Day 59.

Day off in a really western way.

Today was raining (as always on my single day off), so my host-mom had a nice solution for going out - we went to a big shopping mall. We did spend there surprisingly lots of time - but i guess that’s what happens when you go to a shopping mall. I did buy some thing for myself as well, couldn’t resist - bought nice knitted shorts for winter and leggings, because it was on sale!!! Afterwards we went to 100 Yen shop and since i had a to-buy-list for that one, i filled my backpack with things for myself and souvenirs.

When we came back after dinner it was already pretty late, so we spent basically the whole day shopping and strolling through shops, but it didn’t become difficult, like for example visiting their friends. It wasn’t maybe as personal, even though my host-mom wanted to go there, because she was looking for a b-day present, but still... I wasn’t dragged in their really personal and intimate lives, which let me relax a little bit.

By the way, that was my last day off, since i’m leaving just before the next one. Time passed by extremely fast here! It feels like just couple of days, but it’s been already 2 weeks. Wow!

Day 53.

Today my hosts have wedding to attend, so we had a day off!! (Magical combination of words for me by now) And i managed to stay at home for the whole day and sleep, rest, do some crap...

I was planning to go to the beach, but i fell asleep and when i woke up it was dark already, so i kinda didn't wanna drive a bike in a city that i don't know when it's dark. So i just stayed at home, watched Mononoke Princess again - a beautiful beautiful movie. I also cooked today which was fun, since i normally cook every day for myself (i live alone), but here i always get food prepared by the hosts mostly. Well i do help, and i did make pizzas once and miso soup once, but normally i'm not the cook here, so it's unusual for me and i really truly miss cooking.

As the flight back to Europe draws nearer and nearer, i start going back to the routine in my mind. Today i took a look at job ads, since i really need a job back at home. I lost my last spot - long and sad story... Well, that's what you get for being a foreigner in eastern parts of germany. I wish i could do what i really like, which would be photography. It would be great to get a job somewhere in the paper or just sell my pictures as free lancer, so i might wanna start advertising myself every now and then. I've done weddings as well, so i could do that again, i can retouch pictures, i could do sales advertising photography a little bit as well, if i bought the light tent, so i really have to start doing something like that. But for a steady job i also wanna do something i really like, so i've been looking into kitchen work. There's one really tempting offer - they even don't request experiences and can get you a chef license after a while - that would be a wise step into the future. So i'll let it rest for a while, wrote down all the numbers and address and i'll start applying as soon as i've decided if i wanna go for the kitchen - work there is really tough, that i know really well.

I have to already make plans of what i exactly do when after coming back to Europe - lots of things are on my mind already. But i kinda like it, this here is not a real life for me. It's always amazing being here and i never wanna leave, but to be honest, i love being busy with thing that mean to me a lot personally as well, so it's kinda nice to go back to my own life. Then again, my own life means my own shit, which i have quite a lot back there. But i'll manage!

Day 51.

Today was my day off. I wanna go there and do that, but after working like i do here, there's just one thing on your mind when you wake up on your day off - stay in bed and do nothing at all.

Anyhow, today we had a trip to some places, which at the beginning was just awesome, but then...

So first of all, we went to this... well, place, called Village. I even don't know how to call it properly. It used to be just a typical old japanese-style house, but it was renovated a little bit, so know you can live there or do things (it probably was about to break down completely... so

the renovation is just to make it look like a house again, but they didn't change anything about it!). It's like a small cafe, they have different kind

of herb, indian tea, coffee i think. They are also selling hand-made accessories, clothes, natural skin care products, honey, spices, tea - those kinda things. The house is at a small hill, surrounded by trees, bushes and basically - pure nature. It's really quiet there, if you can read/understand japanese - there's loads of interesting books, the smells are nice, so you just sit there, listen to the nature and relax, enjoy, turn off from the world a little bit.

I really enjoyed it! After a while, with a cup of nice tea

i had to take my note out and started sketching things. Handcrafting and selling it on etsy didn't quite work for us, but the idea hasn't died in my head - i really do wanna continue it. Maybe i could go through festivals or sell it for shops like that - i just have to have a decent amount of the goods.

Japan so far seems like the best location for things like that - my own business, trying to achieve something with organic/healthy living style, handcrafting, photography, basically peaceful life... For instance, you are allowed to sell/use goods made/grown by yourself, which is barely allowed in Europe. I even started thinking about importing my dad's honey into Japan... Might be good idea actually.

While travelling from A to B, i just enjoyed the view through the window, sticking my hand out and trying to catch the wind. Just like in a movie! Just like in a dream...

Sky was still gray and scary because of yesterday's typhoon, it was still raining most of the time, but i tried to ignore that. And i fell in love with Japan again and again and i don't know anymore how many times i'm gonna fall in love with this country in the future. I find here places, i like to stay at for way longer, than i'm staying, i meet people, i wanna keep as friends in the future, i like how things go here. I try to memorize every tree and bush and flower on my way, watching with my eyes wide open - i do not wanna forget anything!

I do not why, but i sometimes get the feeling that this or that village looks just like U.S. even though i've never been there... But i just get this strange feeling, and if i followed my intuition, it might be true. So right now i would like to travel through U.S. and see if i'm right!

After visiting the Village, we just kept on driving and that where the downhill for me started... We went to Shizuoka to visit hosts' friend, who i don't know.

So we went there, first of all i didn't like the guy's attitude, but not gonna post online why. It's enough to say that i reaaally was annoyed by the way he talks, moves and does the rest. Second of all, i didn't know the guy and since there was no connection what so ever, i didn't have anything to talk about to him, not to mention, that my japanese isn't good enough to just talk about anything - i'm pretty much limited to easy topics. Third of all, i was just dragged there without even asking if i want to and that really hit the core. The rest just mixed with each other and i was really sensible, couldn't manage with the noise 4 kids around me made, couldn't manage the guy, his bigger kid, who was in my eyes, really impolite, couldn't manage the smell around me, had to do something, so i just took a note, a book and went to the balcony, it didn't hold the noise too much, but at least i had my own space, where my energy could flow around me and get free a little bit, without being choked by others' energies.

This place is a huge personal struggle for myself. As much as i like my host-family, as much as i like the place where i work, it's difficult for me and i have ups and downs to often. I often feel i wanna leave and the good part is - i can leave whenever i want, but then again - i don't wanna just surrender and run. But the line between suffering and challenging is really thin here.

Today however, i managed to fight a little bit and told them i would like to leave soon... It was already evening, so i guess it wasn't too bad to ask them this kinda thing. My host-momma agreed!

So today wasn't a good day, even though it had PERFECT start... And so after my day off i feel tired.

Day 50.

I'm already looking forward to my day off! Really badly lacking time for myself here in this place... I also noticed that in the amount of pictures - i barely made any, besides of the first day off, when we went to the sea and Nagomi - the place i work, but the rest just stays behind. I have couple of hours in the morning, before the work starts, but i really don't wanna do anything, but just stay at home, lie on the bed and just do nothing.

And yet, i cannot believe it's been almost 2 months already in Japan! The trip last year was not the best one and now i start being disappointed. When i think how much i could have done, but have done nothing really much... But it cannot be changed, for it's already in the past, so there's no use for me to be upset about it anymore! I'll have my time in Tokyo this year for a couple of days, so i'll have to use it well.

Since i'm constantly busy with the exhibition, it starts living within me. Probably it should. At first it was just a random thing to do, but i started putting hopes in it, i really wish it could lead me somewhere, lead to something better. I'm trying to get a place in the capital city in Lithuania for my little exhibition and there's one potential spot, where i might get in - it would be really awesome! It's difficult for me to exhibit my works in Lithuania and hope for something, when i'm not even living there, but that's just a step into the future - i have to show myself every once in a while and it's about time i start doing that.

With business cards and postcards ordered, just the pictures are waiting to be processed. And i still haven't decided on the last choice. I have 54 potential pictures and have to go down to 20. My day off on weekend is gonna be tough!

Day 47.

Today we had a spontaneous day off and i was happy about it, because i had a plan to just rest, but then it all changed. I got an order and even though i didn't wanna work on sunday and on my day off, but the girl was in urgent need - the design company made a shitty title-board for her shop and she needed it on monday already! So i just had to help.... Which ate almost all of my day - i started straight after breakfast and finished just in the evening. But it did make me a little bit of money, so i cannot complain, i guess...

The rest i spent on my business cards - i already ordered them! And the tiny amount of time that was left after, i spent talking to my mom. A thing, which has to be done every once in a while i guess.

I also worked on my pictures a little bit and i'm happy it's going forward slowly! I'm gonna order postcards and pictures soon and after that it's just waiting until i fly over to Lithuania for the first opening... It's my first big thing, so i'm excited but also really nervous.

Day 44.

My days here just started, but i feel ok. I'm enjoying the ocean and the view, the friendly atmosphere.

It's my third time in a row, where i come exactly on days off, so today we just went to the sea all together. Am i lucky or what?? Always coming to the place at very good timing.

The family is really open minded and warm, the food's so far just divine! We'll see about work from tomorrow. I had to work yesterday a little bit, but it wasn't really working...

I would be lying if i said i don't miss the last place - i do. I caught myself talking about it with sucha passion it almost freaked me out. I feel that the last host made a huge impact on me, so i'm really looking forward to Europe and how my life's gonna change when i'm there...

Day 25.

Today we had a day off because of the festival in Sasayama. Before the festival we went to the Host’s house and had a barbecue, home made pizzas, some of us had beer or two (or three and

more). The food was really delicious and the atmosphere was really good. There was some people who i didn’t know before, some of host’s friends, but all of them were really friendly. We didn’t spend too much time there, but it was one nice afternoon. It was filled with lots of different people and music - i learned a little bit how to play jambe, i tried some wicked home made guitar, touched cello for the first time and had the opportunity to sit down at the piano. After maybe 3-4 years i played piano again. It was painful to realize, how much i’ve forgotten. Fingers kept on slipping from the keys as i played, so i had to concentrate not just on the notes, but also on the keyboard. And i couldn’t play anything proper, but it made so much fun i had to ask myself: “Why did i stop playing at all?”. Well, back in Germany i don’t have a piano, so it would be difficult for me to practice, but maybe i should try buying an electronic one? Would be better than nothing. Some of the japanese girls played really well, so i was just lying down and enjoying it. And i really do wanna get better again...

So today’s festival was quite a challenge for me, because the leg was still aching with every step and i felt this big chunk of muscle cramped into one piece. But having the opportunity to wear

yukata (a summer kimono-like clothing) even made the pain dissolve a little bit! It was my first time and i completely loved it. I wonder how a real kimono feels like, maybe i will get the chance to wear it one day. I’ve been trying so many things here and that makes me really happy. I’m gonna come back to Europe with a huge luggage of experience. Since that was one of my goals i’m happy i was able to achieve it. But experiencing this, makes me wanna travel more and more, go here and there, visit this and that and it’s not getting out of my head. My dreams are getting bigger, but the time is running out every day.

The festival was different from the ones, i’m used to. It wasn’t a street festival, it took place in a

park, so it had a separate area with all those food kiosks and souvenirs and fish catching places, and there was another area where the dancing and the fireworks, and eventually the taiko performances were to observe. I was waiting for the latter one most, because i enjoy drumming so much. The performance seemed promising of the quantity of drums, but it was weaker than the one in Hachioji. Anyway, it was a nice performance and i was enjoying it; afterwards i talked to some drummers and we decided we could maybe have some taiko lessons for the wwoofers. I really hope we manage to arrange this while i’m still here!

From tomorrow we’re changing working times a little bit, so we’ll have to adjust to the new working schedule. We’re gonna start working from 8 am and go until 5 pm, which means shorter break, but then again, the working day seems to be not as extended as it used to be, when we had 6 am until 6 pm. We’re still don’t know if it’s gonna be permanent starting tomorrow, but today was a long day for all of us because of the festival, so it is wise indeed to change it at least for tomorrow...

More pictures from the festival: