Too fast.

Things are literally slipping out of my hands. It's been just over a week - not even two! - that i'm back at home, but so many things happened, that i just cannot realize where i am, what i'm doing and what for. My agenda is filled with to do lists but i cannot manage them anymore, i just postpone basically everything... I've never had it so extreme. And the faster it goes, the more i panick, the more i panic, the less i'm able to do and then the circle closes, because the less i do, the more i panic.

I should pull myself together and just do everything i have to, but above all, i just wanna run away for a while, even though i cannot afford that right now. 

My head's filled with plans, decisions that have to be made as soon as possible, tasks, requests, homework... I cannot stop thinking bout certain things that are buzzing in my mind, i cannot get a hold of my routine, i lost my regular sleeping rhythm and i'm feeling the autumn creeping into me - it's almost as if i'm going crazy!!! 

Right now, i would like to go for a walk with someone, just talk about nothing and forget what's happening. Maybe eat melon flavor ice cream and make some hot chocolate afterwards. I want that buzzing to calm down, because right now i'm in a bee hive that doesn't rest, bee hive of buzzing thoughts around me. 

I don't know if i can allow myself to push everything for a second without feeling guilty about it.

And i do need a good massage.

Me on internet page again!

And yet again, i'm on internet page :) this time cause of an official occasion, so i'm pretty happy about this one.

It's in lithuanian (sorry for all the non-lithuanian speakers) and it's about my exhibition in Lithuania, take a look: http://www.manorajonas.lt/naujienos/gyvenimas/1959-kvadratiniais-kelias-atgal-grytant-japonijon 

Natural break.

When i can't stop life gives me a natural break. 

It's so sunny and nice outside right now, but i'm here - indoors, trying to fight my flu that i got from my grandmother. That's what i get for coming back home. My nose and so the whole face feels clogged badly, headache and throat pain are here to make my days less boring as well.

I always run and make new goals, new dreams, new plans, i always forget to rest, take a break, a deep breath. As i've mentioned before i'm gonna try making my morning routine more relaxed, take the rushing out of the list, which is supposed to give me more balance. 

As for now, i have to fight off my flu and come back home safely - today's the last day in Lithuania and then i'm off to Germany, where my home, my cats, rest of the friends and university awaits. Also, practical life which i highly dislike, but well, there's no running away from that - at least not now. 

As i'm gonna enter the last year of my university it's time for me to make new future plans, which is giving me a headache. There's three of them and of course, there's always the fourth one - the unexpected one, which can be basically anything. But i will have to make my decision sooner or later and the sooner it's gonna come, the better it's gonna be. 

This blog is my little anchor of coming back to my real world, always when i travel i tend to forget about it, but when i'm back at home i always find time to sit down and write, so it became almost somewhat of a symbol of my every day life. It's slowly becoming like a diary, which i don't like too much, but as long as i don't know what to write about for big period of time in great amounts, diary will do. 

Yesterday i opened my first big exhibition and it went so much better than i've expected! I got lots of flowers and many people gathered of which quite a few offered spontaneous speeches and praised me. Everything was so new for me! I messed up my opening speech, forgot lots of things that i wanted to say and also, it's difficult for me to talk in lithuanian that fluently as i could maybe 4 years back, but well... I have some space for improvements! I came to like my pictures more and more as the exhibition went on, there were other photographers all around me who kept on taking pictures - it was really unusual, but also really nice, i cannot lie. There's gonna be an article in the paper and things like that - i just officially entered the path i wanna be on. As much as my flu is bothering me right now, i cannot forget about yesterday and that still is giving me a huge boost! My mother's birthday was just a couple days ago and i had to turn modest about the fact, that i got more flowers, than she did on her birthday... 

One woman said: "I'm sure you're gonna be famous one day and we'll be proud that your first exhibition was here.". I really REALLY hope this is gonna come true...