Day 34.

I am totally failing when it comes to me blog. I was around 10 days behind and just made notes, so i had to spend an unbelievably lots of time at once to finish the posts and publish them. Stupid me. It is nice to write and let you know how i am, and yes, i am kinda addicted to internet, but i wouldn't say i missed it THAT much. There are things, that had to be taken care of, so internet is a must for me, besides, most of my friends live abroad, so i would be really lonely without internet sometimes. But being in Sasayama gives you lots to think about and lots to do, and so, internet isn't just the only thing you wanna have. I would be happy if i could have switched 1 hour of internet to a bottle of milk.

Nothing is perfect, but then again - it depends on how we perceive it. If we want to, we'll always be able to find minuses, because the nature itself isn't perfect, but we might wanna see the bright side all the time and enjoy our life at least a little bit, huh?

Today someone made a joke during the tea break which was understood wrong and we had some discussions, which all ended up in our host, coming down to our place and a 2 hours talking (of course) during OUR free time. That kinda gathering was kinda necessary, but to be honest, i wasn't happy spending 2 hours of my lunch break for that. I would rather sit down after dinner and talk about everything, than use lunch break for that, when everyone wants to cook, eat, sleep, relax, swim, but not talk about uneasy things.

Some people are really unhappy about couple of things here, some people understand some people wrong, some people go to personal, some might insult you - it happens here. It really does. But hell, we're 15 people with different ideas living under one roof! Although i have to admit, that some people handle it really wrong. I've seen here some heavy arguments (and been in couple of them already), i've seen unhappy faces, i've heard lots and lots of complaints and i've even seen tears - that is not the right way, i think. But it's also all about timing... If you click with the people around you or not - yes or no, 50/50, just your own luck.

After today's conversation i kinda wanted to pack my things and go. Why? Not because of the conversation itself, but because of the reason behind the conversation. Someone made a joke about it, so another "grown up" ran to the host immediately and told everything... I mean come on. But i couldn't and didn't leave. My host in Osaka disappeared, so when i was looking for another host, we had arrangements for a certain date and it was already too late to change it.

By the way, i still don't have a place to stay in Kyoto, but my hope's still here! Maybe i'm spoiled by good things too much, but i'm used to lithuanian way of handling those kinda things (wow... i rarely speak about my home country, huh?). You call one friend and ask him/her to call another, so that one could contact someone else and it's almost definite that you're gonna find someone who can accept you. In any city in Lithuania, but i haven't seen that too much in other countries. In Germany for example, i think this way would most possibly fail.

In the afternoon working period i had the urge to speak german. I guess i missed it, so when i approached the german wwoofer i just started speaking german and we ended up in speaking about stuff for the whole evening just when we're two of us and not too many people are around - it's not fair for those who don't understand german, which in our case is - the rest of us. Lots of people say, that german isn't popular anymore, you don't need it anymore at all, that the language itself is too difficult and not beautiful, too harsh, but i like it. Even though i have to take some credits and say that for a foreigner, i speak well german already, but for me - it's not even the halfway. My goal is really really far away, but maybe i'll reach it one day. I want to be really fluent in most of the topics and wanna forget about making mistakes, even once in a while. But i notice that just when i stop using the language it's harder with every day to start talking again, that's why it was nice to have someone around who i can talk german to.

Oh, today we finally had rain! And pretty heavy rain, so our plants should be happy about that. They’re gonna be pretty much spoiled, since the rain started exactly after we finished watering them, but the more water, the better. We do want those seedlings to grow into big strong plants and give us lots of fresh tasty vegetables! I feel a strong connection with our fields, vegetables, and it’s growing every day. Even though sometimes i feel like not doing something that has to be done also on our days off, but i know that it’s better to do it and not just for the plants, but also for myself - i know i always feel happy after watering them, taking care of them.

Work in a farm is a really difficult one, no doubt about it, but it also brings you joy. Also, even though it’s sometimes physically tough job, mentally you feel refreshed after you finished with your chores. That is indeed a good experience for me, since i would like to have a farm one day by myself, but i also understand that i cannot think about it lightly and have to be really, and i mean, really prepared before i make that step. For me it is difficult to have so many dreams and goals and wishes, but i realized one thing - that i don't have to do everything at once. I'll have to set priorities in my life and just take life as it comes, but never forget my goals and put them into my life one by one. I want my goals to get ripe before i do it. One funny fact, which i keep on remembering lately - at the moment i am living in a dream literally, because what i've been doing lately was and still is one of my dreams. Of course, practical life ruins it rather often, but if i put that fact aside, it's nice to admit that i am living my own dream... I just have to appreciate it more.

Tomorrow's my last working day, afterwards we have two days off and i'm leaving after our "weekend". Osaka, Kyoto and then my last host in Omaezaki. It's sad to leave, but i'm waiting for the beach of Omaezaki where i could go swim all the time! Should be interesting, since i've never been there... Actually, this whole trip is one big travel. Last year i basically spent my time in Tokyo, travelled to Yokohama and Kamakura, but not too much. But this time i'm travelling all over and that's really interesting! I get to see different Japan and, of course, i get the chance to fall in love with different Japan. Day by day i attach to this country more and more and day by day it's getting harder to realize i'll have to go back... One wicked thought - what if i got married and stayed one time?