Day 52.

Was a busy busy day!

I slowly am going back to my regular eating and getting the comments, that i barely eat - well good for me. The first week after Sasayama i was eating like crazy, i even got remarks about it, so i felt embarrassed a little bit. This is also the reason for an extreme diet after i come back from Japan - i crossed my definite stop-limit when it comes to weight and i feel terrible... And i don't like myself anymore, which is not good. I don't care too much about what scales say, never cared about it, but i do care about how i feel about myself - and i was glowing and happy with my looks before i left to Japan. Right now i gained already 4 kg... That's extreme! I have cheeks now! I wanna do sports here, because my body is out of tune, but it's just too hot to do anything outside, i would probably die after 5 minutes jogging. So i'm just enjoying here and now and gonna starve those 4 kg away when i'm back in Europe i guess... Just kidding, i'm not the starving type - i have clever techniques. But it's not gonna be easy.

Leaving that behind, i have to repeat it again: it was a busy busy day... Even though we didn't have that many people today, it somehow was pretty stressful, since we had three different groups and one of them wasn't there for BBQ, but just regular eating out people, so we had different orders and they ate quite a lot and diverse... At some point we almost ran out of glasses for drinks and ice cubes!

It wasn't just busy, it was long as well... Today my host-mom offered me a lift back home while the hosts stayed in the shop for another while - it was almost 1 oclock already! And i felt really nice that she brought me back home... I think that's the way it should be. I'm just a wwoofer after all, and they're the owners.

Day 45.

So today was my first real working day here and i have to be honest - i feel totally tired... We worked up until late night, we came when it was almost 1 oclock. With an early start like we have it's pretty difficult. At least for me, since i'm not used to this. First of all, i normally go early to bed which is already a problem, second of all, i'm wwoofing here which is a help and assistance to the hosts, so if they chose the life style like this, it's their choice i guess, but not mine and i really wouldn't like to spend over 12 hours in the cafe!

But maybe today's just an exception, so i cannot make anything much out of today. Maybe tomorrow's totally different. Oh, i really do hope so...

In the evening, i even fell asleep on the couch for an hour or so, but they woke up because of the customers. It wasn't even really customers - they were all good friends of the owners, so they were just hanging out, which made me a little bit sad and angry (maybe angry is a little too strong word though), because they could hang around with the friends on their own time, but i would really appreciate if i went back home, you know.

At some point i felt really dizzy, like drunk or high, or maybe both. I really just wanted to go back home and sleep, rest and forget about that day.

The thing that made me even more upset was that i didn't dare to tell them anything. I couldn't fight for myself and say: maybe i could go back home? I just stayed there on the couch and waited until the customers leave.

I think i'm also a little bit tired of this wwoofing thing, because it's always really great at first and then you start seeing things and then you start complaining and stop liking the place, so i guess the first thing that makes me disappointed is already a huge red flag for me and the emergency alarm inside of me goes on. I felt really drained in the evening and i understood that this kinda lifestyle would be equal to suicide if i did that for years on my own.