Day 34.

I am totally failing when it comes to me blog. I was around 10 days behind and just made notes, so i had to spend an unbelievably lots of time at once to finish the posts and publish them. Stupid me. It is nice to write and let you know how i am, and yes, i am kinda addicted to internet, but i wouldn't say i missed it THAT much. There are things, that had to be taken care of, so internet is a must for me, besides, most of my friends live abroad, so i would be really lonely without internet sometimes. But being in Sasayama gives you lots to think about and lots to do, and so, internet isn't just the only thing you wanna have. I would be happy if i could have switched 1 hour of internet to a bottle of milk.

Nothing is perfect, but then again - it depends on how we perceive it. If we want to, we'll always be able to find minuses, because the nature itself isn't perfect, but we might wanna see the bright side all the time and enjoy our life at least a little bit, huh?

Today someone made a joke during the tea break which was understood wrong and we had some discussions, which all ended up in our host, coming down to our place and a 2 hours talking (of course) during OUR free time. That kinda gathering was kinda necessary, but to be honest, i wasn't happy spending 2 hours of my lunch break for that. I would rather sit down after dinner and talk about everything, than use lunch break for that, when everyone wants to cook, eat, sleep, relax, swim, but not talk about uneasy things.

Some people are really unhappy about couple of things here, some people understand some people wrong, some people go to personal, some might insult you - it happens here. It really does. But hell, we're 15 people with different ideas living under one roof! Although i have to admit, that some people handle it really wrong. I've seen here some heavy arguments (and been in couple of them already), i've seen unhappy faces, i've heard lots and lots of complaints and i've even seen tears - that is not the right way, i think. But it's also all about timing... If you click with the people around you or not - yes or no, 50/50, just your own luck.

After today's conversation i kinda wanted to pack my things and go. Why? Not because of the conversation itself, but because of the reason behind the conversation. Someone made a joke about it, so another "grown up" ran to the host immediately and told everything... I mean come on. But i couldn't and didn't leave. My host in Osaka disappeared, so when i was looking for another host, we had arrangements for a certain date and it was already too late to change it.

By the way, i still don't have a place to stay in Kyoto, but my hope's still here! Maybe i'm spoiled by good things too much, but i'm used to lithuanian way of handling those kinda things (wow... i rarely speak about my home country, huh?). You call one friend and ask him/her to call another, so that one could contact someone else and it's almost definite that you're gonna find someone who can accept you. In any city in Lithuania, but i haven't seen that too much in other countries. In Germany for example, i think this way would most possibly fail.

In the afternoon working period i had the urge to speak german. I guess i missed it, so when i approached the german wwoofer i just started speaking german and we ended up in speaking about stuff for the whole evening just when we're two of us and not too many people are around - it's not fair for those who don't understand german, which in our case is - the rest of us. Lots of people say, that german isn't popular anymore, you don't need it anymore at all, that the language itself is too difficult and not beautiful, too harsh, but i like it. Even though i have to take some credits and say that for a foreigner, i speak well german already, but for me - it's not even the halfway. My goal is really really far away, but maybe i'll reach it one day. I want to be really fluent in most of the topics and wanna forget about making mistakes, even once in a while. But i notice that just when i stop using the language it's harder with every day to start talking again, that's why it was nice to have someone around who i can talk german to.

Oh, today we finally had rain! And pretty heavy rain, so our plants should be happy about that. They’re gonna be pretty much spoiled, since the rain started exactly after we finished watering them, but the more water, the better. We do want those seedlings to grow into big strong plants and give us lots of fresh tasty vegetables! I feel a strong connection with our fields, vegetables, and it’s growing every day. Even though sometimes i feel like not doing something that has to be done also on our days off, but i know that it’s better to do it and not just for the plants, but also for myself - i know i always feel happy after watering them, taking care of them.

Work in a farm is a really difficult one, no doubt about it, but it also brings you joy. Also, even though it’s sometimes physically tough job, mentally you feel refreshed after you finished with your chores. That is indeed a good experience for me, since i would like to have a farm one day by myself, but i also understand that i cannot think about it lightly and have to be really, and i mean, really prepared before i make that step. For me it is difficult to have so many dreams and goals and wishes, but i realized one thing - that i don't have to do everything at once. I'll have to set priorities in my life and just take life as it comes, but never forget my goals and put them into my life one by one. I want my goals to get ripe before i do it. One funny fact, which i keep on remembering lately - at the moment i am living in a dream literally, because what i've been doing lately was and still is one of my dreams. Of course, practical life ruins it rather often, but if i put that fact aside, it's nice to admit that i am living my own dream... I just have to appreciate it more.

Tomorrow's my last working day, afterwards we have two days off and i'm leaving after our "weekend". Osaka, Kyoto and then my last host in Omaezaki. It's sad to leave, but i'm waiting for the beach of Omaezaki where i could go swim all the time! Should be interesting, since i've never been there... Actually, this whole trip is one big travel. Last year i basically spent my time in Tokyo, travelled to Yokohama and Kamakura, but not too much. But this time i'm travelling all over and that's really interesting! I get to see different Japan and, of course, i get the chance to fall in love with different Japan. Day by day i attach to this country more and more and day by day it's getting harder to realize i'll have to go back... One wicked thought - what if i got married and stayed one time?

Day 17.

OMG! One of the best days so far!

Probably i could write and write and write about this day, but it's still too present for me to put it into words. I'm just full of good energy and charged for the rest of the trip. I got to know the side of Japanese society, that i like. And i hope i keep on getting deeper and deeper in this kinda warm and friendly layer...

My working day was short today, maybe because i was working with the host-dad, or maybe because it was my last day of work before leaving for good, so they didn't torture me too much. I even got 1,5 hours for my lunch break! So i took that time for making some pictures of Clare, which i will be posting a little bit later, because i just cannot handle the amount of pictures anymore. I was happy to finally go to the construction suite, where normally just boys go! But i guess, lack of male wwoofers made it necessary for me to join them there... I have to say - it was lots of fun! We worked with glass fiber - had to stuff the walls. It was interesting to work something, where you have to use your muscles (we had some carrying to do). On our way back home i saw a ceremony before starting to build a house. Never seen that before! We were finished more than 1 hour earlier than my normal working day stops, but my host-momma didn't give me any tasks, she just gave us some money for the festival and wished us lots of fun. That was really nice of her!

For me the festival started even before i got to the actual place. Taiwanese wwoofer decided to spoil me with english, so i felt so relieved i don't have to think about how to say what - that helped me a lot.

On our way to the spot, we passed a street musician, a guitarist, and i just had this urge to at least touch the guitar, because i missed it so much!!! So i risked it all and just went to him and asked for the guitar. In Europe i wouldn't have any second thoughts about this, because it's ok to just approach people like that, but right now i'm in Japan and it's all different. I was happy

though and succeeded, but unfortunately the guitar was tuned totally different and i just played around for a minute or two and after saying thanks set out for the festival. It was a little bit similar to the Azabu-Juuban Matsuri from last year in Tokyo, because they type of festival is the same, but it was also very different in a way, because it had way more cultural things, like performances and musicians. As always, i bought okonomiyaki since that is such a festival food for me, but i have to admit that my friend makes better okonomiyaki at home in the frying pan. However, it's not all about the taste, it's also about the process itself, of going out, buying yourself something from of the kiosks and eating somewhere on the side of the road. We were lucky to find a splendid place for eating! It was a staircase of some apartments' house just at the road, so we were watching performances as we ate. Pretty convenient, huh?

I went to the festival with the Taiwanese wwoofer and it was interesting to talk to him about our points of view to the world, our perspectives, how we understand cultures and certain points, how we see the aspects where cultures clash and it was new for me to explore a Taiwanese mind... It was at times complicated, because European opinions differ rather drastically from Asian, but i always tried to understand him as much as possible.

I again understood how difficult for me would be to settle down and how impossible it is to define me, since i feel nationless and i'm just being me. I'm travelling from very small age and i was exposed to different cultures, so i don't feel that i should be described as lithuanian or german or any other nation, because i'm a big mixture. I'm open to any income and i form my own ideas from everything i see, hear, feel, smell, realize... Festivals like that, conversations help me learn and grow, even though for some people it's just a random festival, but i can grab one small detail and make it my shining star for the whole evening!

Just before we went back home we stumbled upon a Taiko performance (a certain japanese drumming) which completely took me. Of course i took my time and made some pictures, but then i just sat down and enjoyed the music with all my body. It is actually amazing how the rhythm can get to you and move every cell inside of you. I already wanna try Kendo out, when i come back to Germany, but right now Taiko is also on the list - i would like to try doing that, even though there might be no possibility in Europe. Besides, i've never played drums in my life! But we'll see. I notice, that this year i explore way more new things than before and i'm so open to them, that some of them can completely take me and hypnotize. I think, i am repeating myself, but i'm sure it's gonna be the best summer so far this year. It is really interesting here and i'm gonna go back as a brighter person, but i'm worried a little bit, how will i be able to stay at one place for almost a year before next summer.

When i thought my festival is over, i got another surprise. We decided not to go home immediately, but instead of that, grab a cup of some drink and just sit down and talk. Talking and communicating in general is one of the biggest part of my life, so this just made the evening better. And on top of all those things, on our real way back (we were already at the station basically), i saw the same guitarist from before. He was still playing, so he recognized me and greeted. At that point there were some more people around, couple of them with their own instruments. One of them was playing exactly at the moment and i couldn't keep my hands still, when i heard his guitar's sound - his guitar was tuned the same like mine! This time we stayed for longer, because i could play and sing as well, that guy could speak really well english, so we just chilled for a while. Unfortunately, we had to back home. I was shining brightly yesterday! And when i came back home, i couldn't stop talking about my experiences, everything was just bursting out! This day was a great experience for me and even if it's not getting better for the rest of the trip, it's already amazing! I won't forget this day for long - i'm sure. I'm already looking forward to the end of August, when i'm gonna have my week off in Osaka and Kyoto. By the way, anyone's welcome to join me there!

Hachiouji Matsuri: