Ellie Goulding - Roscoe - ( Acoustic ) - AMAZING - HQ

Day 32 and Day 33.

Slowly there’s routine entering every day. It’s not a real routine, since we have so many different people here, so it’s never boring, but still... We’re back on 6 am start, which is way better than 8 am for me personally, so i’m kinda happy. It’s getting really hot again, so even the last hours in the first period of work are pretty tough, so i wouldn’t even imagine what it would be like to work from 8 am until 12 pm.

With the routine coming and by abandoning the internet more and more i feel days starting to melt, fuse into each other and just pass by as a big mass. It’s hard to separate things from each other, because everything just happens here and for me it’s one big experience. And just now i’ve noticed that it’s already over a month when i’m in Japan. And i already managed to calm down and feel at ease, which brings me back to panic if i think about October when i’m going back. I’m not just freaking out about my exhibition, but also about my future life. I’m gonna have to make some important decisions and i’m always so bad with that, i always tend to fuck up and choose the wrong way. But i’ll never know which way is the best, if i don’t try.

Today someone made me really really happy. And that someone is a friend of our family - Yoshi. Last time he was at our place, i told him to bring his guitar next time he’s coming to us, but what he did took me by surprise. He came, brought the guitar and said he cannot stay, cause he’s going back to work. So basically, he came here to bring me a guitar, so i could play. Isn’t that nice of him? He’s one of those people, who i would like to keep in my future life and it’s sad that it’s not possible after i leave Sasayama. But i have to face the reality. I met more people while wwoofing, who could be good friends, i think, but after our wwoofing or our summer ends, we’re all going back to our own places and most possibly never talking or meeting again.

Today i started peeling really badly - my legs are completely covered with liquid blisters, which scares the shit out of me, but i try not to touch them. But i cannot resist peeling my own skin off - it’s so much fun. I remember doing that to my father, when i used to be small, i always loved it. Even though i look like a zombie with my skin peeling off and i’m afraid of what’s gonna happen to my skin after i’m done peeling, i feel relieved that the actual sunburn is already over, because even though it itches, it doesn’t hurt anymore and i’m happy to be back to life without that immense pain.

I already started thinking about leaving, since it’s just couple of days ahead and that makes me kinda sad. If i didn’t have my next host, i would probably stay here for another while, maybe for the whole september until i go back to Tokyo. But i don’t wanna cancel my next host, because it’s something i don’t like doing - if i said i’m coming, that means i am coming. Besides, i’m really looking forward to that host! And i really do wanna work on the beach. When i find a nice place, I immediately wanna stay, because i’m still looking for home for myself. And it’s really strong in me... And when i feel cozy and peaceful i automatically want that to never end, but maybe it’s better for me in this stage of life to explore as much as possible, so i have to let it go, even though it’s nearly perfect...

Day 18.

It is nice to have smth in common with a person from sucha different culture, don't you think? Today i met the guy from yesterday. We played guitars, chatted, went to eat - i was really enjoying the evening. Something impossible happened as well - i went to karaoke for the first time in my life. It's totally his fault! But i have to admit, that it was kinda fun... So, i am so sorry, that i always said 'no' and spoiled fun, from now on i will also go to karaoke with my friends.

Anyway, we were heading to the station already, when it hit me, that we have quite a few things in common and that again made me feel, that every each of us is just part of this world, we are all human beings, we are coming from the same roots. But because of education, friends, society system we greatly differ. That doesn't mean though, that we wouldn't be able to find a soul-mate or a dear friend in a totally foreign culture. I wouldn't call japanese culture totally foreign for me, because i'm interested in it and have been into it for a while now, but still, if we looked to the beginning of my life - i grew up differently than japanese kids, i had different education, different family, i lost the need to fit in, which is still really significant in Japan, and yet, i'm sitting in front of Hachioji's station and playing guitar, singing with a person, who could become a good friend of mine! And we talk, and i wanna talk more and more and more... This makes me wanna travel all around the world more and more every day! Find the clashing points in cultures and find the similarities, learn from different people, gain experience - become a rich personality...

Rain was pouring on my way back home, but i still had my smile on. I was a little bit upset down in my heart, because i knew i'm leaving really soon and i won't be able to meet the guy for long long time (maybe even couple of years!), and who knows if we would still have the wanting to meet after those years, but i still feel that he left a trace in my life. One doesn't have to be genius to impress people or leave a trace, even a small one, in their memories. One just has to have something real and genuine inside and open up at the right moment about the right things. He told me about a girl, who left a big impression on him, and the fact that he is able to value it means a lot for me. Because nowadays, emotions are left behind most of the time...

When we were playing, i was just enjoying the music and then i saw a group of foreigners taking pictures of each other, looking around and then another impossible thing happened - i saw on their T-shirts "Lietuva", which means Lithuania in lithuanian language. I was sooo wicked! I went to them and we just chatted about small things. They came here to the festival and the reason to go to Japan was a karate championship (by the way, japanese won... as always...), it was really nice to meet someone from my own country in Japan! Of course, when i'm in lithuanian gatherings or visiting the embassy, i meet lithuanians, but to meet someone (and they were maybe 6-7 people at once!!!) just by accident is nearly impossible. But things do happen, right..?

This evening is for the last one here in Hino, i got an unbelievable present from our hosts' son - a rilakkuma and a bag with it!!! That's also soo amazing, since i'm just crazy about rilakkuma. I wanted to do many things, but i didn't have any time for them, since i was pretty busy here and those 10 days passed by so fast. I promised my host-momma, that i'm gonna give pictures from Clare (the place where i work) to her, but i even had to break this promise, because i just didn't have enough time to retouch any of the pics. But this is not that big problem, since we all have internet nowadays.

Today i have lots to tell in fact, but because of the whole leaving mood and because of still too vivid experiences, it's difficult for me to put everything in a neat order. I'm not sure when i'll be able to write the next post, because i don't have any idea, if they will have internet in Sasayama, but i sure hope they will!