Day 69. NO PICS YET.

Ainu Festival was awesome!!!

In that kinda festival i can find Japan i wanna see. It was a little little tiny bit disappointing, that today was a day of talks and seminars, which i cannot properly understand and all the music was on Saturday, so i payed just basically in order to be there, enjoy the clear air, listen to the mountain river next to that place, meet my friends and talk to some new people. There was one music performance and dancing, where i was involved as well and it made me SO MUCH fun!

I again got to meet people from Omaezaki and they are incredible people without any doubts! I also talked to some random people in the festival and if i didn't have any language barrier it would be just outstanding. I can feel way more free in Japan than for example in Germany, and i keep asking myself why.

It started raining in the evening and got really cold, so we didn't wait until it ended, but it still was a good experience. Leah, Tom and Jin joined me, so it was nice to go there as a group, even though it scattered a little bit afterwards. I'm sure i would be able to find lots of nice people in Japan... I am sure... 

Day 68. NO PICS YET.

Today i was angry with myself right in the morning. Weather forecast was rain and clouds as always and since past days were like that, i even didn't doubt it, so i just enjoyed my sleep and staid in bed until 12 oclock (i staid up late last night!!), but when i woke up and opened my eyes i saw that blue sky and sun!! And i was sooo angry with myself, then i went to facebook and saw friend's messages on my wall like "fuck, wake up!" and i was angry even more... But luckily she logged into facebook again and we decided to meet - it's a girl i met in Sasayama while wwoofing. She's lovely and she reminds me of one person... 

We went to Imperial Palace and took a walk, ate my home-made onigiri and just chatted... We met in Tokyo station and i could praise my intuition once again! Last year i stayed out of Tokyo station by all means, but this year i couldn't avoid it and now i understand why subconsciously i didn't wanna go there - it's a mess there. It's not as big as Shinjuku for example, but it's really spacious and there's not much of directions and maps, so basically you have arrows pointing this and that, but when you arrive the arrows disappear, so you're left with guessing. Did not like it!  

Imperial Palace is a big park after all... It's nice for walking around, i might come back again! I liked it.

After that we went to Mitaka and just walked around. It's a nice district. Mitaka and Kichijoji - there i can go quite often. It's a little bit further away from the center of Tokyo, so it's a big relieve to be out there... 

In the evening i met Cody and Reiko - two people also from Sasayama wwoofing. They are extremely lovely people and one of those who make my going back to Europe harder. Leaving all those people here is heartbreaking. Even though i DID miss my friends back at home, i really did...

Tomorrow i'm going to Ainu Matsuri and gonna be surrounded by nature - totally looking forward to it. 

Today was sunny, but actually cold and i'm worried i caught a cold, but i'm a tough girl - i won't let any illness bring me down on my journey in Japan. 

Day 65.

I couldn't avoid problems on the road - like most of the times. I'm so unlucky with transportation sometimes and i'm not just talking about being late or trains/buses/planes coming late, but i already have quite a list here. Train strikes - almost missed the flight, accidents on rails because of which trains didn't arrive, being stuck in Brussels because of, first, german train strikes, then because of french train delay - stopping in the middle of the way because of unexpected problems, missing trains, buses breaking down in the road, buses lost on the road, plane waiting for the new pulling-car, because the one broke down and stuff like that.... Today there was an accident on the highway, which made the Tomei Highway bus stop in Shizuoka. So i had to go to the train station first, get a train and after 5 or 6 times transferring to another train i finally made it to Tokyo! I was a little bit tired afterwards but i didn't let it get to me and after saying hi to the friend i'm staying at, i went to NiModo gallery in Shibuya to meet with old friends from last year.... And that just made my day!!! Last year we couldn't communicate too much, because of language gaps, but this year, when i finally talked japanese to them, it was so much easier! I was really glad and i came back home after couple of hours with a huge smile on my face. I met three people from last year and i hope i meet them again until i leave! Well, one of them i'm gonna definitely meet on Sunday - the Ainu Matsuri in Tokyo. Anyone who has some free time on Sunday (or Saturday - it's the whole weekend, but i'm going just on Sunday) please, feel free to join me! 

This year, i will try to enjoy Tokyo. Last year i didn't like it too much... And today i also was worried the plan to enjoy it is gonna fail too fast, because oh, how can i fall in love with the city who doesn't have much in common with me? A city filled with buildings, transportation, trash and plastic bags, a cold concrete jungle, a city where so much is wrong... But i will try to find good places, i will do my best! 

Going into leaving mode..

Already saying my good byes to people i won't be able to see tomorrow. Getting pretty upset.

I wish i could stay in Japan as long as i want, but my life in Europe awaits.

Day 57.

I cannot believe it's actually happening here in this place, but i'm a little bit losing track of time again and if not this blog i would definitely lose it pretty quick. I don't really know which date it is or what week day, and i'm happy to have computer, cell phone and watch where i can always look for help. But as often as i look at the watch for the date, i forget it all over again.

Days here started to melt finally... I already know what to do when, i already got closer to the hosts, so i can feel a little bit more at ease some times (not always though...). As people they are really amazing so i'm happy i could meet them!

Today, i talked to this customer, a friend of my hosts (like most of the customers). And got praised a little bit by my host afterwards, cause normally i don't talk too much to the customers. It's not just about me, being nervous about my japanese, but also about me, being perfectionist and being unhappy when i mess up, but mostly about the thing, that i don't know how to approach them, or/and what to talk about. I mean, they're like totally not in my world (except for being japanese...), they're totally strangers to me and it's not like you always just go to the customers and start chatting like you've been best friends for ever! So well, maybe you do, but i don't. Maybe it's my problem, maybe i should talk to the customers more, but well i do it slowly and that was the first step, i guess.

Day 32 and Day 33.

Slowly there’s routine entering every day. It’s not a real routine, since we have so many different people here, so it’s never boring, but still... We’re back on 6 am start, which is way better than 8 am for me personally, so i’m kinda happy. It’s getting really hot again, so even the last hours in the first period of work are pretty tough, so i wouldn’t even imagine what it would be like to work from 8 am until 12 pm.

With the routine coming and by abandoning the internet more and more i feel days starting to melt, fuse into each other and just pass by as a big mass. It’s hard to separate things from each other, because everything just happens here and for me it’s one big experience. And just now i’ve noticed that it’s already over a month when i’m in Japan. And i already managed to calm down and feel at ease, which brings me back to panic if i think about October when i’m going back. I’m not just freaking out about my exhibition, but also about my future life. I’m gonna have to make some important decisions and i’m always so bad with that, i always tend to fuck up and choose the wrong way. But i’ll never know which way is the best, if i don’t try.

Today someone made me really really happy. And that someone is a friend of our family - Yoshi. Last time he was at our place, i told him to bring his guitar next time he’s coming to us, but what he did took me by surprise. He came, brought the guitar and said he cannot stay, cause he’s going back to work. So basically, he came here to bring me a guitar, so i could play. Isn’t that nice of him? He’s one of those people, who i would like to keep in my future life and it’s sad that it’s not possible after i leave Sasayama. But i have to face the reality. I met more people while wwoofing, who could be good friends, i think, but after our wwoofing or our summer ends, we’re all going back to our own places and most possibly never talking or meeting again.

Today i started peeling really badly - my legs are completely covered with liquid blisters, which scares the shit out of me, but i try not to touch them. But i cannot resist peeling my own skin off - it’s so much fun. I remember doing that to my father, when i used to be small, i always loved it. Even though i look like a zombie with my skin peeling off and i’m afraid of what’s gonna happen to my skin after i’m done peeling, i feel relieved that the actual sunburn is already over, because even though it itches, it doesn’t hurt anymore and i’m happy to be back to life without that immense pain.

I already started thinking about leaving, since it’s just couple of days ahead and that makes me kinda sad. If i didn’t have my next host, i would probably stay here for another while, maybe for the whole september until i go back to Tokyo. But i don’t wanna cancel my next host, because it’s something i don’t like doing - if i said i’m coming, that means i am coming. Besides, i’m really looking forward to that host! And i really do wanna work on the beach. When i find a nice place, I immediately wanna stay, because i’m still looking for home for myself. And it’s really strong in me... And when i feel cozy and peaceful i automatically want that to never end, but maybe it’s better for me in this stage of life to explore as much as possible, so i have to let it go, even though it’s nearly perfect...

Day 18.

It is nice to have smth in common with a person from sucha different culture, don't you think? Today i met the guy from yesterday. We played guitars, chatted, went to eat - i was really enjoying the evening. Something impossible happened as well - i went to karaoke for the first time in my life. It's totally his fault! But i have to admit, that it was kinda fun... So, i am so sorry, that i always said 'no' and spoiled fun, from now on i will also go to karaoke with my friends.

Anyway, we were heading to the station already, when it hit me, that we have quite a few things in common and that again made me feel, that every each of us is just part of this world, we are all human beings, we are coming from the same roots. But because of education, friends, society system we greatly differ. That doesn't mean though, that we wouldn't be able to find a soul-mate or a dear friend in a totally foreign culture. I wouldn't call japanese culture totally foreign for me, because i'm interested in it and have been into it for a while now, but still, if we looked to the beginning of my life - i grew up differently than japanese kids, i had different education, different family, i lost the need to fit in, which is still really significant in Japan, and yet, i'm sitting in front of Hachioji's station and playing guitar, singing with a person, who could become a good friend of mine! And we talk, and i wanna talk more and more and more... This makes me wanna travel all around the world more and more every day! Find the clashing points in cultures and find the similarities, learn from different people, gain experience - become a rich personality...

Rain was pouring on my way back home, but i still had my smile on. I was a little bit upset down in my heart, because i knew i'm leaving really soon and i won't be able to meet the guy for long long time (maybe even couple of years!), and who knows if we would still have the wanting to meet after those years, but i still feel that he left a trace in my life. One doesn't have to be genius to impress people or leave a trace, even a small one, in their memories. One just has to have something real and genuine inside and open up at the right moment about the right things. He told me about a girl, who left a big impression on him, and the fact that he is able to value it means a lot for me. Because nowadays, emotions are left behind most of the time...

When we were playing, i was just enjoying the music and then i saw a group of foreigners taking pictures of each other, looking around and then another impossible thing happened - i saw on their T-shirts "Lietuva", which means Lithuania in lithuanian language. I was sooo wicked! I went to them and we just chatted about small things. They came here to the festival and the reason to go to Japan was a karate championship (by the way, japanese won... as always...), it was really nice to meet someone from my own country in Japan! Of course, when i'm in lithuanian gatherings or visiting the embassy, i meet lithuanians, but to meet someone (and they were maybe 6-7 people at once!!!) just by accident is nearly impossible. But things do happen, right..?

This evening is for the last one here in Hino, i got an unbelievable present from our hosts' son - a rilakkuma and a bag with it!!! That's also soo amazing, since i'm just crazy about rilakkuma. I wanted to do many things, but i didn't have any time for them, since i was pretty busy here and those 10 days passed by so fast. I promised my host-momma, that i'm gonna give pictures from Clare (the place where i work) to her, but i even had to break this promise, because i just didn't have enough time to retouch any of the pics. But this is not that big problem, since we all have internet nowadays.

Today i have lots to tell in fact, but because of the whole leaving mood and because of still too vivid experiences, it's difficult for me to put everything in a neat order. I'm not sure when i'll be able to write the next post, because i don't have any idea, if they will have internet in Sasayama, but i sure hope they will!

Day 12.

An absolutely quiet day with lots of cicadas outside. They're getting louder and louder every day... My second day off has ended and i'm already getting ready for tomorrow. There was no sun today again, so i couldn't turn into a normal person - i couldn't get some sun on my back side and still am half white/half brown. Today i mostly spent my time in my room, reading a recipe book that i found (and stealing recipes), watching some anime and television. Because of time difference, most of my friends are sleeping when i'm awake and i'm going to sleep, when they come to facebook or skype, so it's also a bit weird not being able to buzz someone just during the day (my day). Also, i miss one particular person and i even don't know if i get to see Him even when i'm back in Europe. Our relationship with my bf is totally unstable at the moment and it feels like he's backing off. Probably because of all those practical problems he has. It does feel unfair, since i'm ready to face His problems, but it seems He's drifting apart slowly, which hurts and leaves me in confusion. I don't know what's happening, i don't know if we're heading somewhere, i don't know if we are still we.

In the evening we went to eat to a nice restaurant and talked for quite a while. I heard some complaints from Kazuko again about the boys. How James borrowed some money and didn't pay back or how Robert took/stole the slippers... But i just listen to her, sometimes comment and that's it. I already got a task for tomorrow, which is cleaning wwoofers' house. That's so unfair! They made a big mess and left it and since i'm the only one here now, i'm gonna clean it. But probably that's way better than weeding in the sun (or rain). I get to work quietly and on my own pace, also i get to decide where to put what and i do like cleaning, so it's not a bad task after all. Besides, i promised Kathi to make some pictures of wwoof house, so i'll have the chance!

It's strange now when everyone's left. Adam was supposed to stay, but he decided to leave today as well. It's more about not wanting to be here with Kazuko (our host), than because of his swollen thumb, which wasn't that much swollen, i think, but the official reason is that he cannot work any longer because of his accident last week. Fair enough... It's his call anyway. Of course i miss all of them already, but maybe it's good that Adam left. Why? Personal reasons. It's better for me now to be alone, because it might have gotten tricky with just two of us here.

In the afternoon some warm sun rays kept on falling down, so i took my camera and made some pictures in Clare's garden, take a look:

Day 6.

Today is the day when my true self came out - i'm the most stupid person in this world. Really, i'm not kidding. Even though it is really funny... The story is rather simple. So there i was, going to Zushi beach today, which is by the way really nice and not far from Yokohama. I wanted to get tanned a little bit, because during this trip i got tanned unequally because of different t-shirts, so i'm lying in the sun for an hour or so on my back, then i went to swim and came back with the plan to sunbathe some more, because my back still hasn't gotten any sun. And you know what?? I started packing and went home!!!! I FORGOT to turn around, so my back gets tanned. So right now, my front side is completely red and my back side is completely white. That's what i get for an equal tan, huh? I'm pretty much pissed at myself, because from tomorrow i'm working, so i don't know when (if at all) i get the chance to lie down in the sun. I really hope i can get my day off soon, so i can go to any park and just lie down and i won't care this time about being considerate towards japanese culture. Normally, they wouldn't lie down in parks just in bikini, but i don't have any other choice!!!

Despite my huge fail, i have to say, that i enjoyed Zushi beach except that huge wind. Because of the wind, i really had to leave earlier than i planned (maybe that's why i forgot to turn around) - it brought sand really everywhere: my hair even my ears were full of sand, not very nice. But the sea was really cozy if i may use this word, water was salty just as it has to be in the real sea, really warm and welcoming. It's a pity i was alone, so i couldn't just relax - i had to observe my things all the time. I really suggest this beach for everyone who's in Yokohama/Kamakura area. It was strange though, for a foreigner, to pass the Kamakura station and go to the beach, but since i've been to Kamakura already, i decided it's ok not to visit it this time. The whole Zushi city is a real seaside city - almost everyone's tanned, you can see people in beach outfit, with inflatable balls and so on. It has a nice shopping street, where you also can eat out - sucha big variety! So it is recommended by me, yes.

In the afternoon i just had dinner and fell asleep... This night i had really unpleasant dreams (killing people, seeing people killed and stuff), so i didn't rest too well. So that nap was just about what i needed. For dinner i had nattou. It's probably like a curse for most of the foreigners because of its smell, structure and taste. For me it's not as bad, but i have to admit - it's not my thing. I can eat it, but there's no pleasure. It's a shame though... Because i've tried it once back in Europe and i kinda like it, but that one was slightly different than this one i had in Japan today. And i wanna believe that this nattou is more original, than the one i had. For me the smell is ok and i like the structure, but the taste was a little bit to intense. But then again - maybe there are different sorts of nattou.

Today i also met Kenjiro in the evening... It's been a long time since i've seen him! Last summer was the last time... We went to eat unagi (eel), which i actually like very much. I have eaten that before already couple of times, but today again i got upset stomach. I always do, so probably i should make some conclusions. Well, when i'm eating it it's really delicious, but afterwards i get upset belly and this sweetness taste in my throat all the time, so i think i should stop eating it. Maybe it's just too rich for me... It's a shame though, because it's tasty.

Today was a strange day. And it's my last day before i start working... I got my last host in Kansai, Sasayama ind Hyogo prefecture and i'm really happy about that! I was worried, i might not get a place for August, but now it's all ok. Also, i'm gonna meet Natsuko's brother, because i'm staying at his place for night in Kyoto. I'm sure it's gonna be just splendid! I also bought the tickets today from Tokyo to Osaka and from Kyoto to Shizuoka, so right now it's really just the last thing's left - start going there and here. The first week was full of experience and good memories, i hope it's not gonna be ruined.

I would like to work next year in Japan a normal paid job, but for that i need good japanese, so maybe i'm setting my goals to that one. It's always easier to learn or do something when you have clear goals... Who know's how it's gonna go in the future. Today i a strange day as i mentioned before, i feel somehow gloomy, upset, confused... I cannot say i feel bad, i wouldn't even dare saying that i'm being treated wrong, because i feel like at home here! Even better, they're all taking a good care of me... So it's not the cause of my mood, but something's ruining it a little bit. I've noticed that i'm becoming pissed and annoyed really fast the whole day, i feel a little bit empty. Maybe it's just pms, coming on me again, but it kinda feels different than normally. Anyway, right now it's time to sleep and not sit at the computer, so i'm saying a warm good night to everyone...

Update!

My daily snack became rather weekly i guess, but i’ve been busy like big piece of crap. I had to work and get ready for my trip, pack, finish the assignment for the university, then my friends visited me and i was thrilled to see them, but at the same time a little bit sad, i cannot spend as much time as i would like to. I’ve been busy like a bee and right now i feel pretty much tired. However, i’m really happy about the trip to Japan.

Many things happen actually... But i didn’t put any more pressure on myself with TO DO things, so i just put my blog aside for a while, because right now i have lots of time for myself - i’m siting in the train going to Frankfurt and from there i’m heading to Japan, so these hours when i have to sit in the train and wait for the check-in at the airport, gonna be filled with writing and just relaxing from everything i had in the last week.

First of all, i had an experience i don’t wanna repeat any time soon. For the first time in my life i had to dial the emergency number. I couldn’t stand the heat and after yet another working day, i almost completely collapsed at home. My heart was racing like crazy, i wanted to puke all over any second, my headache was killing me and the dizziness was driving me crazy, but i was still hanging in until everything turned black for a sec, then, sitting in a deadly cold bath tub, i’ve decided to dial the number. They came pretty fast, gave me a drip and my body calmed down a little bit, but it didn’t stop there, next morning i was still like drunk and wasn’t feeling too well, so i went to the doctor. Result of all that was me, siting at home for three days when i actually was supposed to work. My doctor ran some blood tests as well... He thought i’m too pale, so he wanted to be sure, there’s nothing wrong. Unfortunately, there was. I’m almost back to anemia. According to the results, it’s not anemia yet, but numbers are extremely love, so i’m basically standing on that thin line between normal and too low - i guess, everyone can make the conclusion. So i’m back on iron pills now and i’m gonna eat raw fish in Japan like crazy! I really do hope, i’m getting better, but if not, i will have to act on this.

My illness brought even more news and changes in my life. My boss did something that’s not allowed and actually not legal, but well, she did it anyway, because she’s the boss and she has to power and, probably, knowledge how to surpass the rules. So, she fired me. That’s pretty unfair, huh? Being sacked because i was sick ill, when there was one guy, who didn’t show up for many times, even after assuring he’s coming, and nothing - he didn’t get fired. But i did. Well, that’s how my boss is doing their job. (Pretty crappy...) She would rather fire a good worker, who’s working for 1,5 years, and look for another person (actually we always lack personnel, so everyone’s important for us...), just because she was in a bad mood, than just get over it and accept the fact that people get ill sometimes. Besides, i didn’t complain or didn’t say anything at the work place, when i wasn’t feeling alright - it started actually while i was working. But the interesting thing is, that i didn’t get too upset. I just changed my facebook status, called my mom and my boyfriend and that was it. Yes, i’m upset and disappointed a little bit, but something’s telling me, it’s not a bad thing, so i just take it as it comes. I’m gonna find another job in no time... I’m sure.

Also, i have to admit that me, being ill, kinda wasn’t that bad at all. I had the time for my university assignment and actually in this phase of life, university IS more important for me, than any job (unless it would be some kinda dream job). So i finished our assignment for university. I’ve never worked so hard on an assignment for 3 people, because normally everyone’s doing their part, but this wasn’t the case this time, so i had to do shitloads of things. It was really stressful and very ugly, if i may put it in these kinda words. I got a little bit disappointed in someone, i got pissed at someone, once during the whole thing i got even carried away and hung up on a friend, which wasn’t nice and rude - just like he told me then. He was right. I know and he knows, and he knows that i know. Anyway, that’s already in the past, we made it on time and that’s not weighing my shoulders anymore. I think the person i disappointed in should also know, that it’s not about that one’s personality in general. It’s just about the fact, that this person sucks at working in team on a written assignment, that’s it... There is one thing everybody should be aware of. When you suck at something, ask and cooperate, put your pride aside, so someone could teach you. It’s just for your own profit, isn’t it?

Still struggling with the assignment, i was excited bout my friends coming to me and so, on a Friday evening, my visitors arrived. It was my ex-boyfriend, which is an awesome friend now, and his friend. She’s really young, but a really nice person, i’m glad i met her and i was more than happy to have them both around for couple of days. It was really fun to get to see my friend! It’s been around 2-3 years from when i last saw him. It felt a little bit unreal at first and it’s a shame, i didn’t have too much time for them... We wanted to do many things, but it didn’t quite work out the way we planned. So i hope, they can visit me again. I am really thankful as well, since they helped me out with many things and made my preparations easier. That’s why i’m saying thanx to them not just for coming, but also for giving me a hand.

I still cannot believe, that tomorrow i’m gonna be in Japan. It looks like a dream and it’s freaking me out in a positive way... Anyway, dream or not, there are some responsibilities i’m carrying with me all the way to Japan, for instance - i’m taking my work-out outfit, cause i managed to gain 2 kg just before i left. Isn’t that just mean??? So even in Japan, i’m gonna do sports, so i could get lighter again!

There wasn’t much sleeping the last week, so i’m gonna use those 12 hours flight for sleep, so i can regain some energy back. First week i’m staying in Yokohama and having total vacation, just relaxing, maybe visiting some places. Well, i am visiting Lithuanian embassy in Tokyo with Natsuko just to say hi to everyone. I worked there last summer, so i suppose it’s a nice thing to do. The first thing i just HAVE to do tho, is find Softbank as fast as possible and buy a charger for my phone, cause i just couldn’t find it at home. It shouldn’t be too expensive, right? I’m also gonna buy something to my camera and i hope, i can find nice sneakers (and the right size), but i should always take in consideration, that i got fired, so the first time after i come back from Japan is gonna be tough. Probably i should save up some money.

Things with my special one are going good now... I still don’t know where we’re heading, but i do know that i wanna head somewhere exactly with Him, so i’m not gonna let Him go for a while. Of course, if things don’t turn out nasty. We’ll see how it goes after I’m coming back from Japan. For now, i feel a little bit unstable, but every time He calls and i again can hear His joyful voice, it makes me warm from head to toes.

Yesterday, on my last evening, we had a small gathering with friends. We barbecued, chatted and just enjoyed the evening. I’m gonna miss them a lot... Especially those, who are not gonna be in Leipzig anymore, when i come back. But i’m happy i’m going to England for couple of days after Japan, i’m gonna meet at least Clive! It’s tough, when your friends turn out to be E-Rasmus (Europe exchange program between universities) students, since they’re staying just for one year or one semester. You always know, they will leave sooner or later and it’s difficult, when you get attached to them, and when it comes to me - i get attached to people pretty fast, especially to people who make me smile and feel comfy around them. But in this modern world we can reach any corner of the whole planet rather easy, if not physically, then at least via internet, so there’s no need to get all upset.

So, i hope u’re doing great, guys. I’m not gonna promise anything, but i will really try to update this blog as often as possible, so you know what’s happening in my small world.

By the way, that’s a really nice dialog i overheard in the train of a small girl and her dad:

Girl: I see the sheep!

Dad: I SAW the sheep! (correcting)

Girl: I see the sheep!

Dad: I SAW the sheep!

Girl: I saw it too!

Hahahah, hilarious! That little girl’s sucha clever pants.