Being a photographer (again)

This monday i started working as a photographer, which lets me gain even more and more confidence in the path of life i've chosen for myself. Trying to become a photographer...

I guess, i should mention the details about this job, which kinda spoils the whole thing. I'm working in the shopping mall as a X-mas photographer, so i'm taking pictures of kids on santa's lap. Not really the best job you can find, but i guess i have to start somewhere, huh..? It's interesting actually and i can practice photography (and have to!) every day, even though it's not really what i would wanna do in the future - taking pictures of kids on someone's lap. Anyway, i'm not the complaining type, so i'm just happy to have this kinda opportunity. Of course, i do have a boss, but there, where i'm working, i'm the boss so to say, which is also nice i suppose. Besides, i fortunately manage to make good shots and people's comments are a big help for me to believe in myself. Comments like it's hard to pick a picture, because there's so many great ones or something like: "One is better than the previous one... and the next one's gonna be better than this one...". That actually IS nice to hear.

I'm happy i can have this experience though, because right now i can truly say, i would wanna work as a photographer on daily basis, and now i know what it would be like. It's not going too well at the moment though, because the part of the city that shopping mall is, isn't the best one, and also we're at the end of the month, which makes it even trickier, when you have to decide where you wanna spend your money. I am looking forward to December, we'll see how many customers will come. 

Day 55.

Almost vacation today... We didn't work at lunch time and if not that reservation from a famous person, that came just while we were sightseeing a little bit, i don't know if we would have worked at all. But one reservation didn't hurt anyone! And we started just from 5 pm today, so i guess it's fair.

I was glad i could have a little bit more time than regular this morning... I did may things, started planning university, filled my agenda with when-to-do-what lists, started choosing additional subjects for studying - i'm thinking i'm going for russian and/or indonesian. I wanted to do DaF (German as foreign language), because i really love it, and i like the teachers, but every single class of that subject crosses with my main classes, so i cannot choose it. Pity, i was really upset by that. But it's never perfect in life, huh? Anyways, there's a lot of new subjects available which woke my interests to come back to that university a little bit more! But what i didn't like was that japanese is also available, which means that there might be newbies in the language course with us, which brings our already low level and further down...

For lunch we went to a park to have a picnic! I looove picnics! We didn't prepare anything by ourselves, because i think it was kinda spontaneous thing, so we had to buy everything, but that doesn't matter, because picnics - any picnics - rule! So we went to this nice quiet park surrounded by tea bushes... Was really beautiful and interesting. And that park had a small organic (i suppose) vegetables shop, where everything's pretty cheap, so we bought vegetables and fruits. Prices were really good except for honey - it was as expensive as hell (just like about everywhere), which makes me crave more and more for a true lithuanian honey. To be completely exact - for honey from my parents bee hives.

After our small picnic we went to a shrine and fed fishes and turtles. The smallest boy kept on eating the fish food, because it was actually kinda delicious and sweet - i tried it. There's gonna be a big festival in that shrine, but i'm not gonna be in Omaezaki anymore...

Before this small trip i managed to order pictures for my exhibition and with having done that i'm completely ready for the exhibition to come, just need to calm down my nerves and be positive about it! I already started doing my portfolio, since i'll have to show something when i'm going to UK. So it was a productive day for me - glad about it!

Day 54.

We had an early finish today! Woohoo!! We had a reservation for lunch, but none for the evening, so my hosts decided to call it a day when it was just 5 pm.

It was good for me, even though i didn't do anything remarkable in my free time. I did however grab a bike and went for a short ride in the neighborhood. I'm also done with the final pick for the exhibition, so now it's just ordering left. It's less than a month until my grand opening and i'm really happy i've decided to do it! I've never studied photography, i just learned it by doing it and experiencing new things, so i often feel insecure about my pictures, because i lack theory in order to defend them if someone says it's crap. But i guess everyone will just smile at me, even if it's terrible.

I notice that the work starts annoying me sometimes. Especially in the mornings. Today we left at 10 am, which is about 2 hours earlier than normal, so i was already a little bit afraid of what's coming today. But it turned out not so bad at all... I started sleeping worse, way worse and it's definitely a result of this kinda work, but it's just 10 more days before i leave, so i can take it. The sleep is not as important at the moment as for example my weight... Today i couldn't believe how badly i fucked up!! I don't remember the last time it was as bad as now, so it really got on my mood for the whole day. I'm angry with myself. Big time. And i've already told my host-momma that i'm gonna cut on the portions a little bit, because i don't feel good now and she understood me - she's a woman after all. (And a gorgeous one by the way...) It's a pity it's so terribly hot in Japan, because i would like to do some jogging and sports outside - i brought my exercise outfit, but for me it's just suffering to be outside, not even talking about working out. But i'll find a way. I know i will lose that weight and get back to normal look, but it's gonna cost lots of time, nerves, patience and self-confidence, which i barely have. Anyway, it's not just about the fact it's not gonna be easy, but also bout the fact, that i fucked up so much! I mean, i gained 5 kg which is A LOT and i gained them in like 2 months, but to lose them takes way longer, it's not just about the weight as well, it's also bout the body shape, because it's not gonna be nice after i lose them... Well, to sum this up in a sentence: i'm angry, disappointed, disgusted and upset.

Day 50.

I'm already looking forward to my day off! Really badly lacking time for myself here in this place... I also noticed that in the amount of pictures - i barely made any, besides of the first day off, when we went to the sea and Nagomi - the place i work, but the rest just stays behind. I have couple of hours in the morning, before the work starts, but i really don't wanna do anything, but just stay at home, lie on the bed and just do nothing.

And yet, i cannot believe it's been almost 2 months already in Japan! The trip last year was not the best one and now i start being disappointed. When i think how much i could have done, but have done nothing really much... But it cannot be changed, for it's already in the past, so there's no use for me to be upset about it anymore! I'll have my time in Tokyo this year for a couple of days, so i'll have to use it well.

Since i'm constantly busy with the exhibition, it starts living within me. Probably it should. At first it was just a random thing to do, but i started putting hopes in it, i really wish it could lead me somewhere, lead to something better. I'm trying to get a place in the capital city in Lithuania for my little exhibition and there's one potential spot, where i might get in - it would be really awesome! It's difficult for me to exhibit my works in Lithuania and hope for something, when i'm not even living there, but that's just a step into the future - i have to show myself every once in a while and it's about time i start doing that.

With business cards and postcards ordered, just the pictures are waiting to be processed. And i still haven't decided on the last choice. I have 54 potential pictures and have to go down to 20. My day off on weekend is gonna be tough!

Day 49.

Today i managed to shape my working day on my own and so i felt way better...

We again spent around 12 hours in Nagomi, but i took my laptop with me, so i could work in the pictures - and i did lots of work today. I took books, i slept, i didn't rush to work too much. I took my time, relaxed, so today the day passed by easier.

It's still hard to spend the whole day (almost) at one place, not being able to take time just for myself, but since we're staying in Nagomi all the time, i just gonna have to accept it as a fact and try to relax there and feel like at home.

Yesterday i forgot to mention, that a friend of my hosts arrived one day back and is staying with us and somehow it feels nice that someone else is here besides me. He's not a wwoofer, he's just staying with us, but he's also helping out which is really nice!

And with days going by, i come to remember what the host from Sasayama said: "it's not for the whole life that you're wwoofing, try new things, new places, try to adapt to what it is, because it's not gonna last long anyway."

Day 46.

Nagomi, the cafe i wwoof at:

Dandelion Photography.

So i finally launched my internet page!

Check it out:

Dandelion Photography

And enjoy!

First reply from WWOOF - positive!!!

Today i had a nice evening... After i came back from work (around 11 pm) i immediately got two nice messages.

First of all it was a call from my special one... After what happened yesterday i wasn't expecting him to give me any attention at all, but i was relieved by his warm voice and by what he said. I was thankful... And it calmed me down, warmed me up and gave me even more faith in us.

Right after that i went to check my email, because this morning i sent two messages to WWOOF hosts and thought that maybe i might get an answer already, but it was more of a hope than actually expecting it to be there in my email, but i actually got one message already. So, let me brag about it.

Here it goes:

ｶﾐﾚさん
お申し込みありがとうございます。
７月２８日から８月８日までなら受け入れが出来ます。
お返事まっていますね。
hXXXXXX
やまざき和子

The message says:

Kamile, (yup, that's my whole name :>)

Thank you for your message.

Reception is available from 27th of July until 8th of August.

We're waiting for your answer.

WWOOFer's code,

Yamazaki Kazuko (i guess it's Kazuko, but i'm not sure bout the reading...)

Wooooohooooo!!!!! I'm totally overjoyed. Even though i wanted to work there from 26th of July until 16th of August, this is still good since it's positive. That means i'm gonna stay at Natsuko's longer than planned, which is just awesome, coz i like Yokohama and i like Natsuko for sure... And also, it's good that they replied so fast, because now i know how to put my schedule in August. Well, i guess i'm gonna leave to Kansai on the 9th of August and stay there until September and then hopefully move to Shizuoka and on 22nd of August go back to Tokyo and stay there for a while at my friend's place.

Until today it still seemed a little bit chaotic, but now it's starting to move on. I'm really happy i get to go back to Japan this summer...

By the way, this morning i got a package! My photo sample came in. I've decided that the quality is pretty good and this price is ok, so i'm gonna go for Kodak Internet Photo Service for my exhibition in October. Everyone who's in Lithuania from October 8th, please do visit my exhibition.

And now, i'm gonna go to sleep... Today without headache, but with a terrible belly pain (pms.... U_U), still with way better mood than yesterday.

Goodnight!