Natural break.

When i can't stop life gives me a natural break. 

It's so sunny and nice outside right now, but i'm here - indoors, trying to fight my flu that i got from my grandmother. That's what i get for coming back home. My nose and so the whole face feels clogged badly, headache and throat pain are here to make my days less boring as well.

I always run and make new goals, new dreams, new plans, i always forget to rest, take a break, a deep breath. As i've mentioned before i'm gonna try making my morning routine more relaxed, take the rushing out of the list, which is supposed to give me more balance. 

As for now, i have to fight off my flu and come back home safely - today's the last day in Lithuania and then i'm off to Germany, where my home, my cats, rest of the friends and university awaits. Also, practical life which i highly dislike, but well, there's no running away from that - at least not now. 

As i'm gonna enter the last year of my university it's time for me to make new future plans, which is giving me a headache. There's three of them and of course, there's always the fourth one - the unexpected one, which can be basically anything. But i will have to make my decision sooner or later and the sooner it's gonna come, the better it's gonna be. 

This blog is my little anchor of coming back to my real world, always when i travel i tend to forget about it, but when i'm back at home i always find time to sit down and write, so it became almost somewhat of a symbol of my every day life. It's slowly becoming like a diary, which i don't like too much, but as long as i don't know what to write about for big period of time in great amounts, diary will do. 

Yesterday i opened my first big exhibition and it went so much better than i've expected! I got lots of flowers and many people gathered of which quite a few offered spontaneous speeches and praised me. Everything was so new for me! I messed up my opening speech, forgot lots of things that i wanted to say and also, it's difficult for me to talk in lithuanian that fluently as i could maybe 4 years back, but well... I have some space for improvements! I came to like my pictures more and more as the exhibition went on, there were other photographers all around me who kept on taking pictures - it was really unusual, but also really nice, i cannot lie. There's gonna be an article in the paper and things like that - i just officially entered the path i wanna be on. As much as my flu is bothering me right now, i cannot forget about yesterday and that still is giving me a huge boost! My mother's birthday was just a couple days ago and i had to turn modest about the fact, that i got more flowers, than she did on her birthday... 

One woman said: "I'm sure you're gonna be famous one day and we'll be proud that your first exhibition was here.". I really REALLY hope this is gonna come true...

Day 48.

Today is a black black day for me.

Black black day.

Even though i had quite a pleasant day, nice one hour at the beach and nice dinner, the evening was really bad and was something that ruined the whole day.

In the morning i was already a little bit stressed. I slept pretty bad, so i was easy annoyed, but i managed to overcome it and was happy about that achievement.

In the evening my head started aching again and it was pretty bad. It didn't just stay like that - it got worse and worse and worse... I started feeling dizzy, i thought i could throw up any second, i cut myself twice. And of course, i had to sit down and while doing that i started searching for an answer, because it's not the first time when i get head ache and that dizziness feeling in this place. I had to understand, why my body is protesting so much!

The answer i could come up with didn't please me... It is this place i guess. Well, not the place itself, but the working hours. I basically spend 12 hours in cafe. The work isn't hard and we have a break of one hour, also we rest every once in a while, since it's not much to do sometimes, but still - we are all the time there. I wake up, have couple of hours time before we take off and then i come back just late at night - 23oclock, sometimes 24oclock and even later. For me it's really too much...

To be honest, i don't dare asking them if it would be ok, to work somehow less, like 7 or 8 hours a day, but i guess i'll have to talk to them and if it's not possible i might have to leave. Which makes me sad... I really like this place! And the hosts are really friendly, so i would like to stay here, i would... But sometimes in life we have to be selfish and this situation is exactly like that - my health, my body conditions has to be on the first place and i cannot mess up with myself. My body clearly sent me the message and i have to do something... I need a little bit more time just for myself. Out of the cafe. Be outside the working place.