*Winterstart*

Frost touched roofs, street signs, her lips and fingertips. City was filling with steaming people every time they talk, yawn or simply breathe. Kids started painting on trams' windows - it's just a matter of time, when they start sticking their tongues to the metal poles to prove wrong or right the theory about metal and flesh cooperation in cold. People doubled in size - coat, scarf, hat; i'm not talking about that part of society though, which cares about actually exposing their bodies as much as possible - you will always find more of this treat in certain parts of the city. 

Dogs were dressed in colourful, warm and sometimes (mostly?) embarrassing clothes. Kids too. Neither of them really cared. 

Snow fell really slowly on the sleeping city when just few were awake and sneakily hid during the day. Layers of it like sugar icing on a cupcake were to be seen outside and she shuddered a bit while having her cup of tea at the balcony doors. She would normally go out and sit outside, but not now, not in the winter. 

She didn't like cold, although enjoyed the snow sometimes. Watching it. Especially in the mornings, when she would still be inside or in the evenings, when it glitters in million colours, reflecting street lamps, cars and the rest of what this flashing world has to offer. 

Mornings changed after the first snow fell. It became colder in temperature outside and inside, it became slower, for no one wants to get out of their cozy beds, it became really silent. Sometimes it would struck her, that yet another year passed by. Snow was her messenger.  Sometimes she would turn silent for the whole season and hold back a lot, stay in front of the books. She would often buy candles, for she thought it goes well with the winter. 

Today she's trying to figure out what kind of music suits winter most. 

"It's almost december",- she thought to herself. Everything around her knew what that means - another year almost passed by... 

Ellie Goulding - Roscoe - ( Acoustic ) - AMAZING - HQ

Day 32 and Day 33.

Slowly there’s routine entering every day. It’s not a real routine, since we have so many different people here, so it’s never boring, but still... We’re back on 6 am start, which is way better than 8 am for me personally, so i’m kinda happy. It’s getting really hot again, so even the last hours in the first period of work are pretty tough, so i wouldn’t even imagine what it would be like to work from 8 am until 12 pm.

With the routine coming and by abandoning the internet more and more i feel days starting to melt, fuse into each other and just pass by as a big mass. It’s hard to separate things from each other, because everything just happens here and for me it’s one big experience. And just now i’ve noticed that it’s already over a month when i’m in Japan. And i already managed to calm down and feel at ease, which brings me back to panic if i think about October when i’m going back. I’m not just freaking out about my exhibition, but also about my future life. I’m gonna have to make some important decisions and i’m always so bad with that, i always tend to fuck up and choose the wrong way. But i’ll never know which way is the best, if i don’t try.

Today someone made me really really happy. And that someone is a friend of our family - Yoshi. Last time he was at our place, i told him to bring his guitar next time he’s coming to us, but what he did took me by surprise. He came, brought the guitar and said he cannot stay, cause he’s going back to work. So basically, he came here to bring me a guitar, so i could play. Isn’t that nice of him? He’s one of those people, who i would like to keep in my future life and it’s sad that it’s not possible after i leave Sasayama. But i have to face the reality. I met more people while wwoofing, who could be good friends, i think, but after our wwoofing or our summer ends, we’re all going back to our own places and most possibly never talking or meeting again.

Today i started peeling really badly - my legs are completely covered with liquid blisters, which scares the shit out of me, but i try not to touch them. But i cannot resist peeling my own skin off - it’s so much fun. I remember doing that to my father, when i used to be small, i always loved it. Even though i look like a zombie with my skin peeling off and i’m afraid of what’s gonna happen to my skin after i’m done peeling, i feel relieved that the actual sunburn is already over, because even though it itches, it doesn’t hurt anymore and i’m happy to be back to life without that immense pain.

I already started thinking about leaving, since it’s just couple of days ahead and that makes me kinda sad. If i didn’t have my next host, i would probably stay here for another while, maybe for the whole september until i go back to Tokyo. But i don’t wanna cancel my next host, because it’s something i don’t like doing - if i said i’m coming, that means i am coming. Besides, i’m really looking forward to that host! And i really do wanna work on the beach. When i find a nice place, I immediately wanna stay, because i’m still looking for home for myself. And it’s really strong in me... And when i feel cozy and peaceful i automatically want that to never end, but maybe it’s better for me in this stage of life to explore as much as possible, so i have to let it go, even though it’s nearly perfect...

Day 25.

Today we had a day off because of the festival in Sasayama. Before the festival we went to the Host’s house and had a barbecue, home made pizzas, some of us had beer or two (or three and

more). The food was really delicious and the atmosphere was really good. There was some people who i didn’t know before, some of host’s friends, but all of them were really friendly. We didn’t spend too much time there, but it was one nice afternoon. It was filled with lots of different people and music - i learned a little bit how to play jambe, i tried some wicked home made guitar, touched cello for the first time and had the opportunity to sit down at the piano. After maybe 3-4 years i played piano again. It was painful to realize, how much i’ve forgotten. Fingers kept on slipping from the keys as i played, so i had to concentrate not just on the notes, but also on the keyboard. And i couldn’t play anything proper, but it made so much fun i had to ask myself: “Why did i stop playing at all?”. Well, back in Germany i don’t have a piano, so it would be difficult for me to practice, but maybe i should try buying an electronic one? Would be better than nothing. Some of the japanese girls played really well, so i was just lying down and enjoying it. And i really do wanna get better again...

So today’s festival was quite a challenge for me, because the leg was still aching with every step and i felt this big chunk of muscle cramped into one piece. But having the opportunity to wear

yukata (a summer kimono-like clothing) even made the pain dissolve a little bit! It was my first time and i completely loved it. I wonder how a real kimono feels like, maybe i will get the chance to wear it one day. I’ve been trying so many things here and that makes me really happy. I’m gonna come back to Europe with a huge luggage of experience. Since that was one of my goals i’m happy i was able to achieve it. But experiencing this, makes me wanna travel more and more, go here and there, visit this and that and it’s not getting out of my head. My dreams are getting bigger, but the time is running out every day.

The festival was different from the ones, i’m used to. It wasn’t a street festival, it took place in a

park, so it had a separate area with all those food kiosks and souvenirs and fish catching places, and there was another area where the dancing and the fireworks, and eventually the taiko performances were to observe. I was waiting for the latter one most, because i enjoy drumming so much. The performance seemed promising of the quantity of drums, but it was weaker than the one in Hachioji. Anyway, it was a nice performance and i was enjoying it; afterwards i talked to some drummers and we decided we could maybe have some taiko lessons for the wwoofers. I really hope we manage to arrange this while i’m still here!

From tomorrow we’re changing working times a little bit, so we’ll have to adjust to the new working schedule. We’re gonna start working from 8 am and go until 5 pm, which means shorter break, but then again, the working day seems to be not as extended as it used to be, when we had 6 am until 6 pm. We’re still don’t know if it’s gonna be permanent starting tomorrow, but today was a long day for all of us because of the festival, so it is wise indeed to change it at least for tomorrow...

More pictures from the festival:

Day 17.

OMG! One of the best days so far!

Probably i could write and write and write about this day, but it's still too present for me to put it into words. I'm just full of good energy and charged for the rest of the trip. I got to know the side of Japanese society, that i like. And i hope i keep on getting deeper and deeper in this kinda warm and friendly layer...

My working day was short today, maybe because i was working with the host-dad, or maybe because it was my last day of work before leaving for good, so they didn't torture me too much. I even got 1,5 hours for my lunch break! So i took that time for making some pictures of Clare, which i will be posting a little bit later, because i just cannot handle the amount of pictures anymore. I was happy to finally go to the construction suite, where normally just boys go! But i guess, lack of male wwoofers made it necessary for me to join them there... I have to say - it was lots of fun! We worked with glass fiber - had to stuff the walls. It was interesting to work something, where you have to use your muscles (we had some carrying to do). On our way back home i saw a ceremony before starting to build a house. Never seen that before! We were finished more than 1 hour earlier than my normal working day stops, but my host-momma didn't give me any tasks, she just gave us some money for the festival and wished us lots of fun. That was really nice of her!

For me the festival started even before i got to the actual place. Taiwanese wwoofer decided to spoil me with english, so i felt so relieved i don't have to think about how to say what - that helped me a lot.

On our way to the spot, we passed a street musician, a guitarist, and i just had this urge to at least touch the guitar, because i missed it so much!!! So i risked it all and just went to him and asked for the guitar. In Europe i wouldn't have any second thoughts about this, because it's ok to just approach people like that, but right now i'm in Japan and it's all different. I was happy

though and succeeded, but unfortunately the guitar was tuned totally different and i just played around for a minute or two and after saying thanks set out for the festival. It was a little bit similar to the Azabu-Juuban Matsuri from last year in Tokyo, because they type of festival is the same, but it was also very different in a way, because it had way more cultural things, like performances and musicians. As always, i bought okonomiyaki since that is such a festival food for me, but i have to admit that my friend makes better okonomiyaki at home in the frying pan. However, it's not all about the taste, it's also about the process itself, of going out, buying yourself something from of the kiosks and eating somewhere on the side of the road. We were lucky to find a splendid place for eating! It was a staircase of some apartments' house just at the road, so we were watching performances as we ate. Pretty convenient, huh?

I went to the festival with the Taiwanese wwoofer and it was interesting to talk to him about our points of view to the world, our perspectives, how we understand cultures and certain points, how we see the aspects where cultures clash and it was new for me to explore a Taiwanese mind... It was at times complicated, because European opinions differ rather drastically from Asian, but i always tried to understand him as much as possible.

I again understood how difficult for me would be to settle down and how impossible it is to define me, since i feel nationless and i'm just being me. I'm travelling from very small age and i was exposed to different cultures, so i don't feel that i should be described as lithuanian or german or any other nation, because i'm a big mixture. I'm open to any income and i form my own ideas from everything i see, hear, feel, smell, realize... Festivals like that, conversations help me learn and grow, even though for some people it's just a random festival, but i can grab one small detail and make it my shining star for the whole evening!

Just before we went back home we stumbled upon a Taiko performance (a certain japanese drumming) which completely took me. Of course i took my time and made some pictures, but then i just sat down and enjoyed the music with all my body. It is actually amazing how the rhythm can get to you and move every cell inside of you. I already wanna try Kendo out, when i come back to Germany, but right now Taiko is also on the list - i would like to try doing that, even though there might be no possibility in Europe. Besides, i've never played drums in my life! But we'll see. I notice, that this year i explore way more new things than before and i'm so open to them, that some of them can completely take me and hypnotize. I think, i am repeating myself, but i'm sure it's gonna be the best summer so far this year. It is really interesting here and i'm gonna go back as a brighter person, but i'm worried a little bit, how will i be able to stay at one place for almost a year before next summer.

When i thought my festival is over, i got another surprise. We decided not to go home immediately, but instead of that, grab a cup of some drink and just sit down and talk. Talking and communicating in general is one of the biggest part of my life, so this just made the evening better. And on top of all those things, on our real way back (we were already at the station basically), i saw the same guitarist from before. He was still playing, so he recognized me and greeted. At that point there were some more people around, couple of them with their own instruments. One of them was playing exactly at the moment and i couldn't keep my hands still, when i heard his guitar's sound - his guitar was tuned the same like mine! This time we stayed for longer, because i could play and sing as well, that guy could speak really well english, so we just chilled for a while. Unfortunately, we had to back home. I was shining brightly yesterday! And when i came back home, i couldn't stop talking about my experiences, everything was just bursting out! This day was a great experience for me and even if it's not getting better for the rest of the trip, it's already amazing! I won't forget this day for long - i'm sure. I'm already looking forward to the end of August, when i'm gonna have my week off in Osaka and Kyoto. By the way, anyone's welcome to join me there!

Hachiouji Matsuri:

Moumoon - Get Real