Lol.

Dreadful day.

I even don't know where to start...

The very morning started with a huge fail. After waking up, i did laundry, dressed in my jogging outfit, took my iPod and... FELL ASLEEP. I woke up then at 11 am in my sport clothes. I was pissed at myself immediately and didn't wanna do anything anymore.

Apparently this morning i forgot my birth control pill, which means that no fun without rubber next week. I had to forget exactly now, when it's just 3 fucking days left!!! So in those couple of days that i can enjoy until my red days start i'm gonna be forced to think bout the rubber all the time... Exactly now when my bf is coming after two months of not seeing each other, and afterwards i'm leaving to Japan which means we're not gonna see each other for another 3-4 months. Well done, Milly...

What i also today forgot is to eat properly... So i spend most of the time being hungry. And thanx to this terrible experience, i promised myself to never skip meals again! Yes, i did gain a kilo or two in the last week, coz i was stuffing myself with all that nutritious food, so my brain can work properly for the exam, but i don't have to torture myself now and starve to death... But yeah, of course i'm happy to mention that i gained that unwanted weight in summer. Splendid, huh?

The evening didn't bring enlightenment even though i cleaned my flat nicely and could relax, instead it brought me a giant headache, which is still present. It's like my head's gonna explode any second now.

Another thing came to its climax today. My cat, who is wandering all around the roof (i'm living on the last floor), pooped in the water pipe under my neighbor's kitchen's window and they just totally hate me now. They already did, so Shaya (my cat) just gave them an excuse this time. Now i'm kinda being forced to put nets all over my windows and balcony, so the cat cannot escape. How stupid is that??? I'm thinking about moving actually, but everything's buzzing in my head so intensely i cannot think at all.

I started making my internet page which was supposed to be a good thing, but it's so fucking difficult, that it's no fun at all. I spent hours on it and still didn't get what i wanted... Tiresome.

Even though i'm watering my balcony plants regularly they're totally withering... Today one of them died completely. Hip hip, hooray!

Just before i wanted to go to sleep, i kinda grabbed my bf's attention, coz i wanted to chat with him so badly! Even thought he is supposed to come here in couple of days, i just wanted to say hi to him... Everything ended in a huge huge fight.

And so here i am, crying and writing my blog without any dignity left in me after today, restless, with aching head, still hungry, pissed at myself that i forgot my pill and i still have to write all those emails to arrange my working and staying in Japan!!!!! It's just impossible today... I had to do it yesterday, but today's passed and i'm still not done with it. I'm spending my time now for this blog, which no one reads.

Tomorrow i'm working. Maybe it'll help to take my mind off certain things. Like my bf, our relationship (really difficult relationship at the moment...) and my cats...

Good night, world. Hope you had a lovely day, coz mine just sucked!

Frustration day.

Having just couple of days left until my exam i feel my motivation fading every day more and more. Today i couldn't concentrate at all and got very much frustrated. I spent basically the whole day just for "learning", which means i didn't allow myself to start anything else, but it anyway ended in watching tons of anime and surfing in web, eventually singing, playing my guitar and felting a small gift for my mom. I did learn something, but definitely way less than i wanted to do.

Anyway, i almost finished what i've been doing for my mom as a thank you gift for my camera. It is nothing special... But my special one advised me to make something for her, since i was worrying sick about that amount of money i'm taking for her just like that... He said i shouldn't give her money back, nor should i buy anything; instead i should try making something by myself and knowing that i like to felt every once in a while when i have a spare minute (which i unfortunately barely do...), that advise appealed. It is going to be a key-chain charm, so i still have to do the part where it becomes a key chain charm, since now it doesn't have a chain, but i'm gonna finish it this weekend and send it to her on Tuesday or Monday. Take a look at it:

Green Tea Cup Charm

I have no idea, why i start lacking motivation and will exactly now, but it just happened, so i guess i have to stop complaining and start praying to any possible god and asking for luck on Tuesday. Basically i've done everything that's needed, but didn't do enough exercises and when it comes to language exercises are crucial to get used to a it, but somehow i have faith this time. It is pretty stressful though, because i know that i HAVE to pass, since i'm not gonna be in Germany by the time of second try. I'm going to London just after i come back from Japan and then i'm leaving to Lithuania and going back to Germany just in the middle of October when my lectures starts again. So the knowing that i won't be able to take the second exam also puts pressure on me...

To make it even worse, i cannot forget that out of the blue my insomnia came back. I hate waking up later than 9 o'clock in the morning and wasting all that precious time!!! And no matter how long i sleep, i still feel strange all day. My eating habits got knocked out along with my sleeping rhythm, basically i eat nothing, then stuff myself full, so i already can imagine what my scale would say and that's exactly the reason why i'm not stepping on them at least until the exam! I've decided to give my best this weekend and not learn at all on Monday - just repeat some things... And i wish all possible luck for me on Tuesday.

Leaving all the complaints and worries about my exam a little bit behind, i also wanna mention that yesterday i have the second chance to Havana Club in Leipzig. And unfortunately came back really early and really disappointed... First of all, as i had decided not to go there, i wasn't preparing for it at all, so when my friend called me and asked me out, i just came along by taking any random outfit out of my drawer and that was a bad decision indeed since yesterday we had a Dress-Up party, but that wasn't the worst part... Dance floor is really small. Drinks are really expensive (thanx god i don't drink...) and the whole club is filled with really weird people, so i couldn't relax at all. I was observing and my analytical part took over, so after maybe 20 minutes of sitting and looking around i just decided to go back home. If you like latin music and probably you should like it if you're going to Havana Club, the music is ok, not good though. We kept getting those cheesy, slow rhythms even though we barely had couples on the dance floor, so it was nearly impossible to enjoy and just move. But i have to confess, that i don't dance to latin music, or at least i don't know how to, so that was another barricade for me. I really tried to have fun, since i wanted to take some things of my mind, but i failed.

Afterwards when i was walking to the station, i saw some more people in the city that normally you don't see in the daytime. I guess i'll be avoiding friday nights from now on.

There were two more things that irritated me. First of all, that suspicious older guy in the bus, who was starring at me all the fcking time until my station. I was praying, he's not getting out at the same station as i did, but luckily he stayed in the bus, while i was marching back home.

The second thing was bunch of young boys, trying to look cool and so wearing their trousers so low, that actually the whole but was out and you can see clearly the pattern of their boxers. I mean, am i old or this is really the new fashion??? In any case, it did look just dreadful. I was just wondering, how are they walking with trousers like that?

Today is saturday. So i have three days left until my exam. I guess i'll try pushing my laptop further from me and i will force myself to sit at the books today. Even though it's difficult.

Yesterday, by the way, i came across this song by Blue Foundation and totally fell in love with it! You should definitely check it out.

Oh, sometimes i wish i could be just like my cat and sleep in the balcony throughout the whole day...