*Winterstart*

Frost touched roofs, street signs, her lips and fingertips. City was filling with steaming people every time they talk, yawn or simply breathe. Kids started painting on trams' windows - it's just a matter of time, when they start sticking their tongues to the metal poles to prove wrong or right the theory about metal and flesh cooperation in cold. People doubled in size - coat, scarf, hat; i'm not talking about that part of society though, which cares about actually exposing their bodies as much as possible - you will always find more of this treat in certain parts of the city. 

Dogs were dressed in colourful, warm and sometimes (mostly?) embarrassing clothes. Kids too. Neither of them really cared. 

Snow fell really slowly on the sleeping city when just few were awake and sneakily hid during the day. Layers of it like sugar icing on a cupcake were to be seen outside and she shuddered a bit while having her cup of tea at the balcony doors. She would normally go out and sit outside, but not now, not in the winter. 

She didn't like cold, although enjoyed the snow sometimes. Watching it. Especially in the mornings, when she would still be inside or in the evenings, when it glitters in million colours, reflecting street lamps, cars and the rest of what this flashing world has to offer. 

Mornings changed after the first snow fell. It became colder in temperature outside and inside, it became slower, for no one wants to get out of their cozy beds, it became really silent. Sometimes it would struck her, that yet another year passed by. Snow was her messenger.  Sometimes she would turn silent for the whole season and hold back a lot, stay in front of the books. She would often buy candles, for she thought it goes well with the winter. 

Today she's trying to figure out what kind of music suits winter most. 

"It's almost december",- she thought to herself. Everything around her knew what that means - another year almost passed by... 

Day 38.

This morning i woke up pretty early, even though i went to sleep quite late. I guess it's just something like a habit already - no matter how late i'm going to bed, i still wake up around 5-6 oclock in the morning. It was quiet in the house, because it was just four of us who were leaving today and the rest was working from 6 in the morning. It's actually a lot leaving at once - 4 people, so i guess the house will feel strange after that. On the other hand, for the oldies we are just something new and strange. And we're probably not part of the family to them...

After finishing all the letters to those who are staying (kinda my thing...), we left before 9 am, but i was happy that we could leave when no one was around - i'm bad with good byes. So when i stepped into the bus, my wwoofing days in Sasayama were over and i was off to Osaka.

I arrived rather fast, but the tickets were expensive. The place where i'm staying is quite cool and the host is really friendly - a canadian guy. And it's quite a cool place, quiet at least. The apartment is pretty big, but total strange after living in Sasayama, in a pretty japanese house!

I'm not the only couch surfer there, so i hooked up with two other guys and went to Osaka's castle today. A japanese girl and a french man - they're really friendly. And every time i meet nice people on things like that, wwoof or couch surf i think, that it is a nice way to meet amazing people, but they are just coming and leaving - no one’s really staying in your life. And because of that i can feel really complete and really empty at once, which is not a nice conflict.

It's just my first day in Osaka, but i immediately get the feeling that it's so different than Tokyo, but i still don't quite get what's the biggest difference between these two cities. Well, i'm not gonna stay here for long - i'm gonna be here just for couple of days, i'm leaving soon to Kyoto, but i'll try to explore the city a little bit and see some places... Last year i basically stayed in Tokyo all the time, so this year i'm crazily travelling! But i'm lacking some free time a bit, since i wanna stay in Kyoto a bit longer. But it's ok, that will be the reason to come back again and again!

Day 19 and Day 20.

These two days i’m gonna merge together, because i just didn’t have the chance to write about them separately and right now, it’s a little bit stupid to write two different posts, when everything’s mixed together already.

I’m afraid there’s gonna be more merged posts, cause we don’t have any wi-fi at this host and there’s just one computer and around 15 wwoofers, so i’m almost sure, i’m not gonna be keep my blog updated daily, but i shall try and we’ll see how it goes!

So yesterday i left Hino... I got kinda soft and felt a bit upset after leaving it, because i really started to get used to things there and also because i attach to places and people. I love travelling and i do that a lot in fact, but i have this attachment thing, that actually ruins the fun, because i know i’m not gonna meet most of the people ever again, but still i wanna keep my hopes up and of course, i get disappointed most of the times, when the obvious happen - those people just drift apart. But is it wrong for me to want to keep nice people in my life? Or is it just too desperate?

Yesterday after leaving Hino i went to the embassy first and actually planned staying just for a couple of minutes, repack, leave and come back just before closing time to get my suitcase, but it ended up in me staying there for couple of hours and leaving before closing time, but without ever going out. Maybe it’s because i still feel one of them, maybe because i want to feel like them, besides it really brings the memories, so i feel nice being there. Just entering the Azabu-Juuban district makes my smile bigger. I never liked Tokyo too much, but i’d be lying if i said, i don’t feel nice there. It is nice to find familiar places, it’s nice to know where to go, and yes, i got attached to that place as well - i was living there for three months last year after all.

I am coming to Tokyo for the last 5 days of my trip this year and i’m already looking forward to it.

After visiting the embassy, i spent the evening with Adam! Even though we had to carry my baggage all around (one big backpack and one big suitcase), it was still fun. We went straight to Shinjuku, where my bus was leaving from, so we don’t have to change our spot too much anymore. It was weird sensation i got. At first i knew just approximately where to go, but with every second passing by and with every step we made, memories came back rushing to me and brought me to the point, where i knew exactly where i’m going and where i can find what. I didn’t spend too much time last year in Shinjuku, but the feeling of being in some kinda familiar place, made me feel at ease. It was nice of Adam to spend the whole evening with me, because if not him, i probably would be just sitting in Starbucks for 5 hours and waiting for my bus to come.

Instead, we did quite a few things until my departure time, but that time also came! I’ve never travelled by this night bus before, so it was a new experience for me. And now i know that i should recommend this way of travelling for everyone, who’s not afraid of spending the whole night in the bus. Of course, it’s not as fast as Shinkansen (the high speed train), but it’s also three times cheaper, so it’s a pretty good deal, i think. I left Shinjuku around 22:30 oclock and i was in Osaka at 7:00 oclock in

the morning. The seats were big and comfy, but i spend a great amount of time (basically the first half of the night) trying to figure out where to put my long european legs, because they were hurting a little bit, but after i found a way, i slept like a baby. Starting with Kyoto my eyes were wide open, looking at everything through the window, because everything was new and interesting. There were so many mountains - i was just impressed. I spent just couple of minutes in Osaka, but i already got the first impression of it. It is really different from Tokyo!!! Not just practical things like for example, in Tokyo you’re always standing at the left side of the escalators while leaving the right side free for people who’re in rush and just wanna go faster. But in Osaka, it’s opposite system. So i was blocking the traffic for a while. But i had my comfort in the fact, that i did that not because i’m a plain foreigner, but because i’m a Tokyo Foreigner so to say - was raised in Tokyo and adapted to that city. Anyhow, the city has this strange feeling that i cannot really describe. It was still an early morning, so everyone was rushing just like in Tokyo you might say, but they did that in their own manner, the whole city felt like its moving with passerby's pace, while Tokyo always holds his grounds and never moves. Its concrete is firm and unchangeable, while Osaka has this floating sensation, but then again - i was tired, it was all new and i had just 5 minutes there, so it might be very wrong what i write here. I will be able to explore the city some more in 15 days though, so i’m already excited about it!

I arrived in Sasayama with some kinda relieve. The mountainous view still continued to please me as i went on in the train to the very spot. At first i was just reading a book but the view impressed me so much, i put my book back into the bag without even noticing that and my eyes were just eating every single glimpse of that amazing view. Valleys and rivers between the mountains, greenery everywhere, some fluffy clouds at the summits of the mountains. I felt tears gathering in my eyes and i felt at ease... With every tunnel we went into, i pulled a long face, and when we got out for those couple of seconds i was ready to observe as much as possible. “How beautiful can a country be...” i was thinking. I was praying that the mountains stay with every station passing by and when i arrived to the last stop - Sasayamaguchi i was lucky and smiling, since the mountains were still there. I took a deep breathe and just enjoyed the view for a while without going through gates.

I had some time before i got picked up and i was surprised how quiet it is here! Probably i shouldn’t be surprised, since it’s a really small town and i knew it, but the realization that it might be SO quiet never visited me. I got my hope back that it can be better than Hino, but i’m a little bit worried about the work itself here. We have lots of people here and they seem really friendly, but some kinda strange system started working in me and i wanna back off a little bit - never really had that in this kinda situation. So i’m worried. The house is big and spacious, we have backyard and are gonna eat lots of fresh vegetables. The food isn’t too promising though, because we totally depend on what farmers give to us, so we’re gonna eat really simple things like rice, oats and vegetables, noodles every once in a while. “It might get boring” told me one girl, and normally i wouldn’t complain about it, because i prefer healthy simple food over the complex one, but since my anemia basically came back just before i left to Japan, i would really like to have raw fish every once in a while. Well, every host has his own rules.

The work sounds pretty tough. We start at 6 oclock in the morning and work until 10 oclock, then have 5 hours break and work for another 3 hours, so we have 7 hours working day and mostly we work in the farms and fields, so it is gonna be way more difficult than in Hino, but i hope i can pull it through, those 15 days. We have two days off and, oh boy am i lucky, our “weekend” is thursday and wednesday, so tomorrow and the day after. Today i also wasn’t working, because it my first day and i also felt a little bit bad after the night trip. I didn’t sleep that much after all, and after i took a nap in the afternoon i felt cold and dizzy, so i was just waiting until the dinner in the bed, because i didn’t wanna overdo on my first day. They have lots of mountains here and the roads are not too busy, so i might be able to do some sports finally! There is a waterfall nearby, so i’m all excited about exploring the realm here. The city is pretty far away, but i’ll be trying to go there on one of those days off, since it’s getting ready for a festival and i think it would be nice to make some pictures.

So the first impressions are quite interesting: i’m happy because of the view and the peace here, but i’m worried about the work. But there’s just one way to find out if it’s worth worrying, simple by doing it, so i’m gonna be a little bit restless until Friday, which is gonna be my first working day.

Days here are gonna end pretty soon, since we will have to wake up rather early, maybe at 5 oclock in the morning, so we will also be going to sleep not too late. I hope i can rest here mentally... There is one girl who also was in Hino, so we had lots to talk about! We were sharing our experiences with Kazuko and just telling each other about this and that. She is telling everyone not to go there by any means. Poor host-family on one hand, but on the other - it’s to be expected if you treat people like that.

Day 7.

Today was a big day. (After already 6 big days...)

I again had pretty bad dreams. Probably because of my sunburn (which is actually getting worse and worse every day) i dreamt that my friends are burning to death, which wasn't that pleasant to remember in the morning. And my alarm went on exactly at that moment, when someone wanted to tell me how to stop the burning process and save my friends. I also went to sleep pretty late, because i was writing my blog (this keeps me from sleeping :<), but i have to say that i rested pretty good. Natsuko left in the morning for her job, but her parents brought me to the station and we said our goodbyes. I am visiting them again in September and i'm already waiting for that! Her mom asked me really much, to not just meet with Natsuko in Yokohama, but also visit her at home, which i'm gonna do without any doubts. (And not just because i left some things behind...)

That family is really amazing, they're sucha warm people! I really felt like at home and still cannot believe i had to leave. Natsuko's mother told me that maybe they are gonna visit Germany next year, which would be really exciting. I already mention that in my other post, that i come to find similarities between japanese and true lithuanian people, which surprises me. But then again, usually a true lithuanian is a really kind person, helps all the time when you're in trouble, shares his last piece of bread - that's what i've seen when i was growing up and i'm happy that i didn't grow up in Vilnius (our capital city), where everyone's sucha snob, or Kaunas (another big city), where everyone barely has values and drinks, smokes and fights (of course, not every single person, but you get my point). Nowadays, those kinda species are becoming extinct, but i'm happy that i can still find people like that.

I left Yokohama in the morning and moved to Hino, where i started my first wwoof'ing day. It is pretty interesting here. The place is really nice and spacious, they have nice garden and the house is filled with small thingies, which is sooo like me! There are many other wwoofers: 2 girls from Austria, 1 guy from U.S., 1 british guy and, surprise, surprise - 1 guy from Leipzig (!!), a city where i live in Germany. And he's even living in the same district like me! That's just unbelievable. So maybe we will be able to meet each other back in Leipzig when we go back. Anyhow, right now i'm trying to speak as much as possible japanese and i spent the whole evening playing with small children and talking every once in a while with the host family in japanese. German speakers tend to form one group and speak german all the time... even at the table, where also some english speakers are present, they tend to speak in their native tongue. I cannot say it's just bad, nor can i judge it, because i'm sure it's amazing to be able to speak in your own native tongue, but i'm here for practicing japanese, so i'm not gonna stick to them all the time.

I didn't work too much today, because i arrived just before the lunch break, so i had just one half of the working day. It seems it's gonna be pretty hard work, but when it comes to working hours it's really convenient for us, workers: we start at 10 oclock in the

morning, have our tea break at 12 oclock, our lunch break at 15 oclock and finish at 18 oclock in the evening. All breaks are

around 1 hour long, so it's not too bad... Today we prepared bread and did some weeding, which actually a little bit shocked me. Trimming here consists of basically cutting down all those beautiful trees and plants and it was sad to watch how much we cut. Then, we had to weed the flowers, but it was sucha mess there, that we could barely make the distinction between flowers and weeds, so, to be honest, we didn't overdo and took it rather easy. I liked baking bread more, although that chore has also some distinguishing marks. We do that outside, so you really don't wanna know about the hygiene there. Of course, we wash the dishes and utensils, but it is fucking outside! So with every gust of wind dust and everything else just comes floating in the air. Japan is really highly developed country in so many ways, but you still can see many things that are so primitive and so shocking! If you had a bakery like that in Germany or Lithuania, you would be closed in twenty seven seconds and get a fine on top of that. Also utensils and tools they use, those kinda things you might see just in the museum in Europe. I will make some pictures during my stay here, so you can take a closer look and understand what i mean. Japan is just a country of huge differences. I never quite realized, that in Japan a toilet needs electricity!!! And instruction how to use it... I mean, i've always seen it but it kinda didn't get to a realization point, because it's just sooo wicked! But yeah, that's Japan, huh?

The house of the hosts itself is also, well, interesting. I'm also gonna make lots of pictures so you can at least see it by yourself. They have lots of books, which i actually like, so i'm gonna ask them if i can read some of them. The household is not big: a married couple, the oldest son (still not married) and yesterday we also had daughter in law with two children of hers. There is also a dog! He is by the way really cute, but pretty fat even though he's just 2 years old. When i arrived i immediately got two surprises: first of all, out of the blue i heard german language and at the same second i felt wet dog's nose sniffing around my face.

Somehow i feel that this summer is gonna be the best in my 20 years of life! Which makes the whole year one of the best years, despite all that shit i had this year... I already have many good memories from the whole year, but this summer is gonna be the top! I guess i'm gonna meet many more people which makes me happy. My bread for my soul is communication and when i lack that, i start withering, but lately i've been shining brighter and brighter every day. The fact makes me happy again, and then i start shining even more so it's like chain reaction. People tend to forget about communication and managing healthy relationship because of all this hectic around us. It's a pity, that relationship suffers and not something else. But that's the way it is - being a human starts being a luxury.

Today i had a brief chat with my special one... We still have some issues in our relationship. For me the biggest issue is that our relationship doesn't feel like a relationship anymore and that hurts. It doesn't weigh on me as badly as it could get, because i'm enjoying Japan, being pretty busy, exposing myself to different things and, to be honest, trying to block all kinda negative vibes coming from all those issues, arguments, misunderstandings. But it is still somewhere there in my head and sometimes it gets out and makes my lips get tighter, so i cannot smile, it makes my heart beat slower and my mood go down. It is difficult, because we're confronted now with many different problems, which makes everything even more complicated. Sometimes my faith starts fading away, sometimes it's felt really strong, but mostly it feels just strange.

For me, i'm still in relationship and i behave myself as occupied. But if a right person would enter my life, what would i do..? That's the question that's bothering me lately.