Day 54.

We had an early finish today! Woohoo!! We had a reservation for lunch, but none for the evening, so my hosts decided to call it a day when it was just 5 pm.

It was good for me, even though i didn't do anything remarkable in my free time. I did however grab a bike and went for a short ride in the neighborhood. I'm also done with the final pick for the exhibition, so now it's just ordering left. It's less than a month until my grand opening and i'm really happy i've decided to do it! I've never studied photography, i just learned it by doing it and experiencing new things, so i often feel insecure about my pictures, because i lack theory in order to defend them if someone says it's crap. But i guess everyone will just smile at me, even if it's terrible.

I notice that the work starts annoying me sometimes. Especially in the mornings. Today we left at 10 am, which is about 2 hours earlier than normal, so i was already a little bit afraid of what's coming today. But it turned out not so bad at all... I started sleeping worse, way worse and it's definitely a result of this kinda work, but it's just 10 more days before i leave, so i can take it. The sleep is not as important at the moment as for example my weight... Today i couldn't believe how badly i fucked up!! I don't remember the last time it was as bad as now, so it really got on my mood for the whole day. I'm angry with myself. Big time. And i've already told my host-momma that i'm gonna cut on the portions a little bit, because i don't feel good now and she understood me - she's a woman after all. (And a gorgeous one by the way...) It's a pity it's so terribly hot in Japan, because i would like to do some jogging and sports outside - i brought my exercise outfit, but for me it's just suffering to be outside, not even talking about working out. But i'll find a way. I know i will lose that weight and get back to normal look, but it's gonna cost lots of time, nerves, patience and self-confidence, which i barely have. Anyway, it's not just about the fact it's not gonna be easy, but also bout the fact, that i fucked up so much! I mean, i gained 5 kg which is A LOT and i gained them in like 2 months, but to lose them takes way longer, it's not just about the weight as well, it's also bout the body shape, because it's not gonna be nice after i lose them... Well, to sum this up in a sentence: i'm angry, disappointed, disgusted and upset.

Day 52.

Was a busy busy day!

I slowly am going back to my regular eating and getting the comments, that i barely eat - well good for me. The first week after Sasayama i was eating like crazy, i even got remarks about it, so i felt embarrassed a little bit. This is also the reason for an extreme diet after i come back from Japan - i crossed my definite stop-limit when it comes to weight and i feel terrible... And i don't like myself anymore, which is not good. I don't care too much about what scales say, never cared about it, but i do care about how i feel about myself - and i was glowing and happy with my looks before i left to Japan. Right now i gained already 4 kg... That's extreme! I have cheeks now! I wanna do sports here, because my body is out of tune, but it's just too hot to do anything outside, i would probably die after 5 minutes jogging. So i'm just enjoying here and now and gonna starve those 4 kg away when i'm back in Europe i guess... Just kidding, i'm not the starving type - i have clever techniques. But it's not gonna be easy.

Leaving that behind, i have to repeat it again: it was a busy busy day... Even though we didn't have that many people today, it somehow was pretty stressful, since we had three different groups and one of them wasn't there for BBQ, but just regular eating out people, so we had different orders and they ate quite a lot and diverse... At some point we almost ran out of glasses for drinks and ice cubes!

It wasn't just busy, it was long as well... Today my host-mom offered me a lift back home while the hosts stayed in the shop for another while - it was almost 1 oclock already! And i felt really nice that she brought me back home... I think that's the way it should be. I'm just a wwoofer after all, and they're the owners.