Day 48.

Today is a black black day for me.

Black black day.

Even though i had quite a pleasant day, nice one hour at the beach and nice dinner, the evening was really bad and was something that ruined the whole day.

In the morning i was already a little bit stressed. I slept pretty bad, so i was easy annoyed, but i managed to overcome it and was happy about that achievement.

In the evening my head started aching again and it was pretty bad. It didn't just stay like that - it got worse and worse and worse... I started feeling dizzy, i thought i could throw up any second, i cut myself twice. And of course, i had to sit down and while doing that i started searching for an answer, because it's not the first time when i get head ache and that dizziness feeling in this place. I had to understand, why my body is protesting so much!

The answer i could come up with didn't please me... It is this place i guess. Well, not the place itself, but the working hours. I basically spend 12 hours in cafe. The work isn't hard and we have a break of one hour, also we rest every once in a while, since it's not much to do sometimes, but still - we are all the time there. I wake up, have couple of hours time before we take off and then i come back just late at night - 23oclock, sometimes 24oclock and even later. For me it's really too much...

To be honest, i don't dare asking them if it would be ok, to work somehow less, like 7 or 8 hours a day, but i guess i'll have to talk to them and if it's not possible i might have to leave. Which makes me sad... I really like this place! And the hosts are really friendly, so i would like to stay here, i would... But sometimes in life we have to be selfish and this situation is exactly like that - my health, my body conditions has to be on the first place and i cannot mess up with myself. My body clearly sent me the message and i have to do something... I need a little bit more time just for myself. Out of the cafe. Be outside the working place.

Day 13.

TIRED!!!

Since i'm the only one here, i'm working a lot... Not because she gives me more tasks (well today she did actually), but mostly because i'm alone, so i just do my work. I don't chat and fool around with other wwoofers... Doing that, i finish faster, which means i get a new task. Today i walked the dog, baked breads, cleaned the wwoofers' house, worked in the kitchen a bit, picked apples and aubergines, did some gardening (weeding and watering)... I dared to eat some more grapes today, because i was weeding just right next to them. Oh, boy are they delicious!

Sometimes i am still surprised by the size of Clare's garden and by the variety of things growing there - from nicest rose till dill, from apples till aubergines. You can find there many sorts of herbs and i'm not even starting to talk about flowers. It's really beautiful. The garden needs way more weeding though, than it's done, but if you manage to ignore the mess, then you can enjoy it. It's nice to wake up in the morning and pick some blueberries for breakfast and afterwards make some fresh mint tea for brunch and maybe bake an apple pie and pick some basil leaves for salads in the evening. Anyway, it's lots of work. I know now... Today after doing all those things i was sooo happy that she let me go 15 minutes earlier! I took a long refreshing shower and just relaxed doing nothing but lying on the bed.

It might sound strange, but i'm preparing to sleep soon, even though it's just around 21.oo o'clock. I wanna be energetic tomorrow not like today. I was planning to go sunbathe a little bit on my lunch break, because the weather was sooo lovely (not like on my days off... Both days off were cloudy), but after lunch i came to check my facebook and laid down on the bed, so it all ended in me, sleeping through the whole break. Tomorrow i'm really going to sunbathe a little bit, because that white back is really funny.

I'm noticing my growing appetite, since i'm on my pms and that worries me a little bit. I will have to work on the first day of my period and that's not good, because normally i'm in sucha big pain, i barely can move a finger. But we'll see. I have some pain killers in my bag, so i'll be probably popping the pills like candies. That's not all that's bothering me... My feet still itch like hell!!! And it's not getting better. I don't have any medicine that could help relieve it, so it's really pain in the ass (feet and ass! Yeah!). But i'll survive! I hope...

After talking to my mom yesterday i feel the urge to make one thing clear. It's not so bad here as it might look like from my blogs. It's just that i'm telling more about bad things, than good ones. Well, yeah it is true, that there are not so many good sides, but in general it's not bad. I get food (or i cook by myself, but i get ingredients), i get bed and shower, they talk to me and i can have my own time after work. Of course, there are things (quite a few...) that are ruining the whole stay, but it's doable here. So don't worry about me too much. I'm still young, i care about it way less than you do.

Tomorrow by the way, one more wwoofer is coming - a guy from Taiwan, so i'm not gonna be alone. However, he is a guy, so he's gonna be working with our host-dad and not with me... Pity. Today one girl had to come (also from Taiwan), but she hasn't arrived yet, nor did she send any message, so she's either not coming at all, or arriving out of the blue. I have 5 more days here and then i'm off to Sasayama! I really wish it wouldn't be worse than this one, because that would be probably too much for me. I'm looking forward to it! And for those coming 5 days i'll keep on ignoring host-momma's moodiness and stupid remarks, keep on enjoying good weather and taking pictures of everything around me.

For those, who are in Japan, you are more than welcome to visit us in Hino at Clare Home & Garden to have a nibble on some home-made bread.

Day 9.

So yeah... here i am, sitting in the bathroom, writing my blog, spoiling my itching feet with some green tea. I got allergy from weeding and it's killing me. Since i don't have any medicine for allergies, that's basically the best what i can do. The water tap is pretty much killing me as well, because i have to sit here for at least another 15 minutes and that dripping water really annoys me! But i'm too lazy to go there and do something to make it stop... And then again, today was a pretty stressful day full of ups and downs, so i guess everything and everyone can annoy me at the moment.

Today we did some serious weeding and were working straight from the morning. We were baking bread as always and doing some other chores. One of the best tasks was picking blueberries! I kinda enjoyed it, even though we

couldn't eat them of course. But of course, oooh

of

course, we did a little bit. Even though it was stressful from the beginning it kinda slowed

down around afternoon.

We girls, helped with cooking a little bit and then washed the dishes, but afterwards we basically were just sitting here and there, drinking some chilled tea, we even got some sweets from the host which was quite a surprise. Then she offered us to bake something sweet and we went for cinnamon butter cookies, which turned out not quite like we expected (the first tray melted and became a cookie pizza rather than separate cookies), but it sure was delicious! That task really cheered me up, because i like baking sweets, even though i'm not good at it. But then again, we sucked at the task and couldn't finish it without being scolded. We couldn't find her and the micro-oven (oven looking like a microwave) wasn't working like we wanted or hoped, so we just tried something and unfortunately we took the wrong plate for it, so she was pissed at us for that. It was a little bit (a little bit??) unusual to see Kazuko (our host) in sucha good mood through out the whole day, so that kinda put everything back to its place. And still i was pretty much thrilled about today. And the evening was sure promising. Was. Promising...

However, our promising evening didn't go well.

We had boys cook today and i was totally enjoying it! Everyone was in a perfect mood before eating, we were chatting, laughing, started eating and noticed that there's not quite enough left for Tomoko when she comes over (she always does) and there's basically nothing for her spoiled child Mahiro, so we took bits from ourselves, so Tomoko has enough and the host-dad told us, that Mahiro doesn't eat curry rice, because it's too spicy, so we didn't leave anything for her except rice and salads, but well.. if she doesn't eat curry then what's the use of having another portion of it when it's not gonna be used??? So anyway, we also had two types of rice - the yellow ones and the white ones. We first used completely the white rice and then went with the yellow ones for the rest, but when we were done with distributing that one, we just left the yellow rice for other people who might come over later. We were already eating, still in totally good spirit and then she came... our host-mama, or should i say our host-(bitch)witch and made sucha drama out of the fact that we don't have white rice anymore. I mean, we didn't even know that there's sucha big difference between the rice. For god's sake, it's still rice! What does it matter if you're eating this or that? But anyway, she totally shouted at us and appeal to "family" subject, by saying: we are one big family, you have to think about everyone. But actually we did think about everyone, there was one portion left for Tomoko and since Mahiro doesn't eat curry according to our host-dad, we left just some more salads and rice for the small one. And you know, if you don't have enough rice, then just cook it, what's the big deal?

Anyway, she totally killed the mood. And it was sad, because some of the guys are leaving on sunday and monday and i wanna have as much as possible nice moments with them. After this spectacle we just went back to our rooms, but me and my roommate left the host house soon and went to the rest of us. But they went to party to the other city, so yeah...

Another disappointment was even later, when we came back and i found a plate with white rice, yellow rice and that portion of curry UNTOUCHED and even with foil on it and ready to be pushed into the fridge. So we actually gave food from our portions, so Tomoko could eat as well and in the end - no one even tasted it. Pretty unfair, huh?

I guess it's not gonna be an easy day tomorrow, because she's gonna take it out on us. But then again - somewhere deep inside of me, i hope i'm wrong for our own sake.

Dreadful day.

I even don't know where to start...

The very morning started with a huge fail. After waking up, i did laundry, dressed in my jogging outfit, took my iPod and... FELL ASLEEP. I woke up then at 11 am in my sport clothes. I was pissed at myself immediately and didn't wanna do anything anymore.

Apparently this morning i forgot my birth control pill, which means that no fun without rubber next week. I had to forget exactly now, when it's just 3 fucking days left!!! So in those couple of days that i can enjoy until my red days start i'm gonna be forced to think bout the rubber all the time... Exactly now when my bf is coming after two months of not seeing each other, and afterwards i'm leaving to Japan which means we're not gonna see each other for another 3-4 months. Well done, Milly...

What i also today forgot is to eat properly... So i spend most of the time being hungry. And thanx to this terrible experience, i promised myself to never skip meals again! Yes, i did gain a kilo or two in the last week, coz i was stuffing myself with all that nutritious food, so my brain can work properly for the exam, but i don't have to torture myself now and starve to death... But yeah, of course i'm happy to mention that i gained that unwanted weight in summer. Splendid, huh?

The evening didn't bring enlightenment even though i cleaned my flat nicely and could relax, instead it brought me a giant headache, which is still present. It's like my head's gonna explode any second now.

Another thing came to its climax today. My cat, who is wandering all around the roof (i'm living on the last floor), pooped in the water pipe under my neighbor's kitchen's window and they just totally hate me now. They already did, so Shaya (my cat) just gave them an excuse this time. Now i'm kinda being forced to put nets all over my windows and balcony, so the cat cannot escape. How stupid is that??? I'm thinking about moving actually, but everything's buzzing in my head so intensely i cannot think at all.

I started making my internet page which was supposed to be a good thing, but it's so fucking difficult, that it's no fun at all. I spent hours on it and still didn't get what i wanted... Tiresome.

Even though i'm watering my balcony plants regularly they're totally withering... Today one of them died completely. Hip hip, hooray!

Just before i wanted to go to sleep, i kinda grabbed my bf's attention, coz i wanted to chat with him so badly! Even thought he is supposed to come here in couple of days, i just wanted to say hi to him... Everything ended in a huge huge fight.

And so here i am, crying and writing my blog without any dignity left in me after today, restless, with aching head, still hungry, pissed at myself that i forgot my pill and i still have to write all those emails to arrange my working and staying in Japan!!!!! It's just impossible today... I had to do it yesterday, but today's passed and i'm still not done with it. I'm spending my time now for this blog, which no one reads.

Tomorrow i'm working. Maybe it'll help to take my mind off certain things. Like my bf, our relationship (really difficult relationship at the moment...) and my cats...

Good night, world. Hope you had a lovely day, coz mine just sucked!