Day 41 and Day 42.

Kyoto, oh beautiful Kyoto, i love you!

I spent just two days in Kyoto, had lots of mountain/stairs climbing and lots of sweating, but i just totally loved it! And i already wanna go back. I didn't manage to see lots of things that i wanted even with my super turbo pace, but that's just another reason to come back, right?

It's really interesting city and a really old one. I knew that Kyoto is old, but it did take me by surprise that it is still so old! There are many many traditional buildings, many nice cozy shops. There are no skyscrapers, so it's a nice rest for your eyes after big cities like Tokyo or Osaka. There's couple of rivers flowing through the city, so in the evening you can just take a walk along the river, enjoy the view.

Every day i imagine myself living in Japan more and more, i feel well here, even though it's sometimes way too hot, humidity feels nice on my skin, i enjoy the sun. What an irony - in the country where most of the people try to stay white, i finally got the need to get brown - probably the first time in my life. I'm afraid i wouldn't be a good girl and wouldn't follow some of the rules, since i couldn't work 24/7 or not tell the truth when i'm asked, but i like how things look like in Japan. I'm studying japanese, but i hate the question "why" and lately i've been telling people it's more of a personal reason, than a carrier and it might be true... Probably i won't work as a teacher or in the embassy, but i might end up living or at least settling down for a while in Japan. Wouldn't it be nice..?

After these two days in Kyoto my feet totally hurt and i feel physically a little bit tired, my shoes fucked up, because of climbing, but i'm overjoyed! I already have couple of things i must remember for the next trip to Kyoto. First of all, do not go there in summer, because it's just terribly hot! Even though it has lots of greenery and rivers, it's really difficult to handle the heat there, especially when you're travelling and doing sightseeing, which means lots of walking, a backpack and maybe a camera. So i will avoid Kyoto in summer by all means in the future.

Another thing is closing times. You should do a double check on that one, coz you might end up in failure and arrive somewhere which is already closed. Shrines and temples close pretty early, around 4-5 pm, so you have to be careful in Kyoto. If you're up to a late sight seeing, there's not really much to do.

You also have to choose wisely your transportation... You can do lots on foot which is cheap, but you're gonna be tired in the evening. You can go on bike, which is again cheap, but again tiresome. Advantage of it - faster. Or you can go on trains, Keihan Line day pass is 1000 Yen and subway day pass is 600 Yen, there's also Bus day pass for 500 Yen. I went for the bus, even though it was slower than the train, but for me it was way better on the second day, because train doesn't go anyway to the places i visited.

So the first day i did completely on foot. I visited couple of shrines, a park, went to a beautiful beautiful Zen temple. And went back home through Gion. Most of the temples and shrines have admission fee, so don't mumble about it - it's just the way it is, so money goes fast in Kyoto. Admission fees vary between 200 Yen and 600 Yen. I'm staying at a friend's brother's friend's. And she's a really nice girl! I'm happy not just because i had a roof above my head, but also that i could meet her!

On the second day i visited the famous Golden Temple, went to another Zen temple, the famous Fushimi Inari Shrine with lots of orange torii gates, Toufuku Shrine, did some mountain climbing and went to botanical garden. After that, together with the girl i'm staying at, we went to Kurama Shrine which was really beautiful! It was again on a mountain, but it was really worth going up. We were basically the last ones to enter, so we enjoyed the peace and nice view without lots of tourists. The Kurama Shrine is pretty far away from the city, so there's not many tourists in general, but we had it in a special way - without people at all. It's just a pity, that all the facilities were already closed.

I would need one more day for Kyoto, but i'm happy i had at least 2 days here. The best places were Koudaiji (Zen temple in the east of Kyoto) and Kurama (shrine in the mountains, in the north of Kyoto). A place which i could have skipped was Ryouanji - the other Zen temple with famous rock garden, that i was looking forward to. But i was disappointed, since the ticket was pretty expensive and the famous rock garden was really small and, i'm sorry - no offense, nothing special. Koudaiji temple had way bigger rock garden which was really beautifully made.

It's amazing just to wander around in Kyoto, because even if you get kinda lost, you'll definitely find a nice spot, a park, temple, shrine or something else old and interesting. So i would just go somewhere without really looking at the map and i did just fine! In a blog it seems pretty simple and usual, this Kyoto trip, but it's just hard to tell about it... I guess, you have to come and experience it, since it's not just what you see, but also what you feel, how you perceive it. I enjoyed the temples and shrines, it was so old and beautiful! And the architecture was really impressive... It seems divine sometimes, because you're nearly out of ideas how it could have been built.

So i have to say good bye to Kyoto today and get in the night bus which brings me all the way to Chubu are, Shizuoka prefecture, Omaezaki - a small town at the ocean, i'm looking forward to it, because the host seemed so friendly and because i really wanted to see the ocean... I hope it all goes well!

My hena drawings!

Opening hours.

Day 40.

Today was a WOW-day. Really positive, pretty active and quite interesting. I woke up and had a really nice surprise just right next to me... Well, in the room i’m staying there are two more girls that arrived yesterday. So, there i am, waking up, looking to the right and there’s this almost naked girl with tiny undies and sexy tattoos all over her hot area. I couldn’t stop looking, even felt perverse at some point. Was a nice morning start!

After i left the house i spent basically all day out, came back just in the early evening and then left again pretty soon and came back for good late in the evening.

I went to the zoo, cause it was pretty cheap. It wasn't the best zoo ever, but it sure wasn't as bad as some people say. But how they keep animals didn't make me too happy... The cages aren't too big and some of the turtles are kept just in a simple aquarium... But it's pretty big and it takes you couple of hours there, so it's nice, but be ready for it - i didn't have anything edible with me, but didn't wanna spend money on food in the zoo, because they charge you also for the location, so the last 30 minutes i was hungry as hell and just ran towards the exit!

The fun started actually afterwards. Probably i have to mention, that i stuffed myself full with nice delicious stuff (sweets and ice cream), even though i have to take care of what i eat, but what the heck - i have to enjoy Japan! I took a long long walk and actually it wasn't that nice, the places i was. But it was somehow interesting... The Tennouji district isn't the best one, it's pretty poor and kinda dirty. I found an area where homeless people stay and it's not just a park with couple of blue tents, which is so common in Japan it was a huge area with hundreds of them! But the good part in a poor district is that they have pretty cheap super markets - i bought some fruits, cause it was reasonable. I didn't dare taking pictures around those places, so i ended up in just walking around. It was i guess the first time in Japan, where i felt i kinda wanna get out of that place - never had that before.

It was getting too hot, so i just spent maybe an hour in the JR Loop train. It goes in a circle all the time, so if you bought a cheapest ticket and just didn't get off and went round and round - they wouldn't charge you anything, as long as you're getting off in the end at the right station. It's cool in the train, so it's a good place to rest and sleep a little bit.

So when i cooled off, i went to Nanba! Kinda shopping/amusement district. It is basically Osaka's version of both Shinjuku and Harajuku fused into one. It's quite an interesting district, nice to just walk around. I tried to make some japanese-street-fashion shots, but i kinda failed, maybe it was too hot, maybe i wasn't in the right mood or maybe it's just bad timing, which happens so often in this kinda photography i guess. I ended up in buying a backpack and adidas shoes today... I'm really happy about the purchases, even though shoes were kinda expensive! But it was on sale and it was the last pair (and believe me, finding your size in Japan is already worth stopping and thinking about buying it), so i couldn't resist. I wanted to buy sneakers in Japan, but i was kinda looking for cheap ones, but these are just too good to be left there on the shelf! And it's adidas, and it's comfy, and and and... I'm sorry... I'm really happy about it though and there's one thing we should never forget: never regret something that once made you smile!

In the evening me and other couch surfers went to a nice sushi place and i again stuffed myself completely! I ate 8 plates which is A LOT for me... But it again made me happy. And also, i deserve it maybe, because i've been eating really simply, so it's nice to spoil yourself every once in a while. Besides, i'm leaving Osaka tomorrow, so i won't have a chance to go there any time soon!

Today i spent lots of time just exploring and i realized the difference between Tokyo and Osaka - Osaka is light and bright, it often feels like a resort, since it's so sunny and has way more friendly coloured buildings than Tokyo. It also has more space, even the trains and streets are more spacious. It has places in the middle of the city basically where you have lots of green parks! Prices are similar and i guess there are lots of similarities between those two cities, but the feeling you get differs a lot. Tokyo is one big pile of dark concrete, which sometimes might frustrate people. It seems, that Osaka is more easy going city... But i couldn't tell which one i prefer. Too difficult to decide... But it might be Osaka. It might be...

Tennouji Zoo:

A little bit more of Osaka:

Day 39.

Today was a lazy day for me, or maybe i just need some time off for relaxation. Even though i had proper days off and i didn’t feel tired at all back in Sasayama where i wwoofed, i just need to do nothing for a while. Osaka wasn’t my main goal on my tiny “vacation” between Sasayama and Omaezaki, so i’m taking this time to chill and just enjoy the time, because from monday it’s gonna get busy again - i’m going to Kyoto. I already took some time to read all kinda tourist information and made a list of places i wanna visit. And there’s shitload of spots i wanna go to, so i have to be ready mentally and physically to run through the whole city!! I wish i could stay there longer, but for the first time 2 days are gonna be enough. I’ll set some priorities, in case my list becomes really too long.

It’s strange to be at civilized home after Sasayama, so i still have to get used to this kinda life. Even though my wwoofing there didn’t take that long, it had a strong impact on me. I’m spending couple of days on my own right now and almost the whole week in Tokyo in September, so i just bought a pack of rice, so i could save up some money and just eat simply (like i’m used to already...). And the funny part was, that i subconsciously took pack of brown rice, so every time i cook them now i have Sasayama, our house, every one standing before my eyes. I still get tired early in the evening, even though i started sleeping longer. It’s gonna take a while for me, to go back to normal life and normal rhythm and to be honest - i don’t know if i want to have lots of so called normal life anymore. Another buzz was when i went to the supermarket and wanted to take plenty of vegetables, they were not just expensive (which i have forgotten at all - our fields don’t charge us), but they were totally colourless. I bought a pack of tomatoes however, because i needed some vegetables, but the taste was like paper, the colour of those tomatoes couldn’t possibly be called “red” and the smell is just a hint of the real tomato.

Today however i went for a stroll in a city and my plan was just to visit the park, but it ended in 4 hours exploration, wandering and making pictures, eating a really nice pudding and finding 100 Yen Shop, and cheap Sushi place. And i even didn’t get lost!! Not once! I’m totally proud of myself. It was interesting just to wander around, since i’m in Osaka for the first time, so everything’s new, everything’s catching my eye. So far, for me it’s a city of differences. I’m being reminded again and again how different Japan is from Europe, but even in one city itself you clearly see the differences between neighborhoods. You see almost shattered houses and 10 meters further you find a new block house. You approach the river side and it’s almost like resort’s area - quiet, lost of space, spots where you can just lie down and enjoy the sun, parks. You go back to the main street, which takes you tops 5 minutes and you’re back in city’s chaos, mess and noise.

So on my way back i stumbled on that 100 Yen shop as mentioned above and i was immediately overjoyed! That’s definitely my weak spot... I really had to control myself and bought just some stuff, that i really need, i will use and so it’s not too much. I even didn’t cross 2000 Yen limit, so it’s good. It’s a really good one, so if you’re in Osaka, go to Akagawa’s 100 Yen shop, it’s near Kema, Miyakojima, Shirokita park, Riverside. They also have some food, which is quite convenient, especially bread and jam - those are way more expensive in a regular supermarket. In the evening they sometimes have discounts, so you get tofu or yoghurt really cheap. That’s another tip for those who want to save some money while being in Japan.

I also found a tasty and cheap sort of ice cream, so believe me, even though i’m a big fan of Hagen Diazs, you don’t have to buy that all the time to enjoy ice cream.

Try this one if you have the chance (it’s just 98 Yen!!!):

Dekkaruche (i went for strawberry/blueberry today)

Osaka:

Day 38.

This morning i woke up pretty early, even though i went to sleep quite late. I guess it's just something like a habit already - no matter how late i'm going to bed, i still wake up around 5-6 oclock in the morning. It was quiet in the house, because it was just four of us who were leaving today and the rest was working from 6 in the morning. It's actually a lot leaving at once - 4 people, so i guess the house will feel strange after that. On the other hand, for the oldies we are just something new and strange. And we're probably not part of the family to them...

After finishing all the letters to those who are staying (kinda my thing...), we left before 9 am, but i was happy that we could leave when no one was around - i'm bad with good byes. So when i stepped into the bus, my wwoofing days in Sasayama were over and i was off to Osaka.

I arrived rather fast, but the tickets were expensive. The place where i'm staying is quite cool and the host is really friendly - a canadian guy. And it's quite a cool place, quiet at least. The apartment is pretty big, but total strange after living in Sasayama, in a pretty japanese house!

I'm not the only couch surfer there, so i hooked up with two other guys and went to Osaka's castle today. A japanese girl and a french man - they're really friendly. And every time i meet nice people on things like that, wwoof or couch surf i think, that it is a nice way to meet amazing people, but they are just coming and leaving - no one’s really staying in your life. And because of that i can feel really complete and really empty at once, which is not a nice conflict.

It's just my first day in Osaka, but i immediately get the feeling that it's so different than Tokyo, but i still don't quite get what's the biggest difference between these two cities. Well, i'm not gonna stay here for long - i'm gonna be here just for couple of days, i'm leaving soon to Kyoto, but i'll try to explore the city a little bit and see some places... Last year i basically stayed in Tokyo all the time, so this year i'm crazily travelling! But i'm lacking some free time a bit, since i wanna stay in Kyoto a bit longer. But it's ok, that will be the reason to come back again and again!

Dandelion Photography.

So i finally launched my internet page!

Check it out:

Dandelion Photography

And enjoy!

Ellie Goulding - Roscoe - ( Acoustic ) - AMAZING - HQ

Day 37.

Today i unfortunately have nothing much to say... After spending most of the day at the computer, i managed to launch my internet page! But that's basically it.

I am leaving tomorrow so i'm feeling a little bit numb. Don't wanna go really, but i've already started packing, already have arrangements for my next travels and i know i'm gonna go, it's just... I'm getting pretty emotional when i think about it. I got used to the people around me as well, but it's not about people that i'm worried - it's more about me myself. This place is really good for me. Sometimes i think that if i add couple of things more to here it would be perfect, but then i catch myself and ask: if i add them, would it really become better? Or maybe worse? Coz then it's not the same anymore...

Day 36.

It's getting extremely hot again! That's kinda weird, because i thought that summer heat is over already, since it was getting cooler and cooler and then it hit us again! I even don't dare to imagine how hot it is somewhere in Tokyo or in any other big city at the moment... We're lucky to have lots of trees that filter the air through, we have mountains, so it's a little bit better than in concrete jungle. Well, to be honest - it's way better, not just a little bit.

Today i spent extremely a lot time for my internet page and i'm happy to announce that i've done almost everything and just gallery waits for the pictures to be uploaded, which i'm gonna do tomorrow and launch it! Even though it's just a stupid page on one hand, done with flash for free, but on the other hand, it means a lot for me. Even though sometimes i don't really know what i'm doing with my photography and if i'm gonna be able to achieve my goals that i have, but this is a big step towards the final goal. After all, not the result, but the process is important in most of the cases.

Today is our day off, but we had 10 kids coming to us for a small experiment, so they can have fun, we can have fun (*cough cough*) and their parents can have fun seeing the kids having fun. To be honest, i thought the whole thing needed a little bit more organizing, but it went quite well in the end. Kids seemed like having fun, and the head of this even - Seth Sensei, was also quite pleased, so the goal was more or less achieved.

Even though the experiment itself didn't go too well, basically - everyone failed, but the room was filled with laughter and positivity.

Just one negative thing on our host's side... Which is part of organizing things. It took us about 3-4 hours, even though we were told it's gonna take just around 1 hour. And then people might think, that i'm complaining again, but it's just difference in doing things. If i say, it's taking 1 hour, it shouldn't go over 2 hours at least (for me 1,5 hour would be the limit i guess...), so it's just misunderstandings. Just like with wwoof profiles sometimes - the things we have here are amazing and i'm happy to be there, but the fact that it's almost total difference than the profile isn't nice. Especially for those people who are really looking at the profile... (Like myself)

After this whole experiment thing, we had a conversation with one guy which wasn't nice. Yesterday was our "Friday" so we fucked up big time... Yoshi came over, guys had beers, snacks, we had guitar, so we relaxed too much and made too much noise. And some people got really really upset... The way of telling that was maybe wrong, because it was really judgmental and personal, but the things he was talking about were all true and reasonable. After the conversation i pretty much felt like a piece of shit, because it WAS a mistake, that we all did, and we shouldn't have done that. For all those who are gonna wwoof there i would have just one simple thing to say - if you are there, you HAVE to live like everyone around you does, which means that even though we're mostly young people, we cannot just go party all night, because it's not what we do in Tsuji. That was something good to understand for me, because it's a good experience for my life. I'm leaving Tsuji soon, but it's a good lesson for my future. Respect your surroundings not just theoretically, but be the surroundings - when you realize you're part of it, you immediately will respect it way more.

For a positive note, more pictures from the kids day:

Day 35.

Today was my last working day in Sasayama... It's both - nice and unpleasant. It's kinda nice, because i know i'll get almost a week long vacation before my next host, but it makes me sad to realize i'm really leaving. The time here passed by faster than expected. I really hope i'll have the chance to come back again!

For my last day at work i had a really precise work to do, so i was crouching, kneeling and sitting in between the rows the whole day. I had to thin out plants that someone fucked up really big time. When you're doing job like that you really think: what the fuck did someone do here?? You clearly see how much someone care about the job they're doing... It's a pity someone just doesn't give a shit about this place, they come and leave, they just do anything to be in the schedule of those working hours, but they don't really care about our community. What you see in the picture is before and after and for this kinda result you spend hours! And with every plant you tear out you are getting angrier and angrier at that Mister Someone and also, with every plant you think how much could you harvest if that job would have been done right. I had to take about 95% of the plants out and just simply throw them out.

Culmination of those thoughts about how much did we throw out today was a movie called Home, which confronted me not just with beautiful pictures of this planet, but also with the real facts and images of people, bringing this world down.

And after the movie i think about where i am right now and what i'm doing and i'm at ease with my doings at the moment... I know that at the moment, i'm not one of those bad guys. I always liked healthy living, simple foods and i assumed i'm environment conscious and that was true, but i had more thoughts in theory than practice. Wwoofing in Sasayama gave me yet another perspective, it proved to me, that it is possible to live in a different way and i am gonna change a lot in my life after i come back to Europe.

If we talked about food a bit more, today something really simple made me happy. We had bread for lunch and everyone was satisfied because of that! It's so nice to see that people do appreciate things like that, but of course, when we're back to our regular lives, we'll go to the supermarket, throw a pack of bread into our baskets and won't think about appreciation anymore. If people would eat simply at least twice a week, it would already make a difference, but most of the people are so spoiled by all this supermarket consumption culture, that they don't care what they eat, because they know - supermarkets are gonna be always full. But what are we gonna do with full supermarkets, when the whole planet is gonna fail..??

Day 34.

I am totally failing when it comes to me blog. I was around 10 days behind and just made notes, so i had to spend an unbelievably lots of time at once to finish the posts and publish them. Stupid me. It is nice to write and let you know how i am, and yes, i am kinda addicted to internet, but i wouldn't say i missed it THAT much. There are things, that had to be taken care of, so internet is a must for me, besides, most of my friends live abroad, so i would be really lonely without internet sometimes. But being in Sasayama gives you lots to think about and lots to do, and so, internet isn't just the only thing you wanna have. I would be happy if i could have switched 1 hour of internet to a bottle of milk.

Nothing is perfect, but then again - it depends on how we perceive it. If we want to, we'll always be able to find minuses, because the nature itself isn't perfect, but we might wanna see the bright side all the time and enjoy our life at least a little bit, huh?

Today someone made a joke during the tea break which was understood wrong and we had some discussions, which all ended up in our host, coming down to our place and a 2 hours talking (of course) during OUR free time. That kinda gathering was kinda necessary, but to be honest, i wasn't happy spending 2 hours of my lunch break for that. I would rather sit down after dinner and talk about everything, than use lunch break for that, when everyone wants to cook, eat, sleep, relax, swim, but not talk about uneasy things.

Some people are really unhappy about couple of things here, some people understand some people wrong, some people go to personal, some might insult you - it happens here. It really does. But hell, we're 15 people with different ideas living under one roof! Although i have to admit, that some people handle it really wrong. I've seen here some heavy arguments (and been in couple of them already), i've seen unhappy faces, i've heard lots and lots of complaints and i've even seen tears - that is not the right way, i think. But it's also all about timing... If you click with the people around you or not - yes or no, 50/50, just your own luck.

After today's conversation i kinda wanted to pack my things and go. Why? Not because of the conversation itself, but because of the reason behind the conversation. Someone made a joke about it, so another "grown up" ran to the host immediately and told everything... I mean come on. But i couldn't and didn't leave. My host in Osaka disappeared, so when i was looking for another host, we had arrangements for a certain date and it was already too late to change it.

By the way, i still don't have a place to stay in Kyoto, but my hope's still here! Maybe i'm spoiled by good things too much, but i'm used to lithuanian way of handling those kinda things (wow... i rarely speak about my home country, huh?). You call one friend and ask him/her to call another, so that one could contact someone else and it's almost definite that you're gonna find someone who can accept you. In any city in Lithuania, but i haven't seen that too much in other countries. In Germany for example, i think this way would most possibly fail.

In the afternoon working period i had the urge to speak german. I guess i missed it, so when i approached the german wwoofer i just started speaking german and we ended up in speaking about stuff for the whole evening just when we're two of us and not too many people are around - it's not fair for those who don't understand german, which in our case is - the rest of us. Lots of people say, that german isn't popular anymore, you don't need it anymore at all, that the language itself is too difficult and not beautiful, too harsh, but i like it. Even though i have to take some credits and say that for a foreigner, i speak well german already, but for me - it's not even the halfway. My goal is really really far away, but maybe i'll reach it one day. I want to be really fluent in most of the topics and wanna forget about making mistakes, even once in a while. But i notice that just when i stop using the language it's harder with every day to start talking again, that's why it was nice to have someone around who i can talk german to.

Oh, today we finally had rain! And pretty heavy rain, so our plants should be happy about that. They’re gonna be pretty much spoiled, since the rain started exactly after we finished watering them, but the more water, the better. We do want those seedlings to grow into big strong plants and give us lots of fresh tasty vegetables! I feel a strong connection with our fields, vegetables, and it’s growing every day. Even though sometimes i feel like not doing something that has to be done also on our days off, but i know that it’s better to do it and not just for the plants, but also for myself - i know i always feel happy after watering them, taking care of them.

Work in a farm is a really difficult one, no doubt about it, but it also brings you joy. Also, even though it’s sometimes physically tough job, mentally you feel refreshed after you finished with your chores. That is indeed a good experience for me, since i would like to have a farm one day by myself, but i also understand that i cannot think about it lightly and have to be really, and i mean, really prepared before i make that step. For me it is difficult to have so many dreams and goals and wishes, but i realized one thing - that i don't have to do everything at once. I'll have to set priorities in my life and just take life as it comes, but never forget my goals and put them into my life one by one. I want my goals to get ripe before i do it. One funny fact, which i keep on remembering lately - at the moment i am living in a dream literally, because what i've been doing lately was and still is one of my dreams. Of course, practical life ruins it rather often, but if i put that fact aside, it's nice to admit that i am living my own dream... I just have to appreciate it more.

Tomorrow's my last working day, afterwards we have two days off and i'm leaving after our "weekend". Osaka, Kyoto and then my last host in Omaezaki. It's sad to leave, but i'm waiting for the beach of Omaezaki where i could go swim all the time! Should be interesting, since i've never been there... Actually, this whole trip is one big travel. Last year i basically spent my time in Tokyo, travelled to Yokohama and Kamakura, but not too much. But this time i'm travelling all over and that's really interesting! I get to see different Japan and, of course, i get the chance to fall in love with different Japan. Day by day i attach to this country more and more and day by day it's getting harder to realize i'll have to go back... One wicked thought - what if i got married and stayed one time?

Day 32 and Day 33.

Slowly there’s routine entering every day. It’s not a real routine, since we have so many different people here, so it’s never boring, but still... We’re back on 6 am start, which is way better than 8 am for me personally, so i’m kinda happy. It’s getting really hot again, so even the last hours in the first period of work are pretty tough, so i wouldn’t even imagine what it would be like to work from 8 am until 12 pm.

With the routine coming and by abandoning the internet more and more i feel days starting to melt, fuse into each other and just pass by as a big mass. It’s hard to separate things from each other, because everything just happens here and for me it’s one big experience. And just now i’ve noticed that it’s already over a month when i’m in Japan. And i already managed to calm down and feel at ease, which brings me back to panic if i think about October when i’m going back. I’m not just freaking out about my exhibition, but also about my future life. I’m gonna have to make some important decisions and i’m always so bad with that, i always tend to fuck up and choose the wrong way. But i’ll never know which way is the best, if i don’t try.

Today someone made me really really happy. And that someone is a friend of our family - Yoshi. Last time he was at our place, i told him to bring his guitar next time he’s coming to us, but what he did took me by surprise. He came, brought the guitar and said he cannot stay, cause he’s going back to work. So basically, he came here to bring me a guitar, so i could play. Isn’t that nice of him? He’s one of those people, who i would like to keep in my future life and it’s sad that it’s not possible after i leave Sasayama. But i have to face the reality. I met more people while wwoofing, who could be good friends, i think, but after our wwoofing or our summer ends, we’re all going back to our own places and most possibly never talking or meeting again.

Today i started peeling really badly - my legs are completely covered with liquid blisters, which scares the shit out of me, but i try not to touch them. But i cannot resist peeling my own skin off - it’s so much fun. I remember doing that to my father, when i used to be small, i always loved it. Even though i look like a zombie with my skin peeling off and i’m afraid of what’s gonna happen to my skin after i’m done peeling, i feel relieved that the actual sunburn is already over, because even though it itches, it doesn’t hurt anymore and i’m happy to be back to life without that immense pain.

I already started thinking about leaving, since it’s just couple of days ahead and that makes me kinda sad. If i didn’t have my next host, i would probably stay here for another while, maybe for the whole september until i go back to Tokyo. But i don’t wanna cancel my next host, because it’s something i don’t like doing - if i said i’m coming, that means i am coming. Besides, i’m really looking forward to that host! And i really do wanna work on the beach. When i find a nice place, I immediately wanna stay, because i’m still looking for home for myself. And it’s really strong in me... And when i feel cozy and peaceful i automatically want that to never end, but maybe it’s better for me in this stage of life to explore as much as possible, so i have to let it go, even though it’s nearly perfect...