which would be photography. It would be great to get a job somewhere in the paper or just sell my pictures as free lancer, so i might wanna start advertising myself every now and then. I've done weddings as well, so i could do that again, i can retouch pictures, i could do sales advertising photography a little bit as well, if i bought the light tent, so i really have to start doing something like that. But for a steady job i also wanna do something i really like, so i've been looking into kitchen work. There's one really tempting offer - they even don't request experiences and can get you a chef license after a while - that would be a wise step into the future. So i'll let it rest for a while, wrote down all the numbers and address and i'll start applying as soon as i've decided if i wanna go for the kitchen - work there is really tough, that i know really well.

I have to already make plans of what i exactly do when after coming back to Europe - lots of things are on my mind already. But i kinda like it, this here is not a real life for me. It's always amazing being here and i never wanna leave, but to be honest, i love being busy with thing that mean to me a lot personally as well, so it's kinda nice to go back to my own life. Then again, my own life means my own shit, which i have quite a lot back there. But i'll manage!

Dandelion Photography.

So i finally launched my internet page!

Check it out:

Dandelion Photography

And enjoy!

Day 21, Day 22 and Day 23.

It is tricky indeed to use the internet here, but the reason i’m merging my posts is not the lack of internet at all. It’s just that i don’t have the need anymore to just rot at the computer. I just wanna enjoy different things, get to know other wwoofers, listen to them, talk to them, laugh, laugh, laugh with them and at them and just have great time...

I feel really good here! I wasn’t working at first, so i could relax really well on our days off - our weekend in the mid-week. I’m totally losing track of time, it’s hard to remember which day it is and i mostly don’t know the exact time. But i don’t need that anymore as well... I just feel completely relaxed and i’m just existing here and enjoying the stay... The landscape here is amazing, the air’s fresh, since the city is a bit further, it’s really quiet. All the wwoofers are mostly together, just spending time together... Our house is big and we’re all staying here except couple of people, who live in the other house just across the street, so basically they’re also hanging around with us.

Wednesday or Day 21 was our “saturday” and since the weather was quite ok, we went to the river. It was around hour long drive and then we’re arriving at this beautiful valley in between the mountains, covered with pine trees. It sounds rather casual and simple (valley, pine trees...), cause i cannot exactly describe it, but it was just more than awesome!!! Barbecuing at the river and swimming in the cool, clear water, enjoying the view and the sun... It was unbelievable. I felt as if i’m in a dream, i’ve seen those kinda rocky rivers in mountains just in the movies, to he honest and i was totally excited to be able to experience that by myself. It really feels like a dream every once in a while and i’m worried i’m gonna wake up in Germany, but at least this is a nice dream, huh? Sometimes i do think about things back in Germany and shudder even from the thought of it. Being at this place i get the feeling often, that i just wanna stay, simply be here, work, never leave. Thinking about my real life makes my smile go away for a while. But there will be time i’ll have to go back to my real life and this will stay behind as a sensational memory.

On Wednesday’s evening after dinner, one guy came, that has a local band here and visits us often, even though he’s not a wwoofer. It was a really nice evening - we just played guitars on the street outside the house and sang along... Couple of us had fun with small fireworks. We had quite a few good singers and players, so i totally enjoyed the music around me. Everyone seemed so at ease, relaxed, happy - it’s almost the total opposite from what we had at the previous host. After that we watched movies, i haven’t finished both of them, because i fell asleep in the middle of the first one and was totally dozing off during the second one, so i just decided to go to the bed. Anyhow, the second movie was just a blast! People who like alternative movies, should definitely put this one on the list and watch it as soon as possible - no kidding. It’s a really good australian movie called “Bad Boy Bobby”, it is pretty disturbing since the main character is mentally ill and he’s doing things you wouldn’t normally think about, but it is by all means worth watching.

Also, we had some new wwoofers arrive - in the morning we had a dutch couple and in the evening two more guys. Those two dutch people really arrived on good time - they even couldn’t unpack their things, just went straight to the river, so they had a nice introduction in who, how and what we are, they had the chance to get to know us in a relaxed atmosphere, which was really good. In the evening we had another australian guy and an italian, so our family is getting bigger and bigger every day. I was welcomed really warmly and just accepted to this family, which makes me really grateful. All the new guys think i’m here at least for 3-4 months (asked all of them...), but i’m here just for couple of days!!! It is weird even for me, but i feel as if i lived with these guys for ages. They are all different people, so it’s amazing that we have more or less a balanced family.

It might be because of the fact, that everyone here is a wwoofer which gives us all something in common. We have though some guys from Tokyo who are probably having difficult time here, because just imagine growing up in sucha huge metropolis like Tokyo. They probably see vegetable fields for the first time, they’ve never did weeding and definitely never cooked for over 20 people at once! So it is quite a drastic experience for them. And even though they don’t quite know what, when and how to do, they fit in and do their best.

Yesterday it was raining from the early morning. We were waiting for a typhoon actually, but it never hit us. Some of us just ignored that completely, some of us were actually waiting for it, some of it weren’t happy about that kinda weather forecast, but we never had the typhoon. Rain in Japan is mostly really nice, i already enjoyed rain last year, while working in Tokyo, so being here, in the middle of the nowhere, surrounded by mountains was even nicer than before. Since we have subtropical climate here, the rain is warm and calm (when it’s not a typhoon or tsunami). In the morning when most of the wwoofers left to the city, i stayed in the house and enjoyed the silence of here and the calming music of rain. I grabbed a cup of tea and just went outside to the back yard, meditated a little tiny bit. It felt so right and peace was coming back to me.

Most of the times it’s so hard to run away from your routine even if you understand that it’s not good for you, so all you need to do is be in a situation where you don’t have the chance to get back to your routine. I’m actually living perfectly fine even without having internet, cell phone or skype. Of course, i would like to have it every once in a while, chat to my friends, but it’s not the end of the world that i don’t have it. If i stayed here longer than planned, maybe i would be able to write again (?).

In the evening i had an opportunity to do something that i’ve been waiting for for a long long time. I got to practice Kendo!!! It was my first time, i probably sucked a lot, but it was so much fun. I didn’t get sore arm muscles, nor did i get blisters on my palms and foot that everyone experienced, so i was lucky. I guess i’m just naive to think like that, but maybe the fact that i enjoyed it so much is kind of a sign, that i should continue Kendo back in Europe. I still don’t understand how can you become good at it, because it seems nearly impossible to win a fight, but maybe after years of hard work it’s doable. Next week i’m gonna go practice it again! We have one (also new) japanese guy, who has been doing Kendo for 15 years, so maybe he can teach me things back at home on our breaks and days off.

And today was my first working day. I didn’t have any problems with waking up early in the morning (5:15 oclock), although it felt strange having breakfast that early! We had to work with wheat grains in the morning and after lunch break we went to the fields, did some weeding. It wasn’t as difficult as i expected, so i feel relieved. I thought i’m gonna be totally stressed out after the working day, but i felt well, except the leg muscle that was aching from the morning. It’s different from my previous host, because here you feel like you’re a part of the family, just doing things, but also getting something in return, when at my previous host it just felt that you’re an unpaid labor, which isn’t quite right.

During the lunch break another 2 wwoofers (again a couple) arrived, so our big family turned into a huge one! We have 21 people right now. I take pleasure in meeting all those different people, they all have their own reasons in coming to Japan, wwoofing here, wwoofing at all, they all have different backgrounds, they all can tell me different things - it’s a treasure we have here! Anyway, with so many people our balance is starting to crash a little bit. We had to decide where to accommodate the new guys and they got the room with the mosquito net and everyone freaked out, that some new guys are getting the mosquito net! We have just 4 of them and everyone wants it, so we almost ended up in a fight, but thanx god we managed to settle it down... But even after doing that, the stress was lingering around me and left just in the night after talking about it with Toby.

In the evening we had an interesting seminar on acupuncture. A doctor from Kyoto came to us and explained some things, also did couple of sessions. I was one of the lucky guys, who got to feel the needles in the body by themselves! I don’t know if i’m just a sensitive type, but i actually felt pain, even though everyone said it’s just like a small tapping or pinching and not an actual pain. It was however really interesting and i would like to continue that in the future. I pointed out my muscle pain, so the doctor worked on that: put some needles in me, stretched me, cracked my spine (that was really freaky!). He said that i grew up too fast, because it seemed like a nerve problem and it should start earliest with 30 years old, so i’m 10 years too fast. Which actually makes sense... After the session it actually hurt more than before, but i hope it’s gonna be better the next day.

I’m having lots of new experiences, i can improve myself personally and that’s something i was seeking for. I’m leaving end of this month, but i don’t wanna even think about it. At least not now...

Day 19 and Day 20.

These two days i’m gonna merge together, because i just didn’t have the chance to write about them separately and right now, it’s a little bit stupid to write two different posts, when everything’s mixed together already.

I’m afraid there’s gonna be more merged posts, cause we don’t have any wi-fi at this host and there’s just one computer and around 15 wwoofers, so i’m almost sure, i’m not gonna be keep my blog updated daily, but i shall try and we’ll see how it goes!

So yesterday i left Hino... I got kinda soft and felt a bit upset after leaving it, because i really started to get used to things there and also because i attach to places and people. I love travelling and i do that a lot in fact, but i have this attachment thing, that actually ruins the fun, because i know i’m not gonna meet most of the people ever again, but still i wanna keep my hopes up and of course, i get disappointed most of the times, when the obvious happen - those people just drift apart. But is it wrong for me to want to keep nice people in my life? Or is it just too desperate?

Yesterday after leaving Hino i went to the embassy first and actually planned staying just for a couple of minutes, repack, leave and come back just before closing time to get my suitcase, but it ended up in me staying there for couple of hours and leaving before closing time, but without ever going out. Maybe it’s because i still feel one of them, maybe because i want to feel like them, besides it really brings the memories, so i feel nice being there. Just entering the Azabu-Juuban district makes my smile bigger. I never liked Tokyo too much, but i’d be lying if i said, i don’t feel nice there. It is nice to find familiar places, it’s nice to know where to go, and yes, i got attached to that place as well - i was living there for three months last year after all.

I am coming to Tokyo for the last 5 days of my trip this year and i’m already looking forward to it.

After visiting the embassy, i spent the evening with Adam! Even though we had to carry my baggage all around (one big backpack and one big suitcase), it was still fun. We went straight to Shinjuku, where my bus was leaving from, so we don’t have to change our spot too much anymore. It was weird sensation i got. At first i knew just approximately where to go, but with every second passing by and with every step we made, memories came back rushing to me and brought me to the point, where i knew exactly where i’m going and where i can find what. I didn’t spend too much time last year in Shinjuku, but the feeling of being in some kinda familiar place, made me feel at ease. It was nice of Adam to spend the whole evening with me, because if not him, i probably would be just sitting in Starbucks for 5 hours and waiting for my bus to come.

Instead, we did quite a few things until my departure time, but that time also came! I’ve never travelled by this night bus before, so it was a new experience for me. And now i know that i should recommend this way of travelling for everyone, who’s not afraid of spending the whole night in the bus. Of course, it’s not as fast as Shinkansen (the high speed train), but it’s also three times cheaper, so it’s a pretty good deal, i think. I left Shinjuku around 22:30 oclock and i was in Osaka at 7:00 oclock in

the morning. The seats were big and comfy, but i spend a great amount of time (basically the first half of the night) trying to figure out where to put my long european legs, because they were hurting a little bit, but after i found a way, i slept like a baby. Starting with Kyoto my eyes were wide open, looking at everything through the window, because everything was new and interesting. There were so many mountains - i was just impressed. I spent just couple of minutes in Osaka, but i already got the first impression of it. It is really different from Tokyo!!! Not just practical things like for example, in Tokyo you’re always standing at the left side of the escalators while leaving the right side free for people who’re in rush and just wanna go faster. But in Osaka, it’s opposite system. So i was blocking the traffic for a while. But i had my comfort in the fact, that i did that not because i’m a plain foreigner, but because i’m a Tokyo Foreigner so to say - was raised in Tokyo and adapted to that city. Anyhow, the city has this strange feeling that i cannot really describe. It was still an early morning, so everyone was rushing just like in Tokyo you might say, but they did that in their own manner, the whole city felt like its moving with passerby's pace, while Tokyo always holds his grounds and never moves. Its concrete is firm and unchangeable, while Osaka has this floating sensation, but then again - i was tired, it was all new and i had just 5 minutes there, so it might be very wrong what i write here. I will be able to explore the city some more in 15 days though, so i’m already excited about it!

I arrived in Sasayama with some kinda relieve. The mountainous view still continued to please me as i went on in the train to the very spot. At first i was just reading a book but the view impressed me so much, i put my book back into the bag without even noticing that and my eyes were just eating every single glimpse of that amazing view. Valleys and rivers between the mountains, greenery everywhere, some fluffy clouds at the summits of the mountains. I felt tears gathering in my eyes and i felt at ease... With every tunnel we went into, i pulled a long face, and when we got out for those couple of seconds i was ready to observe as much as possible. “How beautiful can a country be...” i was thinking. I was praying that the mountains stay with every station passing by and when i arrived to the last stop - Sasayamaguchi i was lucky and smiling, since the mountains were still there. I took a deep breathe and just enjoyed the view for a while without going through gates.

I had some time before i got picked up and i was surprised how quiet it is here! Probably i shouldn’t be surprised, since it’s a really small town and i knew it, but the realization that it might be SO quiet never visited me. I got my hope back that it can be better than Hino, but i’m a little bit worried about the work itself here. We have lots of people here and they seem really friendly, but some kinda strange system started working in me and i wanna back off a little bit - never really had that in this kinda situation. So i’m worried. The house is big and spacious, we have backyard and are gonna eat lots of fresh vegetables. The food isn’t too promising though, because we totally depend on what farmers give to us, so we’re gonna eat really simple things like rice, oats and vegetables, noodles every once in a while. “It might get boring” told me one girl, and normally i wouldn’t complain about it, because i prefer healthy simple food over the complex one, but since my anemia basically came back just before i left to Japan, i would really like to have raw fish every once in a while. Well, every host has his own rules.

The work sounds pretty tough. We start at 6 oclock in the morning and work until 10 oclock, then have 5 hours break and work for another 3 hours, so we have 7 hours working day and mostly we work in the farms and fields, so it is gonna be way more difficult than in Hino, but i hope i can pull it through, those 15 days. We have two days off and, oh boy am i lucky, our “weekend” is thursday and wednesday, so tomorrow and the day after. Today i also wasn’t working, because it my first day and i also felt a little bit bad after the night trip. I didn’t sleep that much after all, and after i took a nap in the afternoon i felt cold and dizzy, so i was just waiting until the dinner in the bed, because i didn’t wanna overdo on my first day. They have lots of mountains here and the roads are not too busy, so i might be able to do some sports finally! There is a waterfall nearby, so i’m all excited about exploring the realm here. The city is pretty far away, but i’ll be trying to go there on one of those days off, since it’s getting ready for a festival and i think it would be nice to make some pictures.

So the first impressions are quite interesting: i’m happy because of the view and the peace here, but i’m worried about the work. But there’s just one way to find out if it’s worth worrying, simple by doing it, so i’m gonna be a little bit restless until Friday, which is gonna be my first working day.

Days here are gonna end pretty soon, since we will have to wake up rather early, maybe at 5 oclock in the morning, so we will also be going to sleep not too late. I hope i can rest here mentally... There is one girl who also was in Hino, so we had lots to talk about! We were sharing our experiences with Kazuko and just telling each other about this and that. She is telling everyone not to go there by any means. Poor host-family on one hand, but on the other - it’s to be expected if you treat people like that.

Day 18.

It is nice to have smth in common with a person from sucha different culture, don't you think? Today i met the guy from yesterday. We played guitars, chatted, went to eat - i was really enjoying the evening. Something impossible happened as well - i went to karaoke for the first time in my life. It's totally his fault! But i have to admit, that it was kinda fun... So, i am so sorry, that i always said 'no' and spoiled fun, from now on i will also go to karaoke with my friends.

Anyway, we were heading to the station already, when it hit me, that we have quite a few things in common and that again made me feel, that every each of us is just part of this world, we are all human beings, we are coming from the same roots. But because of education, friends, society system we greatly differ. That doesn't mean though, that we wouldn't be able to find a soul-mate or a dear friend in a totally foreign culture. I wouldn't call japanese culture totally foreign for me, because i'm interested in it and have been into it for a while now, but still, if we looked to the beginning of my life - i grew up differently than japanese kids, i had different education, different family, i lost the need to fit in, which is still really significant in Japan, and yet, i'm sitting in front of Hachioji's station and playing guitar, singing with a person, who could become a good friend of mine! And we talk, and i wanna talk more and more and more... This makes me wanna travel all around the world more and more every day! Find the clashing points in cultures and find the similarities, learn from different people, gain experience - become a rich personality...

Rain was pouring on my way back home, but i still had my smile on. I was a little bit upset down in my heart, because i knew i'm leaving really soon and i won't be able to meet the guy for long long time (maybe even couple of years!), and who knows if we would still have the wanting to meet after those years, but i still feel that he left a trace in my life. One doesn't have to be genius to impress people or leave a trace, even a small one, in their memories. One just has to have something real and genuine inside and open up at the right moment about the right things. He told me about a girl, who left a big impression on him, and the fact that he is able to value it means a lot for me. Because nowadays, emotions are left behind most of the time...

When we were playing, i was just enjoying the music and then i saw a group of foreigners taking pictures of each other, looking around and then another impossible thing happened - i saw on their T-shirts "Lietuva", which means Lithuania in lithuanian language. I was sooo wicked! I went to them and we just chatted about small things. They came here to the festival and the reason to go to Japan was a karate championship (by the way, japanese won... as always...), it was really nice to meet someone from my own country in Japan! Of course, when i'm in lithuanian gatherings or visiting the embassy, i meet lithuanians, but to meet someone (and they were maybe 6-7 people at once!!!) just by accident is nearly impossible. But things do happen, right..?

This evening is for the last one here in Hino, i got an unbelievable present from our hosts' son - a rilakkuma and a bag with it!!! That's also soo amazing, since i'm just crazy about rilakkuma. I wanted to do many things, but i didn't have any time for them, since i was pretty busy here and those 10 days passed by so fast. I promised my host-momma, that i'm gonna give pictures from Clare (the place where i work) to her, but i even had to break this promise, because i just didn't have enough time to retouch any of the pics. But this is not that big problem, since we all have internet nowadays.

Today i have lots to tell in fact, but because of the whole leaving mood and because of still too vivid experiences, it's difficult for me to put everything in a neat order. I'm not sure when i'll be able to write the next post, because i don't have any idea, if they will have internet in Sasayama, but i sure hope they will!

Day 17.

OMG! One of the best days so far!

Probably i could write and write and write about this day, but it's still too present for me to put it into words. I'm just full of good energy and charged for the rest of the trip. I got to know the side of Japanese society, that i like. And i hope i keep on getting deeper and deeper in this kinda warm and friendly layer...

My working day was short today, maybe because i was working with the host-dad, or maybe because it was my last day of work before leaving for good, so they didn't torture me too much. I even got 1,5 hours for my lunch break! So i took that time for making some pictures of Clare, which i will be posting a little bit later, because i just cannot handle the amount of pictures anymore. I was happy to finally go to the construction suite, where normally just boys go! But i guess, lack of male wwoofers made it necessary for me to join them there... I have to say - it was lots of fun! We worked with glass fiber - had to stuff the walls. It was interesting to work something, where you have to use your muscles (we had some carrying to do). On our way back home i saw a ceremony before starting to build a house. Never seen that before! We were finished more than 1 hour earlier than my normal working day stops, but my host-momma didn't give me any tasks, she just gave us some money for the festival and wished us lots of fun. That was really nice of her!

For me the festival started even before i got to the actual place. Taiwanese wwoofer decided to spoil me with english, so i felt so relieved i don't have to think about how to say what - that helped me a lot.

On our way to the spot, we passed a street musician, a guitarist, and i just had this urge to at least touch the guitar, because i missed it so much!!! So i risked it all and just went to him and asked for the guitar. In Europe i wouldn't have any second thoughts about this, because it's ok to just approach people like that, but right now i'm in Japan and it's all different. I was happy

though and succeeded, but unfortunately the guitar was tuned totally different and i just played around for a minute or two and after saying thanks set out for the festival. It was a little bit similar to the Azabu-Juuban Matsuri from last year in Tokyo, because they type of festival is the same, but it was also very different in a way, because it had way more cultural things, like performances and musicians. As always, i bought okonomiyaki since that is such a festival food for me, but i have to admit that my friend makes better okonomiyaki at home in the frying pan. However, it's not all about the taste, it's also about the process itself, of going out, buying yourself something from of the kiosks and eating somewhere on the side of the road. We were lucky to find a splendid place for eating! It was a staircase of some apartments' house just at the road, so we were watching performances as we ate. Pretty convenient, huh?

I went to the festival with the Taiwanese wwoofer and it was interesting to talk to him about our points of view to the world, our perspectives, how we understand cultures and certain points, how we see the aspects where cultures clash and it was new for me to explore a Taiwanese mind... It was at times complicated, because European opinions differ rather drastically from Asian, but i always tried to understand him as much as possible.

I again understood how difficult for me would be to settle down and how impossible it is to define me, since i feel nationless and i'm just being me. I'm travelling from very small age and i was exposed to different cultures, so i don't feel that i should be described as lithuanian or german or any other nation, because i'm a big mixture. I'm open to any income and i form my own ideas from everything i see, hear, feel, smell, realize... Festivals like that, conversations help me learn and grow, even though for some people it's just a random festival, but i can grab one small detail and make it my shining star for the whole evening!

Just before we went back home we stumbled upon a Taiko performance (a certain japanese drumming) which completely took me. Of course i took my time and made some pictures, but then i just sat down and enjoyed the music with all my body. It is actually amazing how the rhythm can get to you and move every cell inside of you. I already wanna try Kendo out, when i come back to Germany, but right now Taiko is also on the list - i would like to try doing that, even though there might be no possibility in Europe. Besides, i've never played drums in my life! But we'll see. I notice, that this year i explore way more new things than before and i'm so open to them, that some of them can completely take me and hypnotize. I think, i am repeating myself, but i'm sure it's gonna be the best summer so far this year. It is really interesting here and i'm gonna go back as a brighter person, but i'm worried a little bit, how will i be able to stay at one place for almost a year before next summer.

When i thought my festival is over, i got another surprise. We decided not to go home immediately, but instead of that, grab a cup of some drink and just sit down and talk. Talking and communicating in general is one of the biggest part of my life, so this just made the evening better. And on top of all those things, on our real way back (we were already at the station basically), i saw the same guitarist from before. He was still playing, so he recognized me and greeted. At that point there were some more people around, couple of them with their own instruments. One of them was playing exactly at the moment and i couldn't keep my hands still, when i heard his guitar's sound - his guitar was tuned the same like mine! This time we stayed for longer, because i could play and sing as well, that guy could speak really well english, so we just chilled for a while. Unfortunately, we had to back home. I was shining brightly yesterday! And when i came back home, i couldn't stop talking about my experiences, everything was just bursting out! This day was a great experience for me and even if it's not getting better for the rest of the trip, it's already amazing! I won't forget this day for long - i'm sure. I'm already looking forward to the end of August, when i'm gonna have my week off in Osaka and Kyoto. By the way, anyone's welcome to join me there!

Hachiouji Matsuri:

Day 16.

Sigh after sigh today. Sigh because of this and that, here and there, once, twice... trice. A short break. Another sigh again... Six more seconds. Sigh.

Sigh morning.

Sigh day.

Sigh evening. Sigh sigh sigh...

Don't know what's wrong, but something's definitely not quite right here at the moment. Also, my headache and stomach ache are killing me. Today, i got a splitter in my palm and a cicada flew right into my OPENED eye! Fcking bugs... Also, i got blisters all over my feet from new working shoes. Pretty harmful day for me. But in the evening i felt a small crack in my aquarium glass... But i shouldn't get my hopes all high too fast.

From the early morning i could see and hear helicopters going back and forth for the fourth day already and it's making me nervous. Yesterday i even saw that big ass cargo helicopter!!! I should check the news, maybe there's war coming and i don't know a thing about it. Would be pretty bold, huh? I'm imagining right know what it would be, to stay in Japan for the rest of my life. Well, i would definitely stay out of Tokyo (would be bombed pretty fast probably) and get Adam to come to me, so i'm not lonely. Hmmm... And i'm staying in Japan for the rest of my life! That would be sooo awesome! Couple of days ago, i really considered the thought of marrying a japanese guy, so i can stay as much as i want. I wish i could speak fluently japanese though... Right now i cover just the basics, so it is still difficult. Well, it's more than basics that i can understand, but talking by myself is really hard. But i already understood what i lack most, and i'm gonna work on it - it's my vocabulary.

I think i really need someone to chat with, because i started talking to myself already. On top of that - i even laugh at my own jokes, which is pretty sick. It's not that i'm not communicating - i am, but i miss normal proper chats without any grammar gaps and misunderstanding, chats where i can understand everything and say anything i want, more precisely - say exactly what i want and not just go around the topic, what i'm mostly doing with japanese. Still. So after all english talking people left, i lack some every day communication, some teases, some jokes. But i'm gonna be ok! Today on my lunch break, when i was lying on my bed, suffering from pain, i got the chance to talk to my special one. It wasn't a long talk, since i had to go back to work, but i enjoyed that hour we had. He opened up once again and i was happy about that. It is a complicated relationship we're in, but i'm still hanging in. I'd be lying if i said i'm now completely confident about us, because once i lost the faith, it's hard to regain it again so quickly. I cannot see any bright future for us at the moment and that isn't something nice, but it's the reality right now. I'm sometimes worried, because i barely see any future at all. I do, but it's so blurry, it's nearly impossible to grasp. Every once in a while, a thought crosses my mind, that it's not gonna last long. Maybe a couple of years... But if that's what i have with Him - couple of years - then i'm gonna make those couple of years worth living through.

Today a Hachioji Matsuri (festival) has started and it's gonna last till Sunday, so we're planning on going there tomorrow, since it's a city near Hino. Maybe 8 minutes by train... Just two stations, so why not? It's pretty much traditional, with lots to see, i hope, so i'm gonna take my camera and make myself ready! I hope it's not gonna rain and it's not gonna be too hot, so i can enjoy it. It's a pitty that neither of previous wwoofers can go. Because Robert is far away, Adam is in Tokyo, buy not responding, James is already in states and Kathi with Sarah are working both days till the late night, so they cannot make it. I guess i'll be going with that taiwanese, but i think i'd rather just go there for pictures, which means just me and my camera.

Today again we got a nice dessert for lunch from our host-momma, but one thing annoyed me so much! Just imagine: you, entering the room and asking: "So who's gonna cook today? You or us?", and then u're getting an answer like that: "I have no idea. I just have no idea.". So what can i do? I nod, leave the room, close the door and go on with my chores without actually getting any proper answer. That's something i don't like in people... Not being able to give proper answers. She came up with an easy solution in the end - eating out. Well, it wasn't a bad idea, since we went to eat sushi and i totally stuffed myself with it! Was divine. (I'm a big fan of raw fish...) But i have to say, that in that sushi restaurant i saw sushi sorts i've never seen in my life, some of them were quite disturbing like nigiri with pork (rice ball at the bottom and something on the top - that's nigiri) or grilled beef. That's just YACK. You immediately wanna puke after seeing that, but there were also quite a few which were strange but delicious, for example i tried grilled aubergine and cheese nigiri - was really nice, had to take the second plate even. I also saw corn gunkan, okonomiyaki nigiri and many many more strange things. Oooh, those japanese people... Never satisfied with what they have, always have to create, produce, re-produce, come up with an idea, that no one has ever had! Anyway, those food amounts are getting to my hips and belly and already covering my cheek bones, so i have to reduce it quickly or else, i'm doomed... Just one note to self: if you eat chocolate after lunch and cookies after dinner, you shouldn't be whining that you're getting chubby. Well, it's just too obvious!

My photo thing is moving forward and i'm happy about that... I already found one person, who will be able to help me with the web page, so this is gonna move forward rapidly starting next week, i found a place where i can order my business cards cheap and also found where i can develop postcards, so this is also moving. I still have to decide on some other spots for the exhibition, since i don't wanna keep my exhibition just in one place. This is gonna be my first big step into photography as a profession, because my exhibition isn't just about showing myself and my artwork to the world, but there's gonna be also some postcards for sale and with the first sale my photography turns into a commercial one... It gives me the creeps even to think about it, so i guess it's better for me not to have anything in my hands on the opening day, cause everything's gonna be falling down. For now, i have to calm down and make a "to-do" list so i don't forget anything before coming back to Europe... Wish me luck!

Day 15.

Hmmm... interesting day. In the morning i managed to do some exercises and in the evening we went to Tachikawa by bikes with Jacky (that new wwoofer from Taiwan) - woohoo!! I'm totally proud of myself right now. I didn't believe i can actually do it, but surprise, surprise - i did. I'm not gonna jog today, because i don't feel too well, but it's ok. It's actually 100% better than i've expected.

I also managed to do one more thing... Well, i kinda failed in sunbathing again, but today just a little bit. During my break i decided to lay down in the sun. Finally! Well it was more like a tease to my skin, than a real sunbathing, since i had just 20 minutes for that, but still better than nothing. However, my back is still white like a sheet of paper. In the morning i got really annoyed by the weather forecast which stated that the whole week it's gonna be clear and sunny, except on sunday and monday!! AGAIN. Exactly on my days off it's cloudy and stormy and then, starting on tuesday, the weather's good again. How unfair?? I mean, cmon!!! This weekend was like that already, so at least i should get one day where i could go and get some time to turn into a normal person for god's sake! Anyway, i shall not lose my hope. We'll see what sunday will bring to me.

Everything felt strange today... And more like negative strange. It was as if i couldn't find a place for me anywhere. And then in the evening Adam's and Agnes' messages made me smile. Was nice to feel some positive vibes coming to my direction. But it still seems as if i would be locked down in some kinda aquarium and my mood doesn't affect the rest of the world, it's like no matter what i do or say, nothing changes and that weirdness still floats around. I'll try to pull myself together and just continue doing things i've always been doing... Sleep, wake up, take a shower, eat, work, finish working, eat, take a shower, blog, check facebook, skype, email and stuff... Yeah, sounds a bit robotic, but i just don't feel like doing anything else until this fog of weird will dissolve.

Our host-momma is becoming friendlier every day, that's also unusual. She doesn't lose her true self, but she is spoiling me with breaks, she's letting me choose my own tasks sometimes and i can go home way earlier than the regular working time. And also she's giving us lots of desserts, which is nice of course, but i think you can already call me Miss Chubby, because i'm getting softer every minute!

It's already thursday's night, so i have just couple of days more here in Hino and then i'll be going down to Sasayama to work on a vegetable farm. Gonna be tough, i guess...